I am a single mother w/ 2 kids and have financially struggled to support my family. My boyfriend of 2 yrs & 3mos. does help me on a weekly basis and cares for me deeply. Likewise I feel the same. Communication has been a problem because he will not emotionally open up to me (he is a man of pride). We both go out on the weekends - separately. I just turned 30 and am ready to get married with my love. He tells me in the near future we will marry but will not confirm when? I am a hard worker and ready to move on and easily drop him if need be for the sake of my kids future and mine (he is wonderful around them). Please give me your advice. Do you think I am waisting my time? Or should I date behind his back. He is financially stable but most of all I would like to take care of him in the way a wife should. I'm so confused??
2007-09-21 05:19:56 · 26 answers · asked by Janie C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, you are way too confused. You need to make some life changing decisions. Cheating is a bad choice, always complete one relationship, before starting another.
If you are ready to settle down, and he is not, I would "MOVE ON".
2007-09-21 05:27:35 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you are not giving him an ultimatum but you need to know if he ever truly wants to get married. Some men who live with their girlfriends dont want to get married because "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" He may love you but may not want to marry because you already live together.
Also, you said you could "easily drop him" and "should I date behind his back." If you TRULY loved him you would never say or ask any of that. You already have two kids so why the rush to get married? Why are you in such a rush to marry someone who never opens up to you(that is a bad sign)??I could be wrong but It sounds to me as if you are only with him because you are used to it and feel a sense of stability.
Both you and him MUST decide what you both truuuuly want out of the relationship, especially for the sake of your children. Just try talking to him a little more...Sounds like he wants to take care of someone and so do you. It just might not be eachother that you both are meant to take care of. All the best to you all.
2007-09-21 05:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This kind of frustration is commonly felt in women. We feel that things should continue to progress toward something greater in a relationship while most men just like to go with the flow. My advice is that you seek relationship counseling to see if you two are even a good fit for marriage before trying to determine whether or not you should move on. Dating behind his back is just deceitful and if he were to find out, it could really make things difficult or even cause the relationship to terminate. Let him know that you are at a point where you want to settle down and see what he says. If he agrees to counseling, let him know that it is to see if the two of you are a good match or if you should both seek other relationships.
From my last two experiences, $150 for 3 sessions was well worth the cost because it stopped me from wasting time on relationships that would not have worked out anyway.
2007-09-21 05:27:13 · answer #3 · answered by Meg...Out of Hybernation 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave him over a communication issue when you have an otherwise sound relationship. He sounds like a good guy, just maybe a little scared of the commitment. Just try to sit him down and talk to him about what you really want from him, and want for him and the kids. I think you'd be doing yourself, your kids, and your boyfriend a service if you could work this out!
Talk to him! Tell him how serious you are about marriage! Tell him you want to be able to take care of him as his wife. You owe your feelings to him, at least. Certainly don't become a two-timing woman and date behind his back. He may need your loyalty and love more than you know.
2007-09-21 05:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you should date behind his back. That would not work out well. Just face it, he may never be ready for marriage. It sounds like he's just putting you off by telling you "someday" in the future. If that is the case, then why would you not get engaged and set the date "sometime in the future". He is not going to marry you. I think you should find someone new, but not behind his back.
2007-09-25 05:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the only thing wrong in your relationship; if your boyfriend is committed to you and your children, and is loving to you and your children: then you need to take a good, long look at yourself and assess why you feel such a strong need to marry right now. Would you rather dump him for a bum just because the bum is willing to marry you? Are you so desperate and insecure that you need the illusion of security that a piece of paper can bring you? Marriage is absolutely no guarantee of happiness, or even of permanence in a relationship.
If your man is good for you and to you(and your children, of course), then make a time when you can calmly and clearly discuss why you would like to be married. You might want to suggest a date to either be married or terminate the relationship. This is an ultimatum, but at least it clearly delineates where you and he stand. Tell him you feel strongly about your commitment to this relationship and you want to demonstrate that commitment by formal marriage. Then pick a date: for example, you could say, "If we are not married by the end of 2009; I can only assume that you aren't fully committed to me and to our life together...I will then have no choice but to leave you and to find someone else who will want to commit to me in the way that I need." Then, if the deadline passes with no marriage, you will have to be strong and carry out your ultimatum as he will have had more than enough time to marry you by then.
However, you really need to think this through: a good relationship is a good relationship with or without marriage. Marriage doesn't solve anything really. It only works if the relationship behind it is already good. And, marriage, all too often, brings out the worst in people. Think carefully. And do be patient.
I waited seven long, hard years to marry the love of my life. Quite simply, I outlasted her and her reluctance. She came to realize just how much she wanted to be with me. As soon as the idea of marriage came to be seen as "her idea," marriage became inevitable. Don't ruin a good thing by rushing it, no matter how insecure you feel.
2007-09-21 05:44:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
At 30 you are nearing your expiration date, you should feel fortunate that there is a guy willing to be with a woman who has some other guys kids( let alone likes them)
What is the big deal with you women and marriage, If he is a good guy stay with him, if he's not move on.
but if you are leaving because he is not marrying you "fast enough" then you are selfish and greedy.
The only difference between marriage and a committed relationship is that the woman gets child support, alimony and a large piece of the mans net worth when and if they divorce.
It seems to me ,that is what you are after, otherwise you'd be content with things as they are.
2007-09-21 05:32:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to sit down and evaluate things...
What do you prefer¨? What you have now: a nice man, a nice relationship and company...OR a marriage so you can feel you have the respectability of the "wife" title?
I guess you have to find out just HOW important being married is to you.( It sounds like you think that if he married you, you'd be 100% happy.)
Just remember- there are no guarantees.
........................
OOOPS.....I had not read the final part where you consider dating behind his back....SHEESH !
This is not acceptable and if you ever think about doing this then you don't love him as you say you do, and you should definitively not marry him.
2007-09-21 06:26:23 · answer #8 · answered by Nena S 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your boy friend appears as logical, responsible and careful. If you are happy and satisfied with him in all respect wait for the opportune moment because he may has some difficulties to marry you immediately. Be faithful and love him deeply without talking to him about marriage. Make him to feel that you are unique in everything and then he will not be able to think without you.
2007-09-21 05:35:57 · answer #9 · answered by DILIP 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U shud stay n see how things goes coz whats the guarantee ur new date will be a very commited person. If this guy loves u he will surely marry u. Plus if he is delaying maybe bcoz of the kids coz kidz r a big responsibility,
2007-09-21 05:35:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mr Myth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋