I have been separated for 2 months from my husband. We have 2 young kids together. I became pregnant and had our baby in May. I admit I was not as careful taking pills even after my husband voiced he did not want another child now. Well, he was VERY cold and uniterested during my pregnancy and when she came, he was very distant to her, didnt hold her etc. Six weeks went by and he held her twice. He just said he didnt feel it was his fault b/c he wasent ready emotionally or financially for a child. We had our family problems too. So I left when she was 6 weeks b/c I felt he wasent treating her like he should have. Well, 2 months has gone by and he is JUST coming around some- asking about her, has held her, talks to her. I want to work things out and try b/c I want to for my kids. I also still love him. My parents say I should never go back and forgive him for what hes done. What do you think?
2007-09-21 02:43:07 · 46 answers · asked by Rebecca H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think you should try to work it out it is very important for your children to have their daddy in their life and you still love him so i think it will work out.
2007-09-21 02:49:47 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Blessed 3 times ♥ 6 · 5⤊ 5⤋
I'm not saying that what he has done is right (it's not) but in all honesty, what did you expect?! You knew your husband was not ready for another child.. yet you didn't even bother to take your birth control all the time. That is YOUR fault. I'm sorry, but if it's too hard for you to remember to take a pill.. then you should have gotten on the shot. Don't get me wrong, I think he has acted downright crappy about your daughter.. but also, I think you knew good and well what you were doing when you were skipping pills, or whatever it is you did.
I think it's great that he's coming around now, and warming to his daughter. That's the way it should have been from the beginning.. You can't change the past, but you can certainly decide how things will be now. If he is truly wanting to be there for both of you, let him.
Don't let your family bully you into staying seperated from him. It's not right, and it's not fair to anyone. Also, are they aware of HOW the baby came about?? Do they know that you made the choice to have another child, after he told you he did not want another yet?? You may not have set out to have one, but in reality.. that's what you've done. No, children are never mistakes.. but what you did wasn't very fair to your husband.
I think you should go back home, and work on bringing your family back together. That's what's important.. not what others think.
Remember, next time.. birth control only works if you take it correctly.
2007-09-21 03:20:36 · answer #2 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The ultimate decision is up to you, not your parents, friends, family or God knows who else. your marriage needs a lot of work, your husband voiced his concerns about being ready for a second child, and yet you had one, so basically it's just an endless stress, emotional and financial. If you love him and you think this might work out, then you can give it a try and do your best to become a family. Many married couples have been through worse. It can work out. Also, your husband seems to come to terms with his growing family and the extended demands this will bring into both your lives. It's best not to walk away and start talking about divorce, since you have to think about the future of you and your kids. Are you ready to be a single mother of two, emotionally and financially?
Do give your marriage another try, Don't give up on this just yet. And tell your parents that they need to be supportive and positive about any and all decisions that you make with regards to your future, without judgement.
Good luck.
2007-09-21 02:55:27 · answer #3 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, you should have never left for that reason. He was completely honest and truthful when he said he wasn't ready for a child.
6 weeks isn't enough time for him to adjust to the situation really. Marriage takes work and allot of it. His reaction to your daughters birth should have been expected. To hope someone does a 180 out of the blue is a little bit of a pipe dream. He needed time to adjust and the simple fact is, you didn't give him that time.
Now, 2 months later, he's beginning to come around, just like anyone else would given the situation.
You need to sit down with this guy and really talk things through. While it takes 2 to make a baby, you yourself admitted you weren't careful about taking the birth control pills. He might be feeling trapped and angry with you for not being more cautious and putting him in what he may feel is a bad situation. A child is a life long commitment, and like it or not, your carelessness forced him into a commitment he wasn't ready to make.
As far as the family problems are concerned, well....we all have them. Marriages that are successful have them as well, the difference is that someone in a successful marriage doesn't cut and run when there's a problem, they stay and work through it at all costs.
I'm sorry to say this but, you need to grow up and learn to be a partner in this relationship. Running back to your parents is no way to solve a problem that you yourself helped create. It's time to be responsible. Accept your part of the responsibility in this matter, admit it to him, apologize for helping put him in this position, promise to be more responsible in the future, tell him you love him, and go work on your family with this man.
2007-09-21 03:05:29 · answer #4 · answered by wentfishing2 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
YOU should be asking for HIS forgiveness. I think the blame is all on you. You knew how he felt about having more children but yet you put your marriage in jeopardy by going behind your husbands back and having another child. And YOU left him. Why? Because he was acting distant toward you new baby? I can somewhat understand why he was distant. Because YOU betrayed your husband! He can no longer trust you!! So now he has some resentment toward you. I think the fact that he is coming around now shows that he still loves you and wants to reconcile things and make them work. I don't think you should run straight to the nearest divorce lawyer but sign up for marriage counseling instead. You two need to talk this out and get your feelings and trust issues smoothed over. Good luck.
2007-09-21 03:09:56 · answer #5 · answered by sugar sweet 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is very easy for everyone to tell you to stay angry and not forgive him. We are not the ones raising children alone. Although what your husband did was heart breaking I could understand his reaction as he somewhat felt shell shocked as he did not plan financially or emotionally for this child. If your husband is truly sincere and wants to work things out I would. Although your parents mean well. This is your life and ultimately you are going to have to make the decision. Don't look back 8 years from now and say what if I gave him another chance.
2007-09-21 03:27:19 · answer #6 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your both at fault. You admit to not taking your pills correctly, makes me think you did it on purpose. He was immature how he has dealt with the new baby. He was probably very upset at the time but sounds like he is starting to come around. Does HE want to work things out? Don't just do it for the kids. I hate when people say that. If one person in the relationship is unhappy and stays "for the kids" it is not good for the kids. Kids can sense when things are not right. Do whats best for YOU.
2007-09-21 03:07:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should tell your parents to keep their opinions to themselves. Very wrong of them to tell you to never go back & never forgive him. You stated you weren't careful about taking your pills, what did you think was going to happen? Your husband stated he didn't want another child. You should've been more careful about taking your pills & he should've worn a condom. Now, you've brought this child into the world that you are both responsible for. If you still love him, try to work it out. If you don't love him, don't keep him from his children & don't get in the way of him being a father.
2007-09-21 03:19:40 · answer #8 · answered by PrincessJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to make a baby. If he didn't want anymore children he should have been acting a little more responsible as well. I think its important for kids to have both parents. ONLY if its NOT an abusive relationship. Kids need to grow up feeling love not anger. If you and the hubby can make your marriage work then its worth you trying. I would advise seeking counseling so that you can work through his anger and perhaps his feelings of betrayal.
Good luck! I hope it all works out for you.
2007-09-21 03:42:14 · answer #9 · answered by sweetie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he is very scared and he was honest with you when he said that he was not ready for more responsibility. As a mother you will have a much greater bond with your children but he has obviously felt the child to be a burden and has kept his distance. I wouldn't hold it against him forever, he is trying to man up now and be more responsible so that is a good thing. I would try to work things out since you do still love him and the children do need a father. Good luck with your decision.
2007-09-21 02:55:06 · answer #10 · answered by Teresa S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Forgiveness is something that shouldnt be treated as a favor. I feel he had a right to feel how he felt due to the fact he expressed he was not ready for another child, but his actions were not that of a loving and supportive husband. But at least he is coming around, most men do not. Work it out with him, its not grounds for divorce. I do think he should at least apologize to you though. Congrats and good luck. I had a hard time with the pills as well, I didnt want to, but I switched to the shot.
2007-09-21 02:54:11 · answer #11 · answered by teri is ambience 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋