and i just got done with my intro. can you give me some feedback on it?
You may ask what the point of being vegan is. If you go to a dictionary, it will tell you that veganism is," a lifestyle that seeks to exclude the use of animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose." But, there is more to it then just that. It's about saving the lives of other living, breathing, feeling creatures. Veganism is about love and compassion and enlightenment. It’s about knowledge and understanding, and to a degree, it’s about evolving.
2007-09-21 11:21:42 · 11 answers · asked by the roach 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
You have a very good intro!!! Total score: 97/92 or 106% Good job!!!!
2007-09-21 11:28:38 · answer #1 · answered by Angel N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very good introduction, and opens up the rest of the paper for an exploration of not just the diet of vegans, but the philosophy, the life style (how, for example, do they find clothing and household goods that don't violate their ethics) and for a further exploration into evolution of the vegan - where and when it began, how it has evolved, where it might be going.
Keep up the good work. .
2007-09-21 18:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
-The first sentence needs some work. It sounds awkward. Don't end it with "is."
-"But, there is more to it then just that."/ "Still, it is more than that." (It needs to be revised).
-"knowledge and understanding" repeats "enlightenment" (What about this: "Veganism is about love and compassion, knowledge and understanding.")
-You have an argument, but the "to a degree" makes it sound wishy-washy.
It's a good start. Just clarify more, and be bold. Good luck.
2007-09-21 19:07:15 · answer #3 · answered by Roald Ellsworth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, your intro is great but I think that if it's a research paper you should give both sides of the coin. You are showing that you are for veganism, but a lot of people may be against it.
Keep working like that!
2007-09-21 18:52:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good intro but I hope that in the rest of your paper you will include some pros AND cons of veganism, since having everyone's point of view in a paper is always a good technique.
2007-09-21 18:35:31 · answer #5 · answered by VWGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to make it sound less like you yourself are writing to someone.
For example instead of "You may ask.. write Many people wonder. The definition of veganism in Webster's dictionary is....
instead of But, there is more... write For Vegans themselves it means much more. To them it is about love...
Try to sound a bit objective, and not too persuasive
2007-09-21 18:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it sounds great also :)
really make sure you have smooth transition from the intro to the body. After you finish the body, make sure your intro still makes sense with what you wrote. Often as people write their ideas/focus may shift a little and can cause the intro to not make sense, so be careful of that.
2007-09-21 18:30:55 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very well written. It sums up what veganism is about and why someone may want to become a vegan. good job!!!
2007-09-22 08:58:53 · answer #8 · answered by Jeffrey P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wel i just wana remind u to emphasive on the diference between veganism and fruterian and vegeterranian cuz normal poepl would wanna knoe that
2007-09-21 18:35:16 · answer #9 · answered by Albert 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to specify which dictionary you used. But other than that, it looks fine.
2007-09-21 18:35:39 · answer #10 · answered by VeggieTart -- Let's Go Caps! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋