I was just wondering why guys choose to masterbate versus being intimate with their wife? I had my second child 10 weeks ago by c-section so we are way past the "okay to begin having sex again" stage. But latelty when I suggest having sex my husband gives me an excuse like he is either too tired or he isn't feeling well. I know that I have gained some weight but nothing drastic. I only gained a total of 26 lbs during my pregnancy. So it's not like I'm a fat unnattractive heffer. However, my husband came home from p.t.this morning and before I made it down stairs he was already in the bathroom. I assummed that he was taking a casual crap until he went back to work and I had to rotate laundry and I stepped in something wet and gooey. Well I looked on our bathroom rug and it had *** on it. . Wouldn't it have been just as easy to come upstairs and fooled around with me? What can I do from a guys stand point to "heat up" things in the bed? What could be the cause of him "rejecting" me?????
2007-09-21 04:27:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He might not feel comfortable with initiating sex right now, so, to relieve some stress, he takes care of it himself.
If you want this to stop, chase after him. Tell him you want him at the most unexpected time. Take him to the bedroom when he gets home from PT.
It's important for everyone, men and women alike, to feel wanted and sexy. Stroke his ego once in a while, verbalize your thoughts about sex, don't be shy. Let this man know he's wanted and desired.
2007-09-21 04:35:35 · answer #1 · answered by wentfishing2 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Well, I'm glad you asked this question....I'm dealing with pretty much the same situation....Our Second son is 11 weeks old. I have been VERY confused lately with the whole sexual issue because I thought I was looking pretty good. I only gained 10 lbs with this pregnancy and have lost 42 lbs since the little one arrived. I've been feeling pretty good about myself and therefore wanting to be intimate more...for the past month my husband has basically ignored any sexual advance that I have made toward him, which is very odd, because before having Avery, I couldn't keep him off of me.
I have tried throwing myself at him, Asking him about it..even throwing a fit when I found a Porn tape under the bed last week (which we both agreed at the beginning would never be allowed in our home). My husband will talk about sex to me all day long...but when we both get home and it's time to get down to it, he ignores me. I really hope things smooth out for you...and, glad to know I'm not the only one going through this.
Good Luck.
2007-09-21 05:20:40 · answer #2 · answered by amanda m 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have seen a few questions like these and I am also shocked to see that am like this as well. Based on this, I can say that he doesn't hate you or doesn't feel that you are unattractive anymore etc etc. The only thing I feel this happens is that he has been quite a while without sex and watching all the way and being patient when the kid was born. I think his mind is just still under the 'prepared' state to prolong without sex not realising the fact that the 'wait is over'.
2007-09-21 04:38:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Not much information. You did not say if you had great sex life or a so so. So all I say is you really do not understand a mans needs. Like most woman. Women think what is between there legs is all a man needs and whats. A lot of you just do not really care how to take care of your man. (Same goes for men in servicing there women.)Some times a man needs to take care of him self. Haven't you helped your self out? He knows how to handle and squeeze just right and his mind goes to different places. I do not know how far you go into your sexual relation ship. But there is more than most woman or what to do. I my self like to be given a good hand work done one s self or buy my lady. It is some times better than any thing. Well I Hope you under stand this is just something a man dose to make him self feel better. Talk to him about it ask him if you can help out with it nbext time.
2007-09-21 05:12:19 · answer #4 · answered by tadm 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Did he see you give birth? If so that may be the issue. We guy are very sight oriented so when we see something dramatic like giving birth we tend to think of you as a mother figure. It may feel a little weired about sex with a mother figure(I know we're weired)
It will get better just remind him you are more than a mother your his sexy, exciting, beautiful, wife who has sexual needs!
Send the kids to a sitter and when he comes home be in the kitchen wearing an apron and .......nothing else then tackle him.
2007-09-21 04:54:46 · answer #5 · answered by Joe S 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
As you have a new baby in the house, your husband may be stuck in the rut of looking at you as a mother. Quite simply, when women take on the role of motherhood(or in your case, revisit it additional times), many men find it hard to get past that concept. You need to put on your game face, find yourself a really hot dress, and then either take him out to dinner or cook something tasty at home, preferrably with candles, wine, cannabis if it's legal where you live, and/or the kind of music that puts you two in the mood. Remind him in no uncertain terms that, though you're a mother to his children, you are always a desirable, passionate woman who needs his attentions NOW.
2007-09-21 04:43:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
It could be a number of things, including a fear of another pregnancy, hurting you or irritating your incision site, or taking away from your daily routine. Are you breast feeding? Some men find this to be a turnoff (even if they didn't with their first child). Was your first birth taxing or complicated or did it cause a lot of strife?
It could be ANYTHING.
The thing you need to do before this gets completely out of control is talk to HIM...not us. HE is the one with the answers. Tell him you know perfectly well that he masturbated when he came home from PT...why would he prefer that to sex....
2007-09-21 04:37:37 · answer #7 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
OK, so he masturbated. Jump his bones anyway. If he wanted it he'd jump you, right? From a male perspective, that would be ok. Take control of the situation.
If you want something, start by giving that something, then the something will be reciprocated.
Take the upper hand. You can be the initiator
2007-09-21 06:08:22 · answer #8 · answered by PFS rep 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If this was your first c-section, and he was in the operating room with you, that is a traumatic thing to see. And then the pain you go threw after, he more then likely doesn't want to hurt you, or see you go threw that again. My husband was like that after my first c-section, he was afraid he would hurt me for months after. With time he got over it.
If he wont initiate things, then you need too. And you really should talk to him and reassure him that you are ok.
2007-09-21 04:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by cris 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You have to realize that guys still want to masturbate once in awhile. Sometimes we dont want to go through all the trouble of fooling around when we can just do a real quick one.
For me, i have to have both. I really dont know why women get so upset about it. Men really need time to themselves once in awhile. Women like alot of things during sex and stuff that men really dont want to do all the time. We just want to go at it, get off, and do something else.
2007-09-21 04:38:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mike G 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋