Im hurting. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me hald a year ago and it was really painful for me. He was always contacting me even after the break up and was telling me that maybe in the future we can get back together but he doesn't want to continue our long-distance relationship for now. It was difficult for me to know what he really wants because he was always very upset if I told him that I am going to stop all communication with him. I went to see him a month ago and it was very nice and he was with me as if we are still together but then he told me we need to move on at least for now. I was devastated. About a week ago, I told him final good bye but he contacted me again telling me it's too hard He asked me if I didn't want to save anything and break everything by walking away and cutting all communication. Since then I have taken his words seriously and did not manage to cut all communication. But now when I ask him to talk, he gets all stressed and says he is too tired from work.
2007-09-21 09:21:15 · 18 answers · asked by Elisa N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I asked him to talk tonight as I needed to talk, some clarity, I have been struggling really hard but when he called me he said he is too tired from work and I only put more pressure on him and he doesn't want to spend his time on the phone and he finished the conversation so fast. I am so down about this. What can I do? I thought he didn't want to loose me but now he acts as if he doesn't care but he was the one who said that he is too scared to loose me.
2007-09-21 09:22:43 · update #1
Seriously change your number he knows he has you and can keep pulling this crap. Just be like that's it and stick to it believe me you'll feel so much better. Good luck
2007-09-21 09:25:39 · answer #1 · answered by The truth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to have his cake and eat it.
It sounds like he really cares about you, maybe even still loves you, but isn't prepared for the commitment of the relationship (esp hard if its still long distance like you mentioned).
He wants to keep you as a friend, and to know that you still love him, without commiting to you, and that's not fair at all.
If I were you I'd try to cut off all communication and make sure your friends entertain and look after you and keep you strong. When he contacts you again asking if you want to throw all this away, tell him that it's all or nothing. Make him understand that you aren't ready to be friends just yet. Tell him that you still love him and want him to be your boyfriend, and that it's too hard to see him knowing that he doesn't feel the same. Make him make a decision. It's likely that he'll say something you don't want to hear. But if he doesnt want you to be his girlfriend, you can't wait another 6 months of your life waiting.
who knows? Maybe he'll decide to ask you back straight away? Or after a year or so being single, you'll both have developed on your own, but will still miss eachother and end up getting back together? If it's meant to be it will be. But dont let him mess with your feelings.
However much you enjoy his company, it's not worth it if you feel rubbish every time you get a reminder that he doesnt love you enough to want to be with you.
Good Luck, I hope you get him back, but if not, being single's not too bad, you have way more time to concentrate on your friends and career. Plus you get to get in some flirting practise which wil be good for next time you see him!
2007-09-21 16:34:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lucy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A long distance relationship is a very hard thing to work at. He is being selfish, he wants to be able to do whatever he feels like it and not feel guilty about it; therefore he chooses not to have a girlfriend, but keeps you around so you wont move on. It's easier said than done, but do you really want to stick around with someone that doesn't have time for you. I would cut all communications and if he really cares for you he will prove it to you. It just seems like you are doing all the work and he is just sitting around knowing that you will come back. My recommendations: Read the book: "He's just not that into you."
2007-09-21 16:36:59 · answer #3 · answered by Mary J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where you are coming from. It sounds like he wants to call all the shots and relationships dont work like that,it all about giving and taking from both parts. I had a simular expirence a few years ago and as hard as it may be now I think you should cut all ties and move on. In time the pain will go and you will move on and meet someone else, but only you have the answers. Good luck and I hope that whatever you decide it makes you happy,xx
2007-09-21 16:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by salamanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had an ex-boyfriend who did the same thing to me when I was in highschool. He only wanted me when it was convenient for him. He'd call me when he was bored, or if he wanted something from me. But I could never get anything out of him. He'd talk about the future sometimes, almost like he was dangling a little thread just to keep me around. I spent most of my time crying and waiting for his phone calls.
Finally, I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. One night when he called I told him it was over and I didn't want to talk to him ever again. He said "if you really mean that, say goodbye and hang-up", like he didn't believe me. Well, I did it, even though it was the hardest thing I had ever done at that time in my life. I cried for about a day, but after that I felt sooooooo good about myself.
I learned to be happy by myself, and met my (now) husband only a couple of months after that.
I know how hard this is, but I also know that you won't be able to move forward if you two keep communicating. You deserve to find happiness!
2007-09-21 16:31:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. This guy is playing you like a fiddle, Girlfriend. The worst part is, you're letting him. You love him, and he knows he has you. He tugs your heart strings JUST ENOUGH to keep you interested...JUST IN CASE he doesn't find something better. It took me a LONG time to realize that anyone that does not have the TIME to talk to me about a serious relationship issue, is someone I should not be wasting MY time on. If he didn't want to lose you, he wouldn't be ignoring your cries now. My best advice to you is, I know it hurts, but go on with your life without this fool, unless you want to be sad forever, and be a little puppet on a string that he pulls to make you do tricks whenever HE feels like it. You deserve better. But you're letting him see he can do it, so he does. It's that simple. It's really hard when you love someone, but I finally learned I have to be selfish enough to love myself a little more or get stepped on. Love yourself enough NOT to put up with this. Move on, Dear. If he's smart, he'll wise up and PROVE to you he's an idiot and change his ways. But be prepared to move on without him, because every day you waste WONDERING is a day you could have spent working towards finding a wonderful person that will be by you ALL the time, not just PART-TIME!
2007-09-21 16:31:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot of guts,but you really need to walk away from him.your ex is just keeping you as a stand by just in case his other relation doestnt work.What you need to understand is that some people are just selfish,they want to eat there cake and have it @ the sametime.Pls stop this ill treatment before you get hurt the more bcos it will not get any better,will only get worst.You dont have to put up with it,give yourself sometime to get over him,cut of all his contacts and set yourself free from bordom.Good luck.
2007-09-21 17:44:33 · answer #7 · answered by adeb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to be in a relationship but he wants you/sex on tap. If he has finished with you an he's the one telling you to move on then move on. You can't have him dictating your life the way he has been doing. My suggestion is to cut all ties with him, get over it and move on. It won't be easy but you'll feel much better in the long ryn than if you stay with him. Men like to have things their way and on their terms. Show him your boss and lose the contact. Hope everything works out for you.
2007-09-21 17:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by miss gorgeous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
please let him go. You need to cut all communication; his actions are selfish and are intended to serve his own needs with no interest if how it affects you. This is not love, he is clinging to you like a bad habit. You need to be strong as he has no intention of being the one to close this. You will sleep easier once you tell yourself it's over and bring this to a close yourself, the pain is the not knowing and because he is not allowing you to move on. If you end this, you will feel stronger.
2007-09-21 16:29:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds like my ex pet trust me you be better off if you just let him go you deserve better show him to that you can do better i know it hurts its only 7 months since i broke up with my ex but i soon found better than him im even engaged now and the ex wants me back after the way he treated me not a hope be strong girl
2007-09-21 16:26:39 · answer #10 · answered by angel 36 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard the phrase---Having your cake and eating it too? Because that is exactly what this wanker is doing. He keeps you off balance and right where he wants you (in convenient reach for him) while at the same time going about his business and doing whatever the hell he wants.
Block his number, block his IM email and any other address he might have and get about with YOUR life.
2007-09-21 16:36:00 · answer #11 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋