Do you think I'm being too harsh?

Question

Well my older teen brother is smoking. Its something he has recently started. probably mainly peer presure and stuff like that. He wont stop. he says he "cant". I live with my boyfriend now, in an apartment. I've told my brother he cant come visit me until he stops smoking, not only because im scared for his health, but because I'm also pregnant. There is more conversation to it but I dont want to add all that. All I'm asking, is do you think I'm being too harsh in not letting my brother see me in our apartment. We used to be so close and now we are quickly drifting apart so suddenly. A couple of weeks ago he knocked on my door completely pissed and asked how my four year old daughter was. (I don't have a four year old daughter! I'm 15!). I'm completely blocking him out until he gets his act together and grows up. Am I being harsh, or for once am I doing something right...?

so what if im 15 years old? my parents don't live that far away and they come around at least once in 3 days, or every day if they can but that gets a bit annoying sometimes. We made this decision together ok? Its not like they kicked me out.

he cant be charged it isnt his twins being born, its someone elses. and I dont appreciate the judgement. dont bother I'v had alot of crap already I'll just ignore whatever you may have in store.

Answer 1

You're not talking to him because he's smoking? What if he stopped talking to you because you're 15 and pregnant?
You shouldn't judge him, you should try and help him quit but in the end it's up to him. That's no reason to not talk to your brother. I wouldn't let him smoke around you though or in your apartment, obviously, for the babies health.

Answer 2

Smoking is a hard habit to break and since he just started it would be so easy to quit. If he doesnt smoke in your home, I think you should let him visit. Just be firm that there is to be NO SMOKING in your home. I am a smoker trying to quit, I've smoked for over 20 years. It an addiction no different than being addicted to a drug. In fact nicotine is a drug. My husband quit 7 years ago and I never smoke in the house or when Im with him. Be supportive dont boot him out of your life for smoking. My other observation is when he came over and asked to see your 4 year old daughter. Was he being sarcastic because he hasnt seen you or what. I dont know what to make of that. I know ive been rambling but maybe my thoughts on this might help you make a decision. Congratulations on your baby and good luck with your Brother.

Answer 3

First of all, what the hell is a 15 year old doing with someone that is potentially 18 or over? In most states you need to be 18 and over to rent an apartment. How are you parents dealing with this? Maybe he is getting a cue from you. You can do what you want without listening, so why can't he? And if you are really pregnant and he is over 18, that is called statutory rape. If your boyfriend gets found out, he is going to jail and your unborn child will become a ward of the state. Now if you were older, then I would say that you are not being harsh. I wouldn't want a smoker polluting my child's and my lungs with the smoke that he is producing.

Answer 4

You need to love your brother, but you don't have to accept his behavior. You don't have to let him smoke in your home.

It seems like you've made some mistakes of your own. Would you want to be punished for them, or would you want your brother to love you anyway?

When you are 50 and he is 53 or whatever, what do you want your relationship to be with him and how will your actions today affect that future picture? If you begin to frame your "today" decisions based on the "tomorrow" outcome, you might find yourself making better/different decisions.

Answer 5

I am sorry, but no fifteen year old should be living with their boyfriend/girlfriend. You are not old enough. You can get pissed at me or whatever, but fifteen is way too young to be living with someone who isn't your parents.
About the question on hand, no I don't think that it is wrong of you to block out your brother, especially considering that there is an child involved. Second hand smoke kills, and you don't want it to affect you, or the life of your child.

Answer 6

Where are your parents? You guys should be in school not pregnant or smoking. It sounds like he is doing drugs if he thinks you had a baby for four years. I would watch out sounds like Meth to me if he is that out of it.

If it is meth i would try my best to get him help but stay clear meth is bad news it will make him turn on you even if you were close. I say love him and talk to him the best you can without being judgemental or anything to make him resent you

Answer 7

Please don't be so hard on yourself! I'm sure this isn't the first time you've done something right. =) I think you are right. I smoke and NEVER near my son, not in the car, not when we go for walks not at all. Not in the house. I think since your pregnant you have a responiblty to your unborn child. You are making a good choice. I don't smoke when I visit friends or family. In fact very few people know I do. LOL I'm trying to quit it's very hard! You have every right to make your house a smoke free home...in fact it's best that you do.

Answer 8

You are 15 and pregnant, now that should be the issue here, not that your brother smokes. But, anyway, I can't stand cigarette smoke either, so just tell him that when he visits you, that he will need to stand outside and smoke, or maybe not smoke at all when he visits.

Answer 9

You have absolutely every right to ask that not smoke around you and your unborn child. However, you cant dictate what other people do with THEIR bodies.

In much the same way as Im sure you resent being judged for being pregnant at 15 , im sure he resents being judged, by his younger sister for smoking.Just remind yourself there are far worse things he could be doing. and as long as he[s not doing it around you, it's really none of your business.

Answer 10

well it all depends on what he is smoking....

if it is cigerettes then yes you are being way to harsh. He could come to your apartment and not smoke in front of you.

if it is drugs that he is smoking then you need to talk to him about it and let him come to terms on his own.

either way you have no reason to be harsh on anyone for living the life they want to. If anything shouldn't your brother be angry at you and not want to see you, because you are 15 and pregnant??
Let it go, you are not going to change him, worry about yourself and that unborn baby!