I've just started college, and have two wonderful boys, do you think its wrong of me to stay with my abusive husband until I'm done with college and then leave him? I have no job right now, and no family or friends to help me out either.
2007-09-21 07:44:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Every time I'm thinking about leaving, he starts to be a nicer person, and then that confuses me so much
2007-09-21 07:49:00 · update #1
If he is abusive and you plan to leave him, do not wait until after college to do so. This will reflect badly later, and it will come across as 'you used him for his money' and such since you do not have a job.
If you are able to get funding for school through financial aid, and are set to go, see if the college has a daycare, as most nowadays do. You might also check into a study-work program or offer services to the school to pay for child care while you are in class.
He is the father. If he's willing to help raise the children let him do his fair share by dropping the kids off with him while you attend class.
There is no need to put up with abuse to fund your future. There are other ways to do it. There are also counselors at most schools. I would suggest talking to one about your financial needs as well as emotional needs.
2007-09-21 07:57:49 · answer #1 · answered by Luineannon 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry you're in bad relationship. If he's physically abusing you, you should share that information with someone in your community as soon as you can, possibly your school has resources and could help. If he's being emotionally abusive only (going from mean to nice to mean, etc.) then try talking to him about how close he is to losing you. Do it while he's on one of his "nice" streaks. See if he's willing to go talk with someone. Talking with a professional can help a great deal. If he's willing to, then plan to keep going on a long term basis -that can make him more accountable for how he's treating you. No matter what he decides to do, you should really consider finding someone to talk to, like I said, it can really help and they should be able to help figure out whether it or not it's too risky to stay with him. school can take a long time, and you need your mind clear to do well, so being in an abusive relationship while going to school might not be the best idea. -and that's not to mention your kids. You should try to do what's best for yourself, and your children. Good luck.
2007-09-21 15:04:43 · answer #2 · answered by blujello 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're asking for us to judge you? I'm not going there. What you don't say is if he is abusive to the boys, or just to you? If he is abusive to the boys, then as their guardian, you have a responsibility to guard them from harm. If simply abusive to you, please do keep in mind that children learn what they live. Yes, a college education is important. The school of life is even more important. What are you learning, what are your boys learning? When will you be ready for different life lessons, and to show your boys different life lessons? In the grand scheme of things, learning to love is a higher lesson than obtaining a college degree. Simply contemplate on that and make your choices from love.
2007-09-21 15:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows he is keeping you confused. Get out and go to a shelter or a friends and then go to the state welfare office in your town and get as much help as possible, you sure can, with no job and 2 kids. You can or should get help with college through financial aid, talk with them. Get a job and the welfare will probably help you get a place to live. Or kick him out, call police when abuse happens and have him kicked out. Get a restraining order through your local District attorney or sheriff office. Then you will be at home with the kids and then go straight to welfare and hunt a job.
2007-09-21 15:04:35 · answer #4 · answered by lana s 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends if your husbands abusive behaviour is putting you in danger. In most broken relationships it is not always easy for anyone of us to just pick up and leave due to financial burdens or lack of financial resources and it takes planning to be able to leave. So if you feel by furthering your education will bring you into a much better financial position in order to be able to support yourself and your children, then by all means stay. Once you decide to leave the marriage and obtain a divorce you might be required to repay your husband what it cost him to finance your education, it all depends what state you live in. Consult a divorce attorney on matters such as this. Best of luck to you.
2007-09-21 14:57:12 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, of course he starts to be nicer: otherwise, you'd leave. The problem is, it's never going to stick, or it would have already. Don't keep falling for it. Find a women's shelter or other local resources, talk to your school to see what you can do about adjusting your financial aid, and get out.
2007-09-21 14:57:42 · answer #6 · answered by MM 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it is never a good idea to stay in an abusive relationship ESPECIALLY if you have children. You need to have some dignity and stand up for yourself. If you stay with this man for money and security, you are selling yourself to the abuse.
2007-09-21 15:21:14 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there are many mothers that balance school... full time job... and raising the kids now days.... just thought i'd put that out there.... im not telling you leave your husband... cause thats your decision... not mine.... but i am "suggesting" that you leave him... abusive relationships aren't good for anyone.... where does the abuse end? when someone ends up dead? (a weird but wise man told me that.... and we are now no longer involved)... you can get by without him... there are many support groups/homes for abused women.... plus he is obligated to help you care for your boys... i know you are trying to look at the big picture... but look at the bigger one... the example being set for your boys.... abuse is not okay... and they need both of their parents alive and well so they can be cared for.... good luck!
2007-09-21 14:59:08 · answer #8 · answered by chrysteena 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, let me get this straight, you want to keep your children in a home with an abusive man?
No, I do not believe that this is in the best interest of your children.
2007-09-21 14:50:31 · answer #9 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Jesus I don't even know what to say to you.
Yes, it's very wrong.
If you can't afford to go to college without him, then save college for later and get a job.
2007-09-21 14:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋