Why do men find reason to blame women when it comes to sex?

Question

Every night I sit my son down on the couch and let him fall asleep, with my husband constantly repeating "try to come to bed earlier" well you know what that means "sex". Well, last night he told me this, but was severly gassy and to me that's gross right? I would never ask him to have sex with me if I'm gassy so I told him honey, your gassy that's kind of gross. Well, this morning he kept saying things like "I just don't know what I have done, I'm worried about you" and I'm like oh here we go again, what did I do?" Well, you didn't come to be early, and I'm afraid you are not attracted to me anymore" blah blah. I tried to explain to him that I don't want sex every night, and I get fussed at if I just roll over. What in the hell is his problem? Don't men realize that sometimes women get tired from working and raising children and even our husbands when they are being like hormonal teens. I'm mean I'm exhausted running on little sleep, and he's complaining about sex. Experience.

Answer 1

Crymeariver,

I have been where you have been....absent the gaseousness. :)

Thing about married life with kids, house, etc., is that it takes a lot out of you. Then differences show up such as how much one would want sex over the other. Sometimes you can be so tired and worn out that sex becomes an afterthought. Sometimes getting your sleep becomes real important, but after a while one's relationship can suffer because of it. Its all too easy to just let the sex side go in favor of good sleep. Point being that sex is one means of helping to maintain a sense of intimacy, and we each can have very different needs as far as the maintenance schedule (how much sex a person needs to feel close or intimate/connected to their partners). If there are BIG differences between one's spouse's need and the other, problems can arise eventually. Matter of time.

Here is something that helped me and my wife; we would go to bed absolutely wiped from the day. Go to bed, say, 10:00, and sleep until 2:00 in the a.m. Awaken at 2:00, and then we would both feel rested at this point and would slowly begin that dance.

Afterwards, it would not be too hard to go back to sleep provided each partner has been satisfied. its possible if you have not been properly satisfied that you COULD sit there all revved with nowhere to go. In this case, you would need to fine tune it so that each person has the sense of relaxation they need. The woman needs to be pleased, too, and there is nothing like a climax to relax you and let you fall back to sleep. Then, you can sleep several more hours and wake up feeling none the worse for wear.

It has worked for me during times of fatigue where sex just does not seem an option, or might feel like a chore.

One other option is to meet in the middle. Instead of sex every night, say you need periods of good sleep. He wants sex, so have three nights with NO sex, and he agrees to let you sleep all you want. Then you agree to have a night or nights where its HIS night and you give it to him good.......but he should not expect to have you come to bed super early because there are things that need to be done. And if he DOES want you to bed early, then simply suggest one solution to this challenge is for him to help you make this happen by cleaning up after dinner, doing the dishes, running that load in the wash, etc., If he wants a wife that is more open to having sex, that woman can't be feeling like she is run ragged. Hopefully he knows how to run a load of dishes or knows where the cabinet is for the plates. ;)

Answer 2

Please don't take this wrong, but take a step back and ask "is this the exception or the rule"? With my wife she didn't realize that the "occasional not wanting it" was every day for between 1-2 weeks and 3-4 months. Until I started tracking our romantic times on the calendar and pointed it out. Then of course it was a physical thing because she was in upper 30's and had 2 kids so it is normal because "all" women her age that have had 12 kids only wnat sex 4-5 times a year. That is another story though. However, like I said, perhaps a step back to look at the situation will give you some insight into what he is feeling. I am not saying you are not justified, but as folks here are so fond of saying, a marriage does take to and it is not all about one or the other person. Again, please don't take this a criticism, just a thought from someone who is truely physically (and emotionally) neglected. If you find that this situation is actually the exception, show him this response and ask if he would like to be in my shoes and go 2 weeks to 2 months between times of intamacy, that will make him see how lucky he is.

Answer 3

You could have been me a little over a year ago. I kept thinking what a selfish bastard. Can't he see I'm tired. he doesn't help me do anything and then he wants sex on top of everything else? WRONG!!
Too many women put their children before their spouses. Think of it this way. It was your love and your bond that brought these kids into the world. If not for your husband, you wouldn't have kids.
Stop letting your son fall asleep on you and start putting him to bed. He may cry for a few days until he gets used to the new routine, but he will be fine. I promise. If you don't' start to make your husband a priority, you may not have a husband. You may think big deal. Well think about your son. Do you really want him to grow up going back and forth between you and his dad. Having to share holiday's and missing out on a lot because it happened at his dad's and you weren't there?
Your husband is telling you he isn't happy and you are ignoring him. Don't be shocked when he comes to you and says he wants out of the marriage. That is what happened to me. Luckily I woke up and we were able to save our marriage. You have to start putting yourself and your husband above everything else. You are a team. It only works when you are both in the game together. I'm not saying this is all your fault either. He needs to step up and help out more too. You two need to sit down and really talk and make a plan on where you want this marriage to go. Because right now it seems like it's headed for disaster.

Answer 4

Okay this is a sensitive subject..... But I know this if you want to keep your husband you have to keep his @xx HAPPY!! i understand exactly what you are saying and he needs to do the same as well. Men don't always understand making love isn't always physical to us, and you shouldn't be made to feel like you have to have sex just to make him happy and sleep good. Sex is so much more than just jump up and down on a person and doing tricks and all that crap it begins from within and you should actually be in the mood and raising kids, cooking and cleaning, working and all that wears a person down. I feel like sex is a way for men to relieve themselves never realizing women who are not hores aren't like that. Sex is a way we express how much we love them it 's not something we are in debt to them for. Girl maybe you should write him a letter explaining that to him this way there is no arguing if you can't talk to him about it. But if you guys don't get the bedroom right more than likely he will find some chick out there that doesn't respect herself and she will full fill his needs and that is me just being real. I promise I wouldn't say anything to hurt your feelings.But any women that doesn't respect you doesn't respect him. No that!!! I wish you the best honey and don't let that man pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. Make him work for that love Girl!! You deserve it!!!

Answer 5

Multiple issues here. First, how old is the son that you're getting him to sleep this way? I hope it's about him and not you avoiding your husband. Second, you are absolutely right...we men have a tendency to think that, no matter what has happened during the day, at night the relationship is made "all better" by having sex before we go to sleep. And of course, we could not be more wrong! Your husband needs an awakening. He needs to learn about female sexuality, and he needs to understand that you need more to get in the mood than the time of the evening. Carve out some time to have a "heart-to-heart" conversation with him about your feelings, your relationship, and to share things that you both do that detract from romantic feelings. But definitely talk to the man, and keep talking, and get some help if the talking isn't working. Good luck!

Answer 6

Seems to me that your husband has a valid point. Put your son to bed in his own bed at the same time every night. Show some interest in your husband, and put out once in a while. Quit making excuses.

Or keep making excuses and denying him, then in a few months you can come back ask why he is cheating on you!

Grow up--this is real life, a real relationship, it takes work, sacrifice and communication. Communication does not involve rolling yours eyes, making comments like "here we go again" or "what the hell is his problem" he told you what his problem is, now do something about it.

Answer 7

I don't agree with you. I have four children and work. After the kids go to bed I love spending time with my husband. Most women use the excuse that they are tired and don't feel like having sex, that's a lame excuse. You might have more energy if you get a little workout in the evenings by having sex with your husband. I understand as a woman we are expected to give ourselves to everyone and not have time for ourselves, but your hubby is just looking for some attention from you. Try it, you'll have fun.

Answer 8

1. That is a bad habit to let your son fall asleep on the couch in front of a TV. He should have a set bedtime and go to BED to go to sleep.

2. It sounds like you never want sex and you use your son as your excuse.

3. It doesn't sound like your husband is blaming you but wondering if there is something wrong with him (poor guy).

4. "Well, you didn't come to be early, and I'm afraid you are not attracted to me anymore" blah blah." Makes you sound like an insensitive witch.

5. I do think this is YOUR fault. And you should put you kid to bed and then go to bed earlier. Stop being so cold.

Answer 9

though shall not deny your husband whenever he need it as he should not deny you whenever you need it. Blame is always the execuse but the solution is communication between you two. Perhaps if you talk politely and explain your situation he would be considerate. I believe even him he had some day he feels to take a break. However he constantly pushes for it, take a sweet revenge to discipline him softly. Try this and see it works. One weekend go crazy about sex. All you want that weekend is sex. Force him even to have it when he get tired and if he say that he is tired, make your point there. That night he won't be interested to have it since he would understand your feelings and give a break when you need it.

Answer 10

Try to find time to be together more. Sometimes it's not the sex always they want but the attention-to them sex =love.Maybe he really thinks you aren'r spending enough time with him and feels left out at times. Maybe you are advoiding him & sex by letting your son fall sleep on the couch. Just explain you are really tired and unable to preform that action at the moment but would love to cuddle and talk about each others day.When you are feeling more energized-you can preform that action better,put your son to bed instead of the couch to get things going-Luck to you.