I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. I am 31, he will be 33 in couple of weeks. We have been talking about marriage for what seems like forever now, he being the one who first brought up the subject. We talked about everything, where it would be, what we wanted, where we would live afterwards, how many kids we wanted and what their names would be. We even talked about a timeline. We both agreed that we want to start having kids by the time I am 35 and we want to be married for 2 years before we start having kids. He wants a Catholic wedding, they take a little longer to plan. Most you can't pick a date earlier than 6 months. I want a year to plan. We went to 2 different places to look at rings and picked one out, but now he says he's not ready. He says someday he'll be ready. I will be 32 in 5 months and I am READY! I've told him I won't wait forever, but I have no idea what to do now. He thinks I should just wait indefinitely. I feel misguided. What do I do?
2007-09-21 04:04:32 · 8 answers · asked by ebert_mn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Someone commented on 'rules'. I did not say any rules. WE agreed on things. As for an ultimatum, I have not given one. I am trying to keep the relationship normal, but this is something I think about everyday. He thinks everything is fine and normal. I feel a bit betrayed. He picked dates and times, not me. He told me we would get married in Sept. 2008 and now he cannot pull the trigger. I feel like I've been led up to a door and told nope, can't go inside yet, wait out here.
2007-09-21 04:29:16 · update #1
Thanks for all your help. I think my biggest issue is really that whenever I try to talk about it, he doesn't want to. It's always, "Do we have to talk about this now?" or "Can't we just have a nice weekend without talking about it?" We need to talk about it and I need answers because I am not understanding him right now. Last weekend, in a rare talk about it, I said, If I asked you to marry me right now what would you say? He said he's say yes. So I don't understand what is holding him up?
2007-09-21 05:16:03 · update #2
You only have two choices. Stay or leave. That's it. The hard part is making the choice. If you truly love him talk with him about how you feel and ask why he isn't ready, now. What has changed his mind? Tell him how much you love him and that you are willing to wait, but ask if his reluctance is actually his unwillingness to ever completely commit to you. You both have rights here. He has a right to be scared and not be ready, but you have a right not to waste your time or heart on someone who won't marry you.
Give it some time, talk through things, and see what happens. Planning a wedding doesn't take a year to do and take it from me....the wedding is the last thing you should be worried about when getting married. What matters is how much you love that person and how they feel about you. Everything will fall into place if you really love each other. What matters is the life you share after the wedding. Good luck!!!
2007-09-21 04:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by Gretta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Some day" may not come. If you've waited this long, have all the plans except a wedding date and a ring, and he's not ready it may be time to re-think the relationship! Neither one of you is a spring chicken. I would tell him exactly how I feel. You want to get married. I doubt if he ever will. Therefore, you need to tell him that you are ready and since he's not, you are going to move on. Tell him that if he ever gets ready to marry you, he can let you know. Until then, he is not to contact you in any way. And if the day comes when he's ready, IF you're still free and IF you're still interested in him, you can talk about it. Until then, GOOD-BYE!
2007-09-21 04:19:18 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears you were both "ready" as there seems to be quite a bit of discussion about it. He seems to be having second thoughts. I wouldnt force him because you will only regret it in the end. I would start distancing yourself in certain areas of your lives together. I would spend some time apart and with friends. Give him the space he needs to make a clear informed decision. But most importantly stop talking about it and refuse to take part in any more "planning".
2007-09-21 04:16:58 · answer #3 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
finding on a protracted time, profession/college targets, process existence, etc, will impression the right length of time for a theory. once you're waiting and he's no longer, attempt suggesting shifting in mutually first, in case you're gentle with that. additionally talk to him and spot what his questioning is. perhaps he has some thing he needs to end in his existence (ending up his masters, beginning a corporation, etc.) in the past he would be waiting. as quickly as you realize what it is you could choose in case you pick to attend and help him accomplish his purpose or seem someplace else. in spite of you do, by no skill supply an ultimatum. it is going to basically backfire. If he would not chosen to depart you will continuously contemplate whether he proposed because of the fact he had to or because of the fact you compelled him to!!!!
2016-10-09 14:29:16 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant wait forever, I would give him until after the holidays and have a good talk with him. If he still isnt ready maybe you need to find somebody who is.
2007-09-21 04:11:04 · answer #5 · answered by reydi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All those 'rules' sounds like a prison sentence to me - not surprised you haven't had the proposal yet. Stop making ultimatums and let things take their course.
2007-09-21 04:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by CountTheDays 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
how is your relationship other wise if it is good between you then I would wait why do you need to be married ...
2007-09-21 04:12:53 · answer #7 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop having sex with him. Why would he want to marry you if he is getting "free" service.
2007-09-21 04:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by Celebrate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋