O'k, here is ugly situation....?

Question

This is my sister's situation:
She lost her job 2 years ago. Got married 3 months ago with man who she loved very much and who seems loved her.
He has a very good job, not rich, not poore and his family has money.
Now he is drank every evening after work, his constant explanation of that that she doesn't have a job. She is trying to get job now, but it takes time. She is angry and upset with him all the time. Which as he is saying, makes him more unhappy and more drank...
The truth is that he didn't change a bit. He was drinking like that almost all his life. She just didn't want to see or believe in it. Now she can't stand him when he is drank, but still love him very much.
He swears that it will change when she got a job.
But for right now he is drinking and waching porn, she can't get a job and getting more and more depressed.
No children.

Do you think is there any posibility for change?

Sorry for mistakes.

Answer 1

sounds like there isn't a problem at all! tell her to stop moaning and spend more time in bed with him (doing more interesting things) then he will not use porn quite so much

Answer 2

Change will only come about if (A) He acknowledges his drinking problem and gets in a program (B) Your sister stops enabling him.

She saw what she wanted to see when she chose him and now grim reality has set in and she realizes her dream come true is nothing more than a porn addicted alcoholic that wants to blame her for all his woes. And no, her getting a job will not make him stop drinking.

I'm wondering why if she lost her job 2 years ago and only married this guy 3 months ago, why is her unemployment all of a sudden such an issue with him?

Answer 3

He's an alcoholic. He's using her not working as an excuse to drink. Nothing will change. Even after she gets a job he will find another excuse to drink. Your sister has to decide if this how she wants to live her life like that or not. She needs to get a job because let's be honest. I find it hard to believe she hasn't found work in 2 years. I was married to an alcoholic for 11 years and thought I could change him. I couldn't. His love of the bottle was greater than his love for me or his children. She needs to ask herself if she can deal with his drinking everyday and if not then she needs to get out.

Answer 4

I'm confused why YOU are asking not HER.

I'm also confused why she hasn't worked for two years now.

She married a man who drank (a lot) and now she is unemployed - for 2 years - and she is getting depressed? Again, - I'm confused. What has changed here? He is the same man she married and she has simply become unemployed.

She needs to get off her but and get a job - ANY job. Yes she can. No one who really wants to work will be unemployed for two years.

She needs to stop making excuses and do something about her life. It's a mess.

Answer 5

Virtually zero. He is an alcoholic and her getting a job will not change that. He will just have more of an excuse to continue drinking and leave the support up to her. If he isn't willing to change, and prove that by going to AA then she should carefully think about whether she wants to spend the rest of her life taking care of a drunk.

Answer 6

I don't think there is anything wrong with the porn thing, but as far as the drinking that is a big problem and I don't think it as anything to do with weather she works or not.

He just wants to see how long she will put up with his sh** before she tells him were to go and how to get there.

It sounds like he needs to go to AA and grow up too.

I they don't have any children together then it may be best they keep it that way because he doesn't sound to responsible, and alcoholics make awful parents

Answer 7

People who knowingly marry a drunk deserve what they get. Drinking AND watching porn? The guy is a loser. So is your sister. How can you not find SOME kind of job for three years? Stay out of it--it's chaos. Stay away from chaos.


Kent in SD

Answer 8

There is no possibility for change here.

If he wanted to stop drinking he would have to do it for himself. He would have to sign himself up in a program for alcoholics. The excuse that his wife does not have a job and therefore he drinks, does not make sense. It is purely an excuse and a way to blame her for his drinking problem.

Whether she finds a job or not he will not stop getting drunk.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 9

He has a drinking problem, and is blaming her for it... she is feeling guilty for not having a job so she is just DEALING with it until she can afford to leave although she might leave before then. I think he needs to go to AA. so does she, so she doesn't fall into another relationship like this one should it not work out. Frankly, you canl ove someone with or without drinking problems. You just shouldn't "encouragwe it" because you dont have a job. He shouldn't use her not having a job, to justify his drinking. He'll just find another reason to justify his drinking. Drinking is a problem. tell he to get help for him and her!

Answer 10

If she can't get him to go face his drinking problem then, the marriage won't stand a chance.
If she doesn't get a job, then she's stuck.
And the marriage won't stand a chance either.
So, both of them needs to get a move on to sort their lives out and it's a good thing that there's no children involved now, she'd better not have any until they are stable!

Answer 11

Your sister and her husband sound very immature and manipulative. He drinks because he is most likely an alcoholic, she does not work because she is lazy. Tell your sister to stop making excuses and to get a job, any job. At least she will have the financial resources to live on when her marriage fails, and it will.