okay here it goes me and my fiancee got in a fight and he took my ring away.... and he told me part of the reason is because he might leave to go study in new york for 5 years and his church offers a program that pays for his school... and he has to put in his application in december.... also it's a year waiting list... and by then he'll decide if he wants to marry me... but recently he asked me not to go to a very important event in my family... it's my cousins babies batism and she's also my bestfriend... he said if i don't go he promises to marry me the next day... but i told him i don't want to get married right away.... and i also told him but you said you might leave to new york and leave me... i said i rather wait until your sure you want to stay... man he got so mad at me he said your putting your family before me... but that's not true i love him so much... i always put him first... Do you think i was right or am i putting my family before him?
2007-09-21 07:51:26 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How old are you? This situation is so childish. Both of you need to grow up before even considering marriage. You always put him first? That is stupid. You make a doormat of yourself. You are letting him jerk you around. He will just keep using you and keep you waiting. You should grow up and realize that marriage is not somr stupid fairy tale. It is about compromise, much like a successful international negotiation. One side cannot come first, both must be accomodated with a give and take dynamic in order for success. If you don't know that, then you are too young or too ignorant to get married. Like I said, grow up.
2007-09-21 08:02:21 · answer #1 · answered by practical thinking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U are 100% correct. No offense but he seems like the jealous and controling type. It's ur bestfriend and ur cousin's baby batism. It's not like ur going to a bar or clubbing. He is way to controling if he wont even let u go there.
Plus i cant believe he has the audacity to complain about it when he is putting the marriage on hold bc of his own schooling. He is very selfish and i dont think there would be much happiness if he keeps putting up this act.
2007-09-21 14:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by Honest Answers™ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A true man, who loved you and valued you as the woman that he wanted to share his life and future with would not be treating you in such a way.
The correct way that you need to look at yourself in your life is yourself and your family first and then the rest of the people involved in your life.
He does not love you, he is using you and manipulating you. That is not love that is control. Your loyalty and connection to your family comes first, and he has no right to stop you from attending any family function.
This is one of the methods that a controlling and potentially abusive person acts toward the person he supposedly loves.
Isolation is a big factor in control; and if you do not want to have a life of your own, continue on with this guy.
You do not say a word about the fact that he does not state that he loves you, he manipulates you...that is not love.
You can think that you love him so much, but you are obviously young and think that you have to be engaged or on the path to marriage in order to be living a worthwhile life.
You have spoiled him into thinking that he can make you do anything for him and change your life and needs for him.
You come first and foremost, then when you are a strong person in your own right, achieving your own dreams in life, only then are you able to fully share yourself with a man who loves you for you.
Let this boy go and find his own way in the world, and you value yourself enough to wait for a man who truly loves you.
2007-09-21 15:52:00 · answer #3 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds extremely selfish. If he is that way now, what the hell makes you think he will change? He is NOT marriage material. Perhaps it's a good thing all of this came out now, before the vows were said, because after that I believe you would be in a situation where you would be extremely unhappy and discouraged every day of your married life.
Beyond being selfish, he sounds like a very dominant and controlling person who wants to keep you under his thumb at all times telling you who you can see, where you can go, and what he wants you to do. Is that the kind of life you want for yourself? I think not.
Take my advice. Let him keep the ring and tell him where he can shove it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go play the field. There are a lot of good guys out there, but he is not one of them.
2007-09-21 15:03:21 · answer #4 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is really trying to manipulate you. You can't threaten and hold marriage over someones head every time you get mad or that person doesn't do what you want. I would tell him unless he can show that he is sincere and really understands what marriage is about, I wouldn't even consider marrying him.
It also sounds like his life is in flux and it wasn't the right time for him to be promising to make a commitment.
Hold your ground and if he doesn't like it, he will either straighten up or hit the road.
2007-09-21 14:59:03 · answer #5 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family should come first... And once he marries you he will realize that because he WILL be your family! How selfish of him to expect you not to go to a very special event in your cousin's(BEST FRIEND) life! You did the right thing, he is being unreasonable & yanking you around! Ugh, Men are SO difficult!
2007-09-21 14:57:34 · answer #6 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds too immature and crazy to get married. You shouldn't even be seeing or talking to him right now, especially after he took his ring back. He's not serious about marrying you and he's already had a change of heart. So, it's time for you to grow up and find someone else. Let this jerk go.
2007-09-21 20:29:12 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my word - he sounds like a handful. thinking that he's going to be away from you for a long time might be a good idea to consider not geting married (if there's no way you could go too, etc).
however, why should it change him wanting to marry you just because you want to go to an important family event? that makes no sense. he sounds selfish and immature. be very careful before YOU agree to marry HIM!
2007-09-21 14:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by justasboredasyou 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's being selfish! Besides, he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Don't wait around on him to decide what he wants to do. One day he wants to marry you and the next day he doesn't. He's definitely playing games. And family should always come first.
2007-09-21 15:02:20 · answer #9 · answered by ~JUST ME~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being controlling and immature. move on with out him. He is not ready to get married and take the future with you serious. You deserve to be loved by someone who truly can't even think about life without you in it. DON'T RUSH IT. And don't throw your future away for him. Your cousin's baby being baptized is a special day for her. You should have been able to go and enjoy it with her.
2007-09-21 15:07:31 · answer #10 · answered by Lioness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋