Okay so here goes. I am a 21 year old mom to two gorgeous boys. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. I have been with him since I was 17. Too make a long story short we have had a VERY rocky relationship. To the point where he works long days and long hours, I wanted him to spend some time with the kids but it seems like the more I ask of him the more he resists. So I had sent him som divorce papers off the internet I guess I was trying to show him I was serious about changing things. He got upset and went online and signed up on a website to meet women to have sex with? I understand yea I should have NOT showed him the divorce papers but does that give him the right to get online? I mean he has looked at porn MANY times and I have caught him. I see nothing wrong with porn but he ONLY does it when I'm not home?? I mean I would think something was up...I need some feedback on what you would say to him or what to do??? Thank You
2007-09-21 05:14:21 · 24 answers · asked by Chrissy S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let's put on our thinking caps here. You serve him with divorce papers and figures your serious. It was wrong of him to jump on the bangbus. However, it shows you are quite the immature one doing something stupid like that.
Porn is just NOT CHEATING. Those women don't jump of the page or DVD and start having sex with him.
What do you say to him? Did you sign the papers yet? Instead of the trying to work this out like an adult, I chose to act like a child.
2007-09-21 05:18:40 · answer #1 · answered by ranch_tester 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Wow, This is one that I would love to hear the other side of this. Personally, I would first find out weather or not he loves you, and then react from that. If there is no love, there is no point. I also urge you to try to get some sort of separation before you do anything rash. Remember you have kids. Young ones, it is not easy being a single mom, or for that matter a divorcee. You have very turbulent time ahead if this continues it's path.
Go and find out what he needs, and you tell him what you need. You already know , or should know. The porn, is a way of distancing himself from you, I guess you have to find out what got you two apart. This kind of situation is common for people that marry young.
I guess he misses his Independence, and free time, and that is why he is away so much. Some of us work late and work long hours because we have no choice, I work 12hrs a day, and to tell you the truth my wife hates it, but so do I.
As far as getting a date, that is so wrong, it's not funny. I don't care what you did, as long as it was not cheating, he is very pathetic going on line to get a date. (and who knows what else he can get too). Wait either to get separated by mutual accord, or divorced. You are still his wife.
That is very serious, shows immaturity, and selfishness. Sex is not the marriage.
Good luck
2007-09-21 05:39:36 · answer #2 · answered by Jaime L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to be the best person and best wife I could be. If he does work such long hours, try to do something nice for him each day. If you are a stay at home mom, try to keep the house as clean as you can. (I know it's gotta be hard with two BOYS! But even little things help.) When he comes home from work, sit down with him for a few moments and ask him how his day was. If he doesn't want to talk about his, start telling him about your day. Smile alot, kiss him alot, tell him you love him alot. The better you make his experience at home the more time he'll want to spend at home.
Of course this would be in a normal situation. If he has other problems that he has to work through, it might take a little more. But it sounds like you guys just need to reconnect a little, and you can take the first steps to that by not bluffing around with divorce and just being as nice as you can.
It worked with mine. ^_^
2007-09-21 05:32:27 · answer #3 · answered by Missy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fixing your marriage is a good option. I believe all marriages can be saved, as long as both people are willing to make the effort. Start with communication and counseling. If he is willing to make changes, and you are willing to make changes, you can have a successful and fulfilling marriage. It takes time and lots of work, but is always worth it in the end if you stick it out. You will always be connected to him regardless, because you have children with him. Think outside of yourself, and think of the long term effects on you and your boys. It's more than just staying together for the kids. It's setting a good example for them so that when they are grown up, they will know how to act in a relationship. Start now, get to work, and your marriage will turn in time. Best of luck and God bless.
2007-09-21 05:22:43 · answer #4 · answered by notarycat 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow this is really sad.
It's insanely immature of you to have tried to bluff like that, and even more immature that you're now trying to say what you did wasn't as bad as what he's doing.
You have two small children! Get your act together... sure, maybe your husband's acting like a jerk, but that doesn't give you the right to act like one, too. All that does is leave two small kids with TWO rude parents instead of one.
If you try and make this a war, your kids are going to be the casualties.
Grow up and talk to each other like civilized adults and stop playing these stupid revenge games.
2007-09-21 05:22:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Turn about is fair play...you might start by apologizing to him for sending the divorce papers. Then decide never to do that again unless it's for real. You might try marriage counseling. Sit your husband down and tell him how you feel...refrain from accusing him...if he doesn't want to go, you go by yourself and don't nag him about going. Share with him what you are learning. Don't judge him, which is what you are doing. You are both at fault....own your part. You have two beautiful sons to think about. This behavior hurt them and puts them at a disadvantage with relationships and life in general. If you two won't do it for your marriage....do it for them.
2007-09-21 05:25:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you went overboard with the divorce paper and his reply was overboard as well. Don't forget he's working long hours to offer you and your children a good life. Let him rest when he comes home and don't nag at him so often, kids will be alright with spending time with their dad on weekends. My dad worked till 10 pm every day of the week we didn't get to see him but he gave us time on weekend and we all turned out good happy people. Don't sweat the small stuff, all men watch porn, it's not a crime, let go of all those little insignificant things and you'll be happier.
2007-09-21 05:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are being very childish and immature. If there's a problem in your marriage, you need to just discuss it like adults who have children in common. These brash tactics you and your husband are pulling are ridiculous. But then again, you're both 21. Explain this to your husband. Ask him to please grow up and man up for about 5 minutes. Getting online to meet sex partners is dangerous for many reasons, not to mention really, really stupid! But he did this in rebuttal to your divorce papers stunt. Don't give divorce papers unless you want to be divorced! Not just when you want to make a point. Maybe I'm being too honest, but the two of you need to grow up and communicate like adults and act accordingly. When adults act like children, it's the children who end up getting the short end of the stick. As for the porno, let him have his porno but tell him to get off the websites or you actually will divorce him.
2007-09-21 05:28:27 · answer #8 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might as well go through with the divorce now. If it's been as rocky as you say, and you've only been married a year, that's not a good sign. You have issues with him looking at porn, and now he's going to have sex with other women? Geez honey, stick a fork in this marriage; it's done!
2007-09-25 05:14:28 · answer #9 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both just react instead of taking the time to talk and try to see things from the other's perspective.
I would try some marriage counseling and see if you have a relationship worth salvaging. It will be a long and painful road for the both of you.
Good luck.
2007-09-21 05:21:56 · answer #10 · answered by kickass 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the way i see it is... if you're willing to throw divorce papers in his face then what he does after that shouldn't concern you. you want a divorce hes willing to find someone else as are you. deal with it. you screwed up more than he did. I don't blame him for anything, if i got that from my husband i'd go out and start looking for someone else to just have as a type of company. its natural. as for fixing it...i doubt that will happen. he will always hold that against you and you will always hold the internet thing against him.
seems like a very immature relationship. talking is the ONLY way to fix things.....is he the only one supporting the family?? did he even want children?? did he even want to marry you?? seems like he did it for the kids in a lot of ways
sry hun but you screwed up
2007-09-21 05:32:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋