Hurt and confused?

Question

My hsuband and my sex life has diminished. He said he has no sexual desire.
Yet, he keeps waking me up in the middle of the night masturbating.
I told him it hurt my feelings. For him to tell me he has no desire and than show he has desire and do it right next to me. It hurt me.
If it was a normal healthy sexual realtionship, I dont think it would bother me,it never has before.
But..now...it hurts..
Its like a slam to me..I dont know what to say or do.

He adamantly refuse counseling.The last time he did it laying by me. I cried and told him how I feel. This time he told me I was crazy, to prove it, how could he do it without leaving a mess kinda thing, and than told me he was married to a nut and to go to hell. I dont know what to do.
Divorce is not an option for me.

Than now what!! I told him my feelings, he did it again. This time he denied it and said I was crazy, nuts, etc.
Last time I slept ina different room for a week.I told him I dont feel safe in my own bed anymore(emotionally safe) he told me to go to hell

Answer 1

I would seek counseling and if he wants your marriage to work then he will gladly go with you. But talk to him about it. Keep your head up and remember to pray about it.

Answer 2

My husband did the same to me, I turned to depression then online video games where I talked to two different guys online and on the phone. Well my husband left last year and says it was partially cus I cheated on him...by phone....anyway I had stopped that and that was a long time ago andhe brings it up like hes hurt but when I mention about waking up to him masturbating hes changes the subject back to me. I don't know what the answer is. It brings a womans self esteem down alot though that I will tell you. Just go talk to a counselor on your own, go back or to school and take some classes and get out with some friends make new friends take up a hobby and when you are wanting sex do the same masturbate and let him wake up to you. anyway the other stuff will help bring your esteem up enough to realize this man and this marraige might not be worth how what he does and him not caring might not be worth it all. You are betther than this and if he can't see that screw him. You deserve more.

Answer 3

Relax, take a deep breath.

Clearly, you're disappointed with the sexual encounter you had. But, tell me, who did you want to find lying in bed asleep next to him?

As your hurt feelings naturally fade into curiosity, I want you to remember all the things he was surely feeling. Hurt. Scared. Embarrassed. Pressured. What might you have done or said to have turned him off early that night? Do you suppose that maybe you are the beautiful siren that turned him on again late that night? What do you suppose he could be trying to tell you? Importantly, what might you do to make him feel more open and comfortable?

I envy your adventure of discovery as you seek new ways to build the deep bond that both your souls crave.

Answer 4

I think he has a serious problem, I haven't met the first man that would rather masturbate than to have sex with partner. Is it possibly that he is gay? I don't know what to think of him. How could you not have desire to have sex with your wife, but wake up in the middle of the night to masturbate. He is sick. He really needs help. Has he stop loving you? Or did he even love you to begin with? You need to have a serious talk with this character. He needs to see a psychiatrist. You really need to solve this problem. It wouldn't be fair for you to share a life with a man that doesn't feel anything for you. You deserve to be happy. If he is not willing to do something about his problem, I would consider divorcing him. I'm sorry I couldn't help you more, good luck.

Answer 5

Your sex life with your husband does have a major affect on your overall relationship. If this was a problem in the past why wasn't it addressed and fixed? Also, speak to him and say that he is hurting you and your self esteem. He is making you feel that you are undesired or attractive. Why would he prefer masturbating over his wife?? He has some issue that needs to be worked on so maybe try seeing a counselor to help the relationship.

Answer 6

I am not so sure what to say. I would be really hurt also. Maybe you should tell him that if he doesn't want to have sex with you then you can find it else where. He needs to be a husband to you not just someone to sleep in the same bed.

Answer 7

He must have some desire if he's waking up and doing that. He is tormenting you. He gets off tormenting you while pleasuring himself and that's sick. Who knows what other twisted things he's doing. I think counseling is in order here.
I would sleep in another room until he seeks help. Obviously, just telling him it hurts you isn't working.

Answer 8

Sigh...my husband did that in front of me too,bedroom, and internet and he never realized its very demeaning,disgusting, and no self-respect.But what can i say? boys will always be boys, its their nature to be like animals (but lovable animals), as well as girls, whiners! He might probably in some sort of depression, and i think you should both go to a sexual therapist.I should have gone there before, and now its worst. My husband would tell me before its ok, but now i dont. Approach him in a good mood, and i hope hell be ashamed to himself.

Answer 9

if hes not going to use you he can take it in the shower but the two of you should see a marriage counselor. try spicing things up with langerie and role playing.

Answer 10

Take control of yourself. Don't worry if he is happy or wants you. Please yourself. Strut around naked. Play with toys. He will let you know if he wants to play too. If he doesn't want to play, find someone else to play with.