I had to break it in half so it would fit on yahoo answer
Single Red Rose
By: Adam Snow
As I see you slowly fade out of sight I then remember
your joy filled smile. I reach out to you as if you were
still alive, I then realized that your not there that
you have gone home. I drop to my knees and
started to cry as I remember the fun times we
shared together. I then felt a hand upon my shoulder,
I turn my head with tears in my eyes, I look up and
saw you in bright light. I stand up and you hug me.
You then told me that it’s going to be alright that
even though your not there with me in body, you’ll
always be there with me in spirit.
2007-09-20 18:36:09 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
As you told me that,
I look into your eyes with tears of joy running down my
cheek, I said to you I love you, you then said it back.
As I let go of your hand you then started to disappear.
You said that you'll always love me that when I am down
you'll always be there with me to help me through the hard
times. I then place a single red rose on your tombstone, then
I started to walk away as walk I turn my head towards your
tombstone and I said that I'll always love you too.
In loving memories of
Sherri M. Webb
March 5 1966-June 16 2005
"Who always put a smile on our face."
2007-09-20 18:36:55 · update #1
I like it, it is constructive, loveable and will make the reader think about the subjectivness of your dialect, well done!
2007-09-23 14:48:46 · answer #1 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is quite moving painful poem. The poet, however, could reconsider making the tenses consistent. Is it in everyday or past tense? Consider these lines:
"I drop to my knees and/started to cry as I remember the fun times we/shared together.
Secondly, the profundity of loss should be apparent in terms of lexical choices. Such pronouns as your in "your not there" kind of weakens the poem. Why shorten "you are" to "your"! That could be a minor correction but it has tremendous effect on the reader's appreciation of of the speaker's state of mind!
good luck
2007-09-20 21:29:02 · answer #2 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now, that was quite good. You had a little problem switching between past and present tense, and it slowed the rhythm a bit, but other than that it was good. The tense only made a slight ripple, fix that and it will make an excellent work.
2007-09-21 09:25:57 · answer #3 · answered by Dondi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats awesome! Great job.
2007-09-20 18:43:54 · answer #4 · answered by Sheri2271 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a very good narrative poem i could picture it so clearly...pretty sad though it made me want to read it again.
2007-09-20 18:44:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thoroughly enjoyed it ur very talented & im sorry for your loss.
2007-09-28 17:54:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋