Okay I was just wondering why so many couple are choosing not to get married but still living together and having kids?? This confuses me it pretty much requires the same level of commitment why not make it legal. I know brangelina says they wont get married til gays can but i don't think this is the answer for the majority. Can anybody in a similar situation help me understand this?
A question like this is probably better suited in a different category but gender and womens studies is so much more fun
2007-09-21 15:46:36 · 16 answers · asked by nobody 5 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Different reasons for different people:
1) People think marriage is a piece of paper and do not give it any spiritual significance. Marriage based on love of God is much more than that. For people who are not religious, marriage simply would not offer more.
2) Financial reasons - they don't think they can afford a wedding; one partner has bad credit; legal reasons - i.e., they live in a "community property" state like Wisconsin that says any property received during the marriage belongs equally to both. If one partner is a spendthrift and the other wants to keep a nestegg for retirement, this will be a problem. One partner's debts make both liable to creditors.
3) They're just pigs. They want the benefits of marriage but not the commitment.
4) One person wants to be married; the other doesn't. The first person has an "I'll take what I can get" attitude.
2007-09-21 17:03:43 · answer #1 · answered by curiousme 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
-I've been married, and it sucked. Half the reason was the sexist assumptions made about marriage and the sexist things strangers, acquaintances, co-workers, and family members would say to my ex-husband and I.
-My parent's marriage was not great, yet they stayed together, and a big part of it was because they had made a commitment. Some marriages should end.
-I don't like love associated with taxes and property. Gross.
-I'm not religious or traditional, and despise the whole wedding hoopla and expense. I think it's a total waste of money and effort. If others want it, fine, but I don't.
-I'm bi and don't want to marry unless my friends can, if they want to.
-Marriage doesn't guarantee fidelity, commitment or love.
-People make commitments, not ceremonies.
2007-09-22 02:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by edith clarke 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically society (other married men) tells men that marriage means a mess of laws that will screw him over later in favour of the woman if they ever divorce, less passion, an expensive wedding he cares nothing about that leaves him broke for the next 5 years paying it off...
So... a guy would want to get married to her when he can just live happily ever after with her, why ?
It does't matter whether its true or not; you hear it enough times you start to believe it.
Marriage also has nothing to do with committment anymore; you can get divorced so easily, it really lacks any meaning, just a bunch of legal nonsense you could do without if something changes and you do leave each other...
2007-09-21 22:59:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hanna E, you hit the nail on the head. I believe that your answer is exactly why people dodge marriage all together. It's also important to point out that some people go into relationships like these with hopes/promise of eventually getting married but they get strung along by their dishonest partner.
2007-09-21 23:08:10 · answer #4 · answered by nuggets of something 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because men are non-commital and women have such low self esteem. Been there..done that and I regret all 12 years of it. Now I'm dying because he wouldn't provide my health care and he's out dancing with a different woman every night. Don't ever commit to a man that won't commit to you!
2007-09-21 23:06:45 · answer #5 · answered by Becky B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because marriage is just a piece of paper. Whats the difference? Commitment is commitment. You don't need a piece of paper to prove your committed to someone. You prove it by not leaving.
2007-09-21 22:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I just don't see the need for the piece of paper. I have been married once and it wont' guarantee anything but tax cuts & legal benefits, and "social acceptance". I would rather keep the excitement by calling him my boyfriend than "husband." I don't need the fear, guilt and obligations that the word marriage enforce to commit to someone, as I don't believe the piece of paper to guarantee anything more than a regular commitment.
2007-09-21 22:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by Lioness 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
The only point in marriage is for the extra legal benefits that you get.. If you can work around that small bit-then what's the point? Do you really need a document to declare your love? Marriage sounds like too much trouble to me.
You can still be in a committed relationship and not married..
2007-09-21 22:51:47 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I believe it is because people are afraid to make a lifelong commitment. They are somewhat insecure in their choices, so they have the "fail-safe" of being able to pull out anytime they think they need to. But in the meantime, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
Incidentally, I don't agree with this lifestyle because I believe that it hurts everyone involved: "partners" and their children.
2007-09-21 23:01:02 · answer #9 · answered by Hanna E 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
In this respect, I am probably more traditional than most others on this forum..so I expect thumbs down.
I don't judge others..but I tend to agree with you as my personal preference. Research has shown that cohabitation is significantly correlated with a plethora of negative things..infidelity, domestic abuse, less satisfying sex, less satisfying marriage if they eventually do wed, less financial stability, etc. etc.
I know people are not statistics, but the research is so significant and so consistent that it's hard to ignore.
http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0022-2445(199505)57%3A2%3C421%3ACADICT%3E2.0.CO%3B2-H
http://melbourneinstitute.com/hilda/conf/conf2003/pdffiles/RWeston.pdf
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3214800.html
http://www.mafamily.org/Cohabitation.htm
2007-09-21 22:56:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋