If he loves me still and believe in the sanctity of our marriage, that it is as well our commitment to God not just to ourselves, he shouldnt have filed. We should have to face it together, but i feel that hes leaving the problems on my own.He thinks its all my fault, and i refuse to believe that in my heart. WE both made mistakes together, and shouldnt couples solve them together, and not leave his/her partner when the going gets tough? Or is it just an American culture that differs in ours, but i know a lot of mixed marriages that survive though the toughest times.I am devastated, i feel that hes being selfish.
2007-09-21 07:24:43 · 17 answers · asked by BubblegumFighter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, it sounds like he's already got his mind made up. I do believe that marriage is a constant struggle that couples should be willing to fight for in order to stay together, but not everybody feels their marriage is worth fighting for. Or maybe he just wasn't ready to get married.
I am an American married to a European and although there are some differences I can honestly say that I have learned and accepted more good from him than he has from me. It's all about recognizing and changing what one should change about themselves in order to make things work.
2007-09-21 07:43:46 · answer #1 · answered by Gipsyfire 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is all your fault? You beat around the bush without saying anything about why he's filing for divorce. Obviously there are problems but your aren't specific enough or give enough information.
What mistakes did you both make?
Yes couples, if they are truly in love should try to work out their problems. Communication between the two is the best way. Do/did you talk? Did you try to resolve the problems or just ignore them and hope they would go away?
Another source of assistance is through marriage counselors. They can help teach the two of you how to communicate. But then again both parties need to be willing to try.
For some people it is much easier to run away from problems rather than face them. They learned early in life to do this and when as an adult the same situations arise they leave because that's what they did their entire life. They have not learned to accept responsibility for their actions nor how to solve problems.
Does he still love you? That is a question you asked and I ask again. If there is still love then there is still hope. If on the other hand he realizes that he no longer has feelings for you, you will have to accept that and move on as painful and tearful as it is.
If you can talk reasonably and rationally with each other still then you need to ask the question. Do you still Love me? Do you still want to be with me? Then base the rest on his response to these questions. If the answer is yes to both then you have a chance, if the answer is no then I'm sorry for you, but time will make it better.
How old are you and he and how long have you been married? How long did you know each other before the wedding?
2007-09-21 07:50:13 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what problems you both were having. Some times problems we face in a relationship can be so over whelming that one of the partners can decide to give up, lose hope of ever being able to fix things. Because your husband has already filed does not mean he never really loved you, it only means he has given up. It hurts to stay in a relationship where a person is not happy. The problems in the marriage have not only hurt you but it has hurt him also. The pain was just too much for him to take anymore. People who get married and expect their partner will remain no matter what, are wrong in this assumption. If problems begin to build a bridge between two people who were in love, pretty soon the fun in the relationship is over, the closeness is no longer, in its place is resentment and anger. Your husband by just be reacting to his disappointment and anger, and needs time to cool and decide if a divorce is something he really wants, especially once he sees how much alimony or child support he will have to pay. As painful as it is you must give him the freedom to pursue his will to divorce. Sometimes just by letting a person free makes them re-think if they ever really want to go after all. Try and talk your husband to attend counselling, if he is not willing then I am afraid there is nothing else you can do but to just let him go. Try not to hold on to false hope. I am so very sorry you are going through this and I know how painful it can be. I will have you in my prayers.
2007-09-21 08:14:16 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have my sympathies in this tough time in your life. Divorce is one of the top stressors in life, so you need to make sure that you are nurturing yourself. Treat yourself to something special, perhaps a movie, a pedicure, whatever relaxes you.
People have different needs. Without knowing your husband's background, I am really answering somewhat in the blind. Some cultures are very male dominated. Women have very few rights. Men are allowed certain rights of marriage, but women aren't.
Men and women are both people. We are neither more nor less, just different. However, such feelings and values can be overcome. If a person truly loves another, he or she is willing to make changes to accommodate the other.
You may feel that your husband doesn't love you right now, but the most important thing is that YOU love YOU. Take care of yourself, seek professional counseling, and maybe, in time, you can mend your marriage.
2007-09-21 07:42:11 · answer #4 · answered by Kayla 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek marriage counselling.. There might be deeper problems in your marriage and you might be seeing just the surface.. Take a humble spirit.. Accept your shortfalls and weak points.. Stop blaming the other for his fault or citing also his mistakes.. That won't help save your marriage..Since your husband has already filed for divorce, be quick with your actions if you want to save your marriage.. But if your husband no longer wants to keep it, be strong to let him go.. Sure it's tough down there but you'll get through the end of the tunnel..
2007-09-21 15:31:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe be IS being selfish. And you certainly have the right to feel the way you do. But the fact of life is that divorces happen. Right now, lamenting about the way it "shoulda" or "coulda been" is not going to solve your problems. Focus on what "is", and go from there. You are divorcing, it is tough, but you'll get through this; once the worst is over, you'll be able to start looking for a person to fall in love with. And you will find him. But right now, concentrate on getting yourself through it.
2007-09-21 07:36:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're certainly entitled to your feelings. But, unless he chooses to give it, you're not entitled to his love. Love is a day by day, moment by moment choice, which is earned day by day and moment by moment. Unfortunately, many people have been duped by the promise of "happy ever after" in marriage. That's a nice fairy tale. What IS true is that it's all part of Soul's journey in learning to love so we can better love God. There's a lesson for you in all of this. Take the lesson, remember the love, let go, and move on if that's what is necessary. All YOU can do is live your life as the most loving being possible. What would love do now?
2007-09-21 07:48:22 · answer #7 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go to Counseller; take help from Friends and Family. Stay calm. Do not argue at this time.AND PRAY.
2007-09-21 07:36:45 · answer #8 · answered by Amina L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe you should sit down and talk to him...if he is not in love with you anymore...then you just have to face the facts, and let him go...but if he is still in love with you, then you burn those divorce papers and you fight for your marriage
2007-09-21 07:33:04 · answer #9 · answered by Nakeshia C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.....its usually the wife that files for divorce..men tend to want to stick it out longer..........if HE filed, its over, and you can bring up "God" all you want to- but thats not going to change a damn thing. Sorry.
2007-09-21 07:35:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋