A dark little poem. What do you think?

Question

Called for Rusty running spaniel,
This dog never missed his dinner,
Nightfall came and I went looking,
Day break too, along the creek bed,

In the damp dark woods I found him,
Lying sleeping endless autumn,
With a tear for lost companion,
Covered him with leaves and twigs

Then I came again on Tuesday,
Stared at what he had become,
Hungry forest floor devoured,
Eyeless sunken fleshless mound,

Comes the snow, Missouri winter
Locked in stasis, frozen, finished,
I pray for spring to come and take him,
Release him from this purgatory,

Answer 1

Good poem. But why if you had such affection for him did you not bury him under the ground not under the leaves.

Answer 2

I loved each little thing till I have been given to the final line. each and all the faster lines have been very metaphorical and descriptive, and unexpectedly you visit a minimum of a few thing very rapidly-forward and direct. that could be a sprint jarring. have you ever seen phraseology the final line so as that it, too, is a metaphor? It needs to be a good one, yet i think of it may take care of the feel of the poem greater effective if it became into in conserving with the different lines.

Answer 3

For the most part, I found your work to be a refeshing change from the run-of-the-mill non-rhyming poetry found on YA. The rhythm to me had a slight bounce effect, and fit well into the flow f the words. I gave you a star for a well done job, and knowing how I am about non-rhyming poetry, you can be proud of that star.
It just proves that non-rhyming poetry doesn't have to be bad in order to work. It just has to be good.

Answer 4

I do like the subject matter. And I will say that it is better than what most people post here when they say "dark."

That said... I'm not crazy about the meter and rhythm of the poem. It seems hurried and the pace does not lend itself to the subject of the poem or its mood.

Answer 5

I feel like crying a little, now. Animals death/dying/pain sometimes touches me more than human suffering. That may sound heartless, but when people speak of animals suffering, it really goes to my heart.

This is a good poem, if the subject is somewhat upsetting.

Answer 6

Cool

Answer 7

Its a dark poem for sure. Nice

Answer 8

you have copied your topic from richard eberhardt's 'the groundhog' and your metre from 'hiawatha'.

this will do well with folk who don't know a poem from a cardboard box.