ok i am married with two kids and i love my hubby but not in love and he is a good dad and tries to provide for us but here it goes i have never stopped loving my first love and i found him back in march on the computer and we have talked on here since well he found out his wife was cheating and just up and left tonight and his family is from the area and he wants to see me after 14 1/2 years and i want to see him so do i or stay away do i trust myslef or not and by the way i am fat fat fat now and that bothers me so what to do please dont be to hard on me
2007-09-21 15:29:06 · 19 answers · asked by lifeiscrazy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't meet him.
2007-09-21 15:36:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should stay away from your first love, the worst thing you can do is betray your husband and children (ironically, just like your ex's wife betrayed him). If these feelings won't go away, you can either keep them inside and make sure NOT to act on them, or you can be honest with your husband and seek professional marriage counseling to decide where to go from there. But what you are doing is very disrespectful to your husband and children. Could you imagine how you would feel if it was the other way around and your husband was still in love with his ex and was not only secretly communicating with her online, but contemplating on secretly meeting her! This is a very sad, unfortunate situation, but you are married and you should stay loyal to your family. How long have you been married and how long ago were you with your ex? How well do you even know your ex now? For all you know, he could not be the same person he used to be. Also, if his wife just cheated on him he is probably not in a very stable emotional state and is on the rebound. I strongly suggest you seek professional marriage counseling.
2007-09-21 15:57:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have changed since 14 years ago. You're a grown woman with children and a husband. You can't compare your life from now and then. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Your making a big mistake and it's going to come back to bite you on the butt. Your first love is hurting and vulnerable. The woman who he loves, cheated on him. If you deal with him, you mine as well get a divorce. There is no way you can deal with a vulnerable, needy and clingy man without your husband finding out. It's not about you anymore. You should have thought about all of this before you brought two children into this world.
When/if you do meet up with this guy, you will see that it's not worth it.
2007-09-21 15:40:34 · answer #3 · answered by KSR 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay away from him. Work on yourself and your marriage. If that woman decide to come back to that man, where do you think you will be? If you have a man that loves you and your baby, then you owe it to the family unit to try and make it work. Marriage is something you decided to enter into. So now that the ex is on the computer, you are so willing to cheat. I want you to know that you are now cheating on your husband now! You are having an emotional affair. While you are looking for ways to dump your husband, you should be trying to get healthy. You said you are fat, fat, fat. How's to say that this guy won't take one glance at you and run, where as your husband see you. Love you and have excepted you. You better think about it.
2007-09-21 15:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should run far away from this other man, lest you commit adultery. Remember your wedding vows that you said? For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until DEATH do us part. Love is a choice. Stay with your husband and stop cheating on him with this other man. Do what ever you have to, to make your marriage better. When you married your husband you became one flesh with him, the proof is in those children of yours, they are both you and your husband. Give your children a good example and be a faithful wife to your husband. Stop being so selfish and selfcentered. You will be happier if you do. This is the truth and not a lecture.
2007-09-21 15:56:40 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you ever really get over your first love....but there was reason that you aren't still with him. Your husband loves you.....doesn't matter if you put on some pounds. And chances are that married life is a bit boring, and you want a change of pace. Instead of looking at the greener pasture, why not try rekindling the fire you once had in your marriage? I am quite sure that your first love had some issues besides the wife running around. Do you really want to trade what you have for the unknown? Its great to fantasize but acting on it is emotional suicide. Could you live with yourself if you cheated on your husband? There has only been one man that could turn my knees to jello......when I see him, I cross the street to avoid him....I refuse to allow my hormones to ruin my marriage.
2007-09-21 15:51:34 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alright, here is your answer and probably not the one you want. If your hubby suddenly started seeing an old flame how would you feel and what would you do. If you continue on this track you will be endangering your family and the relationship you do have with your hubby.
Your old flame is has become a fantasy figure. And you are daydreaming of what it would be like to be with him again. The reality is that he is also 14-l/2 years older, not the same person that he was (or he wouldn't be asking you to cheat), and likely will treat you the same way when he grows bored with you.
2007-09-21 15:36:42 · answer #7 · answered by kny390 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can say from experience that even though I love my husband very much I'm not always in love with him. Sometimes I can't stand being around him he just sends me to my limits of patience. But if I contacted my first love I know I would devastate my family. It would be so easy for me as well because our families are still friends. I fell head over heels with my parents best friends son when I was 15. Needless to say we married other people and see each other now and again. Kind of hard not to we live in the same one horse town. You do have to realize that sometimes cheating couples forgive each other and reconcile their marriage so I wouldn't do any thing rash and up and leave your husband and family just to be with him. His head isn't on straight and he's grieving his lost marriage. Even after he does get it together you need to stay away for your family and your true love aka your husband. It's completely normal to fall out of love with your spouse and then to fall completely in love again. Here's hoping you make the right decision! God Bless!
2007-09-21 16:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by renee70466 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married. There is your answer. If you do meet him, do it with your husband at your side. If you are not happy in your current relationship then you have no business starting another one. Address the problems in your marriage and try to work things out. If you can't, get a divorce. After that, take a year off and figure out what you want out of life. If, after that, you are still curious about this man then by all means, start up a relationship. If he can wait that long for you then maybe it's something real. If he can't, well.....
Think about it, do you really want to be his re-bound relationship and him yours?? Those never work out. Get yourself together and figure your life out.
Good luck :)
2007-09-21 15:50:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think maybe you have been with your partner for awhile now,so he is familiar too you, and sometimes, people start having the 'grass is greener' complex. i am not a preacher,far from it,but i know a thing or two about love,and children,and stability.you have to think of the bigger picture-what if you sacrificed your partner and children for this man,and it didnt work out,and then you couldnt go back to your family?is that a risk you are willing to take? what if it was your partner looking for his ex partner,how would you feel? some people in the world are lucky enough to be able to make it work with someone,and raise children together..well,if i had that chance,i would definently take it,but that is not for everyone.
i just want you to consider everything,and think carefully-you would miss your partner,you would miss all the little things. it sounds a little like this other man is already having relationship troubles,which has nothing to do with you or your family.he sounds like its convenient for him,and it is all too soon to be thinking about throwing away everything you have worked hard for.i know you seem genuine,but remember,not everyone is like that.
2007-09-21 15:59:04 · answer #10 · answered by misscantbetold 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to break the hearts of your husband and your children too?You can learn to love the man who has provided for you all of these years,the one who has stood by you in thick and thin,the father of your children who incidentally,didn't go away like your "first love" did.If I were you,I'd remain exactly where I was.Love isn't easy,and it never just "happens."It takes work,and I don't mean cleaning the house kind of work.Your husband not only loves you,he needs you,and so does your children.By all means,stay with the one you took your vows with,otherwise you'll be committing adultery.
2007-09-21 15:56:35 · answer #11 · answered by old_ge.ezer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋