Husband has fits for no Reason! I am at the end of my rope.. Please Help!?

Question

I just don't know what to do anymore. My husband was so great at the beginning of our marriage and now he is pissed off at the world constantly. I try to talk to him but he just wants no confrontation of any problems and will just walk off or leave. This is just not with me.. it's people at his work too but I get the worst of it. I have tried praying, I have talked to counselors, we have gone to marriage counseling... nothing seems to work in the long run... I have come to the end of my rope.. This is what happened last night.. I made a nice Supper.. I told him that he needed to chew his food more slowly because he was chewing so fast (I said it in a Very nice way) he threw the plate on the floor, spit the food out and stormed out..This is just an example.. he is constantly throwing these kinds of tantrums.... What is wrong with him? What should I do? Any Advice would be Greatly Appreciated!!!!

He is diabetic and was told he needed to chew SLOWLY becuase he eats sooooo FAST and consumes too much food that way.. so I am not being a Nag and I am just concerned about his gluclose levels.. no more nag comments PLEASE!

Answer 1

Why do you tell him how to chew? That's a little petty on your part. Do you always nit-pick like that?

Maybe he needs to be on some anxiety meds. Has he gone to a doctor? Something could be medically wrong with him.

Answer 2

When people change in this way, it most often has to do with a number of factors that has built up over time to create a condition of internal conflict, frustration, perhaps even self-doubt. You have provided a good example of his behavior, but it doesn't provide insight into a cause. Various factors like financial matters, work related stress, emotional needs that are unmet or even unacknowledged, a feeling of loss of self within a relationship, and even other things, can leave a man feeling that he no longer has a handle on his own life anymore. A man who is constantly questioned, called on his dicisions and directed from the outside can fall into the thought that he, apparently, cannot do ANYTHING right.

Obviously you meant to express only your love and concern for him by advising him to chew his food. From the male perspective, however, you tell a child how to eat, not a grown man. (Eating in the fashion you described implies that he is under some pressure. Your well intended thought just added a little more on to what should have been the least stressful event of the day.)

Marriage is among the biggest challenges a person can undertake. Communication is an important element, and we all want it in our relationships. As important as what you say can also be HOW you say it. People can express themselves and their love in very different ways. In the beginning it can all sound like the same language to each other, but over time differences in meaning and interpretation cause problems. You can't expect that the other knows exactly what you mean every time. Clarification is important to define reasons and motivations. It can be as simple as the one word that is chosen over another. Think about that.

I hope that helped.

Answer 3

There are a few things that beg to be addressed right about now: It isn't true that your husband has "fits for no reason", it's just that you may not know what those reasons are. (I'll come back to that point in a moment). And, there's no "nice" way for anyone but my mother to tell me I need to chew my food more slowly, and I would safely assume that your husband, being an adult, would likely feel the same way. (You treated him like a child, then he turned around and had a tantrum like a child...this would be funny if these weren't your actual life-experiences.) My original point ties in here: What you said, you said out of love and concern, but an adult is going to respond viscerally to being diminished by another adult no matter how well-meaning that comment was. And, in truth he does tend to behave like a child (based on your descriptions here), but it could be that you two are caught in a self-perpetuating cycle of this type of behavior, and that energy is feeding off of itself. Try to improve your communication skills with each other, that way you won't have to wonder what's going on in his head, he'll tell you (and vice versa). If you need help doing this (maybe because you subconsciously push each others buttons too much to "hear" each other, try seeking counselling to coach you both towards more effective communication). Good luck in this effort.

Answer 4

Your husband is out of control. If he keeps going the way he is, it won't be long before he starts hitting you. His anger is not your fault, but I am a bit puzzled as to why you told him how to chew his food. He's a big boy, he doesn't need to be told how to eat. When you do stuff like that, you put yourself in the line of fire. You should get some counseling for yourself. Not for your marriage, not for him, but for the only thing you have any control over---you. Counseling only works when you are ready to do something different, and if you are willing to follow your counselors advice. The fact that it has been unsuccessful for your husband says a lot about him.

Answer 5

Well, first of all, if he's a grown man, then he doesn't need YOU to tell him how fast or slow to chew his food. It would piss me off too if someone told me how to eat my food like I was a 6 year old. By your description as "fits" and "tantrums" it sounds like YOU are having some issues here too. Your husband is not a child. You need to realize that.

He may have issues with anxiety or depression or something else. You need to not belittle your husband in choosing terms like that. Your husband should go see a doctor for thorough evaluation. He may need to be given some medication of special therapy to deal with whatever issues he is having and you need to be supportive and not nit-pick at him about how he chews his food and such.

I'm sorry to be blunt about this, but your husband may have a real problem and your behavior is not helping the situation right now.

Answer 6

He certainly over reacted that's for sure. It sounds like he's very frustrated.

In his defense.....what's up with the chewing thing? For crying out loud, it's pretty nit picky to me. Maybe that's the reason for his tantrums. If you say something about the way he chews, then you're probably doing more than that and don't realize it. Does it matter one bit HOW he chews his food? And saying something about it, even in a nice sweet way, is still a controlling action.

Try this.... sit yourself down for a while, and think about what it is that YOU're doing to accentuate his stress. You may not be able to adjust the way he reacts, but, you can certainly adjust the way you deal with him. The result may just be an end to the tantrums.

I could see myself reacting the same way over the same issue if I felt constantly pressured or had to suffer comments about things as stupid as the way I chewed. Back off the guy.

Answer 7

Tell him to c a doctor and a counselor, or ur gone. He may b bipolar, or have some severe anxiety or stress issues that need to be dealt with. If he doesn't, then make good on ur word and leave. What kind of a life is this for u? No one should b put through that... And next time- pick ur battles... let the man eat as fast as he wants, b/c he will just view this as nagging no matter how nice/delicately u put it.

Answer 8

Give the man a break, does it really matter how fast he chewed his food. he is already agitated so things that arent a huge concern you need to leave alone.

Obviously he isnt happy with some aspect of his life, and not to be a b*tch but nagging isnt going to help...

Take a step back and think if that was you in his frame of mind, and someone had a go at you for chewing to fast, how would you react??

Answer 9

It sounds like he is ultra stressed out.

My guess is he feels he is in it (whatever you want "it" to be - life, bills, work, responsibilities, children, tasks, all of the above) all alone and gets no help from anyone. He thinks he is losing the battle.

If you want to stay married -
Before counseling, be a better friend. Help him with things. Don't criticize him. Try to work with him. Praise him for the good things he does. Remind him how proud you are of him and how much you love him. Let him know you can work through it all - together. Do something like camping to escape.

Life can be stressful - some handle it better than others. You have the power to reign him in - and probably no one else does. Bring him back!

Answer 10

I'm sure your husband is suffering from a psychological problem. It's really a very difficult situation for you since he does not want even to communicate. Try to let him cool off in the meantime. Do not nag him or do not tell him what or what not to do. Just let him do his stuff and try to be understanding of his moods. By being kind to him might change his attitude. Give him some space. Maybe that's what he needs at the moment.

Answer 11

If you have tried counseling, I dont know what to do. There is something going on---maybe he feels that everyone is micromanaging every move he makes---he better get a hold on this before he loses his job and marriage. Do you have a friend (or lay it on the line with a counselor)---who can look him in the face and tell him what he is doing and this behavior is going to ruin his life? He needs to get a grip on dealing with the world before it destroys everything he has.

Also, are you sure he does not have mental illness or medical problem. Just trying to help with whatever could be wrong. God bless.