Is it bad to want to have an affair, even though your spouse had one first?

Question

In other words, sometimes I catch myself thinking about wanting to have an affair, I know deep inside I could never do something like that, but is it bad to think about having an affair or is something wrong with me?

Answer 1

NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! Trust me, I know..those feelings never go away...you are always going to have trust issues with him...even when things are good. You should have an affair, one last tryst..and not tell him..he deserves to have something happen to him too..its simply not fair when men cheat and then turn around and say OMG how could *you* cheat on me? F that...men have been treating us like crap for far too long, and frankly hes a lucky man, becasue another woman would have left his ***.

I have thought about it many times too but never actually done anything. I think the reason why is because I truly love him, and I never wanted to have an affair to satisfy sexual urges..but just to get back at him for the hurt and pain he caused me...even though I had no plans of telling him..somehow I thought that every time I thought of his indescretions that i could look back and at least have satisfaction in knowing he would feel just as hurt as I am if i ever told him.

Answer 2

Two wrongs don't make a right. If you hate your husband's affair,why did you do it again? revenge? I suggest you 'd better stop it. I made a friend on sugarmommymeet.com and he told me he could not have an affair until he found his wife had been having an affair. Think it over before you make an action! If your spouse has had one what you do is to sit down and talk honestly.

Answer 3

There's obviously lots of things to consider when a spouse has cheated and it is more complicated than some people think. Some women say, "Oh if my husband ever cheated he'd be kicked to the curb!" I was one of them. But there's a lot involved. How many years you've been together, is it worth it? Is this something he did out of hurt? Is cheating part of him, his personality? How did I contribute? What was going on in the marriage at that time? Etc., etc....I know exactly how you feel as I sometimes struggle with the same thoughts! It is not wrong to have those thoughts. Part of it is just that feeling of wanting to get even, especially when all those feelings of when you first found out rush over you and you know what he did was really sh!tty! Or when you have all those "wonder's"--I wonder where...I wonder what positions they were in...I wonder, where was I? But you said yourself, deep down you couldn't go through with it. You can be strong and dignified and at the same time show mercy and grace to your husband. I wish you a long and monogamous marriage!!

Answer 4

I don't think it is "bad". I think it is a normal response. What you do with it is another thing.
My husband cheated on me before we were married. And I felt the same way. And I acted on it. And all it did was make me feel worse, and caused additional problems. Nothing positive came out of it.
Decide what you want to do. If you want to stay married, an affair will not help your marriage out.
It is a hard thing your going through, and I wish you the best.
Be strong.

Answer 5

umm, once my significan other cheated on me i totally wanted to have one. not soon after the incident happend, but, later on down the line i would totally check out dudes! i knew it was too soon & our situation/relationship became very delicate. i once heard an old man say that his life long marriage to his partner only lasted because he used to have affairs. See men think so differently than women. They can say, oh well i don't love those other women, you are whom i am truely in love with!
needless to say that their affair was a total physical one. & would you be more hurt if he actually developed feelings for this person rather then just getting off on a few moments heat of passion. life sucks & so do some men. also i need to mention that i heard another man say that you can cheat you just can't get caught!!!! think like a man baby!

Answer 6

There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are human and have flights of fancy. I dream of looking like J.Lo sometimes... I wish then I look down and sigh. I see houses, nice houses then come back to my trailer. I see beautiful guys and go home to my man. I wish I was thinner and more beautiful, but you know what? As long as all that is in my mind and do not act on it. it is normal. Take the high road and NEVER lower yourself to cheating on him or YOU will have to suffer. Right now YOU are in the high seat and you can use this against him and use it to your advantage for the rest of your life if you want to but that is not healthy. We are to forgive, NOT forget, but forgive. All I know is that as long as YOU don't fall, you've got him. Think what you want, use manual intervention and use your mind to please yourself but do NOT make it real. Hell, the fantasy in your mind is probably better than the guy in real life. Wouldn't that be horrible if you risked your position you have now for a terrible lover? Don't do it. Be strong.

Answer 7

Thinking about wanting to have an affair is slightly different than actually wanting to have one. You were very careful with your words there.

Only you know how you really feel. If you're happy and don't actually want to cheat, then more power to you. It's cruel to lead someone else on when your thoughts and intentions are elsewhere though.

Answer 8

I think its natural most people who's spouse has an affair want to have an affair themselves as way to get revenge.

Answer 9

It's not the most constructive way to mend your relationship. It's probably you're desire to get back at him. As you say, you could never do something like that, and is not in your persona to cheat. Don't let your anger get the best of you.

You need to find out what's most important to you - getting back at him or working on fixing the relationship. You may need to go to couples/marriage counseling. It's going to bother you for a long time and will take work to trust him. I know it's easier said then done, however, if you find that you can't be with him without being angry you may need to take time out and find out what makes you happy, even if it means divorcing him.

Good luck.

Answer 10

if u want some revenge take and massage his member and testicles with some ben gay then also put some on his spinkster, make sure u get the waterproof kind. after u do this u won't think about an affair any more because u'll be laughing to hard, and if says anything to u tell him u made a mistake and i'm sure he knows about mistakes.