I know all the reasons WHY you should leave your husband. Having made up your mind that you need to do so... HOW do you DO it? I've been married 25 years. Yes, I have a job. Our kids are older 13, 16 and 24. I don't know what our assets are. I don't know anything except how much money we have in the checking account. How do you prepare to end it? Do I just pack up and leave and go to a motel? Not my style. Any thoughts?
2007-09-21 11:30:33 · 12 answers · asked by ohyeah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After 9 years of marriage, I just left my husband and trust me, it is a VERY difficult decision. I approached him on my feelings and luckily he was amicable about the situation (I don't know how your husband will react) so he agreed it was best for him to leave so I could care for our children in our home. We have been seperated for five months and I filed for divorce about two weeks ago. The best advice if your situation is not "good" is to go see a divorce attorney first. They will advise you on what best to do, since all states have different family/divorce laws. The last thing you want to do is remove money from accounts and hide assets because that will put you in a bad light with the court system and your soon to be ex-spouse can and will hold it over you and use it against you in your divorce judgement.
Second, I recommend you find a very good marriage and family therapist. I have had to deal with a lot of guilt and shame because I wanted out of the marriage. It is best to talk to a outside third party about your feelings and concerns rather than a family member (in case you do works things out - highly unlikely from your message and may not be unobjective) but nonetheless, a professional who has been trained can better help you.
Last piece of advice, you must do what makes you happy and many times marriages just don't work out. Forgive yourself, cry, grieve and move on. The only person you have to live the rest of your life with is YOURSELF so make the most of it. Your children will be hurt initially and your family may question your decison and may or may not be supportive - but ultimately it is your decsion and don't let anybody make you feel guilty or bad.
Good luck and my prayers are with you..
2007-09-21 11:52:24 · answer #1 · answered by Vanessa C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your name is on the assets then you can always call and ask about them. To keep things on the up and up though I would contact a lawyer and let them deal with the assets. They are there to help research and find all of them and make sure you both get your fair share.
As for a place to live you could start looking now for a new home for you and your children to rent. It may not be great but renting is temporary and can get you through until your divorce is final.
Make sure anything that you have such as a 401K no longer has his name on it. You may have to wait until after the divorce to do a 401K but insurance plans and that sort of thing you could do now.
good luck
2007-09-21 11:37:42 · answer #2 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sneak around first: you have got to know your assets! Dig through the business papers and start budgeting. Do you know what you owe? Do you know what it costs to run your home? You are responsible-together- for bills. Start paying them off. start setting aside money for your future in another bank. You need to know what you own, and what the sale value is. You need to be organized and if you are trying to do it w/o him knowing, then have a friend keep copies of bills etc. at a friend's house.
You ought not to walk out w/o the kids as that is abandonment.
The internet is full of advice on women and divorce. Perhaps there is a women's group in your town. I did eveyhting over the internet and learned how to erase my steps by erasing the History on the computer- ask your kids how to do that!
2007-09-21 14:12:36 · answer #3 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I told my husband that I was leaving by the end of the week. I packed me and my Son's stuff and put in my car and drove away. We went to stay with my parents for a short while, then moved into our own place. But now were pretty good friends and my son often goes to visit his dad. It's been 5 years and were both doing great with our new lives.
2007-09-21 13:21:46 · answer #4 · answered by Jai 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all why are you not informed about what financial assets you have? You should KNOW this. Secondly since you have kids living in the home YOU don't leave, you can file for divorce and have your ex served elsewhere, his employer won't allow him to be served during working hours but you CAN have him served as he is leaving his workplace or if he goes out "with the boys" you can have him served at that time...I know one woman who had her husband served at a Home Depot! You can have it stated in the papers served to him that he is to vacate the home. I did pack up and leave, moved 3,000 miles back to my hometown.
2007-09-21 18:07:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him. If you know its time to leave he probably knows that your thinking of leaving. Just be really mature about it. Do everything as if its a business transaction and only talk when necessary. Don't worry about money yet, just leave to get out. Start your own checking acct. and seperate financial stuff first. The chick above me is obsessed with writing notes don't do it.
2007-09-21 11:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by The truth 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well, you write him a note, then you go and take all the money out of the account, start your own account and prepare for the worst
2007-09-21 11:36:23 · answer #7 · answered by ilovelilPhof 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
before u leave him get your money right get a law................ if u can get in the checking account.............. then when u got that down try to move with family or friends What ever it is be prepare. go luck.
2007-09-21 11:40:48 · answer #8 · answered by Sparkle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to check with a lawyer especially about the money issue
2007-09-21 11:36:21 · answer #9 · answered by *bAdHaBiT* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should ask a lawyer, because if you just leave, he can get you for abandonment.
2007-09-21 11:59:08 · answer #10 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋