My parents never approved of him because he drinks and rides motorcycles. I moved in with him and his parents when I turned 18. Now I'm engaged to be married next month. My parents found out from my friends. My dad said he would never be welcome at his house, and told me if I married him he didnt want to see me again. No one approves of me marring him. He's not welcome at none of my families homes. No one approves of him except me and some of my friends. What should I do. Dad says blood is thicker than water, and that I should never turn my back on my family and thats what I've done all summer. Will they come around if I get married and accept him. Should I get married or not? Help me please.
2007-09-21 13:54:02 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if marrying him was what you truly wanted to do...you would NOT be asking us for our opinions! You seem to really want approval and love from your parents...and at 18 you deserve it. Your parents love you and want the best for you.
Marrying him will NOT make your parents accept him or your being with him. They probably feel very hurt by your actions. Your parents are not just your parents here, they could be your saviors...they want a stable life and a happy one for you. What does this boyfriend of yours do? Work? School? Sit around a drink all the time? He obviously doesnt make a lot of money if he is still living with his parents. Getting married at this age will be your biggest mistake!
Your dad is right that blood is thicker than water - in most cases, but when it comes to someone you love then there are boundaries. I think your dad's words have had a huge effect on you, one much bigger than you realize.
Do yourself a favor and dont get married yet! Stay young, move back with your parents and try to help encourage a relationship between him and your family. If your parents see that he treats you good (Im only assuming he does since you ARE engaged) and that he has a positive influence on you then maybe they will begin to accept him.
If you and him get married and you have a child with him-you WILL want YOUR family there to support you and not his parents so much. Dont realize when its too late the mistakes you have made.
Good luck!
2007-09-21 14:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I personally don't think you should get married because you are 18, not because of your family or your guy. You're too young. I know you have heard that a million times and when I was 18, I rolled my eyes just like you are now.
I wanted to get married at 18. Really glad I didn't. My husband and I have broken up many times and gotten back together. If we had married when I was that young, there is no telling where we would be right now - probably not still married.
The drinking and riding motorcycles probably doesn't have anything to do with why your parents don't like him. I'm sure it's more about how he treats you than anything. They probably feel that he is disrespectful to you and will not be there for you down the road. Listen to your parents, regardless of how free you feel right now, they are probably better judges of character due to life experience and age if nothing else.
Seriously think about it before you do this. A divorce is not cheap, financially or emotionally.
2007-09-21 21:20:06 · answer #2 · answered by Wicked 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be stupid. I don't even know you and Im telling you are heading in a downward spiral. First of all you are way to young to get married. Second you are just about to make the biggest mistake of your life. You should be haveing fun at your age , not being some keep women, never expirencing 21 and single. Theres a lot to life, you best think this one through real good. Also if your family is that upset, theres a reason for it. No one loves you more then your parents. I know thats hard for an 18 year old to believe but its true. They only want whats best for you. Give them a brake. Im am telling you this out of my own expirence I am much older and wiser then you. Do yourself a favore and at least think about this. Next you will be pragnent and your fun is over. And if he leaves you after that you will play hell finding a new mate. Think Hard
2007-09-21 21:16:58 · answer #3 · answered by pd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Familial relationships are very helpful after you get married for a multitude of reasons. Though you consider yourself quite old, why don't you put the marriage on hold for a couple of years? Work on yourself, he'll work himself; rent or buy a house, do some things together like traveling, etc. Unless you want to get pregnant right away, there's no need to get married right away. Move in together, start making a life together and enjoy each other's company before making a family and the like. Why rush into marriage?
When you family sees how well you get along, how mature he really is, how well YOU ARE doing, they're going to quit being judgmental and see what a great guy he really is.
2007-09-21 21:09:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should be a little more mature and instead of running from the situation you should sit down and have a very serious discussion with your family. If you truly love this man then your family should accept him for your sake. Explain to your parents that you love him and that if they care for you and want you to be happy they will have to accept him as well. Blood is thicker than water, but you are not the one who is turning your back on your family. I would have to say it is the other way around. They do not have the right to tell you who to love or what decisions to make. Try explaining some of the good aspects of your boyfriend and your relationship with him. After all, he isn't just your boyfriend now he is your fiance. If you love him that is what is important. Make yourself happy first. It is not you that is causing them to be upset... it is their refusal to have an open mind.
2007-09-21 21:04:41 · answer #5 · answered by OhiosGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully, you will ask this question again when you turn 22. You should not even be thinking of this until after you turn 20. Unfortunately, parents are usually right about stuff like this. You don't say how old he is to be drinking. Frankly, you are too young in my state to hang out with someone like this. BUT you are 18, an adult, make the adult decision to respect your parents wishes at least for a couple more years. After you finish college, I don't think you will see things the same way.
2007-09-21 21:14:26 · answer #6 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are only 18. You have lots of time to run through men. I don' t think you should marry him. People are put in your life for a reason. It is probably meant for you to learn something from him. Wait on marriage, find a man who WILL treat you like a queen. For your family, their looking out for you. There are men out there like that. You need to experience the single life for a while. Think about this really hard. Don't start your life off with a dead beat.
2007-09-21 21:23:29 · answer #7 · answered by SandraD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once dated a guy that my friends and family did not like. I finally saw the light and realized he was not a good person for me (or anyone else in my opinion) and got out of the relationship. I am so thankful we never married or had children because we would have been stuck having to be around one another forever!
Your family has your best interest at heart, and have more life experience than you do. At least listen to what they have to say, and ask them to explain if you do not understand. Then you can look at the pros and cons and make a more educated decision for yourself.
Just remember to put yourself first because no one else will do it for you.
2007-09-21 21:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like there is something more than just drinking here...does he work a steady job? What other qualities does he have? You need to point these things out to your parents. Explain why this person is good for you and why they should accept him. If he's not a bad person then after you marry I think your parents will come around to liking and accepting him.
2007-09-21 21:07:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to ruin your life? If you do, then marry him.
If you want a great life, then don't even think of getting married. Not only because everyone hates him, not only because he's a loser, not only because you will wind up in divorce, but also because you're only 18!
WHAT THE HELL IS THE RUSH? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO MARRY SOME LOSER, WHO WILL GET YOU PREGNANT AND THEN TAKE OFF? YOU WILL BE A SINGLE MOTHER, NOT ABLE TO WORK AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CHILD SUPPORT. YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY WON'T EVEN WANT TO HELP YOU, BECAUSE YOU BETRAYED THEM WHEN YOU DISRESPECTED THEIR WARNING. YOU WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE AND IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.
The man of your dreams has not arrived yet and that is because you have to date so many different men, before he does. Then one day in your late 20's, early 30's, that man will appear and BELIEVE ME YOU WILL HAVE THE BEST LIFE YOU COULD EVER HAVE! That's the man that will treat you like gold. He will do whatever he can to make you happy. That's when you will fall in love and BELIEVE ME, IT'S WORTH THE WAIT. You will laugh at the life you have now with the loser.
Take the loser out of your life and take your families advise. They know what they are talking about. They know how he will treat you. They know that he will ruin everything and their trying to save your life! DON'T TOUCH THE FIRE, BECAUSE YOU WILL GET BURNED.
LISTEN TO YOUR FAMILY. IF THEY'RE ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT HE IS NOT RIGHT, IT'S BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU!!!
2007-09-21 21:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋