Two years ago, my husband tore my world apart by telling me he had slept with a co-worker. For a week, we tried to work it out, but after that, he told me he wanted a divorce. He has been with her ever since and I have been putting my life together again with my daughter. I can even say I'm happy and I'm doing okay. So here it is - my sister, who is six months pregnant, told me last night that she and her husband are having a daughter (had the ultrasound that day) and that they were going to name her Petra, which horrifyingly enough, is the name of the woman my ex is with now. Everytime I hear her name, I still almost feel like dying inside, and I just can't believe my sister could do this. She said she's always loved this name so much and that maybe this will be a way for me to heal and not associate the name with so much hatred. She also said I hear the name anyway from my daughter. I just can't believe she could be this cruel to me - how can I ever forgive her?
2007-09-20 17:42:03 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think my sister is doing this to spite me! She was nervous about telling me about this - I just can't get over how insensitive it is. I would never, ever deliberately do something to hurt her. So many people are telling me to keep in mind that she and my niece are more important - of course that's true - but aren't my feelings more important than a name? That's what I'm having trouble with, that her attachment to 'just a name' is stronger than her feelings for me.
2007-09-20 17:57:33 · update #1
I wonder if any of the people telling me to 'just get over it' have ever had their spouse leave them for someone else. I'm sure that if they had, they wouldn't be so dismissive of how I feel. I'm shocked at how little empathy people have. That being said, thank you to the people who have shown compassion. I have little choice, it seems, but it's nice to know that a few people understand how I could be so hurt by this. Thank you.
2007-09-20 18:32:06 · update #2
Communication. Have you directly expressed to her the pain she is creating by making such a choice?
If she decides to give her child the name regardless of how you feel: 1) Once she is born you may take one look at her and never feel reminded of the woman who stole your husband. Newborns have a way of bringing such unconditional love and fragility to life that you may be embarrassed that you ever felt this way to begin with.
2) Create a separate name that you will call her - use her middle name or nickname that you and your daughter will refer to her as.
Good luck. It's only a name and sisters are forever!
2007-09-20 17:55:22 · answer #1 · answered by slave2art 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's mean. I'm going to be induced tomorrow and guess what- I still haven't picked out a name for my daughter. I've liked lot's of different names in my lifetime but I've never gotten stuck on one. I don't know why your sister is doing that and to me Petra is not the greatest name. What happened to you is very sad and your sister doesn't seem to understand that either. Who says you have to love that name? You can call your niece by a nickname instead like "pete" or "sweetie" something else other than "petra."
2007-09-21 00:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by marie s 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that you are justified in feeling hurt by this. Out of ALL of the names out there, your sister needs to pick another one.
It's not worth you trying to grin and bear it, it is reminding you of a painful event in your life. I do think that this is very inconsiderate of her. And how can she tell you that this is way for you to heal? It's not her. Perhaps if she were to put herself in your position for a minute and imagine her husband leaving her and her child, and then you naming your kid after his mistress she would understand it better. I would stress to her that this will really be hurtful to you, and you don't want to have a negative association with something that is supposed to be wonderful. I don't care what anybody else says, your sister is not being very considerate. You are right, and she is wrong.
2007-09-21 01:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really think your sister is showing an incredible lack of compassion toward you. Talk about rubbing salt in an already open wound! I really think people who have said look at it from your sister's side are just so lacking in compassion for what you've gone through! I'm so shocked! It might be hard for you to ever have the same kind of relationship with her again. I do think though, you'll be unhappier if you cut her out of your life. It's going to be tough no matter what...I hope she changes her mind.
2007-09-21 01:53:36 · answer #4 · answered by Jenm 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try to see your sister's side. A name is a big part of a person's life. Hopefully you will not always feel this much hatred toward that name, so for a little while you will be uncomfortable with it, but her daughter will have that name her entire life. Your sister probably thinks that in the long run this decision is best. She is not trying to hurt you, just think logically. Also, her husband might have some say in the decision. And for your own sake, ask yourself if you can really be happy if you have that much hatred inside of you. I understand you being hurt and mad, but try not to hold onto those feelings.
2007-09-21 00:57:52 · answer #5 · answered by bluestorm_22 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I can totally understand where you are coming from. Maybe joke around with her and tell your you will be naming your next child the name of someone SHE hates. Once she realizes how hurtful that can be maybe she will think about it. Not so much that she will back off because more then likely she wont if she really likes that name but maybe she will see how it is bothering you. Honestly I think that is an ugly name but to each their own. How about getting a dog/rat/lizard and naming it that hahahh!!
2007-09-21 00:58:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Forget fighting this one. The problem was not with the hoe Petra but with your husband. You are blaming the wrong person.
When the kid comes along I would make a nick name up for her and only call her by that.
Personally I think Petra sounds like Puke.
2007-09-21 00:54:07 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Do you really think your sister is doing this to be mean?? If she truly likes the name you have to be mature and deal w/it. It is just a name like Charles, Richard, Jeffrey, Aileen and Ted. All names of serial killers...Look at it this way, you now have a Petra to love to go w/the one you don't. It balances it out. Now that name can mean something pure and sweet if you let it!!
2007-09-21 00:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by mia m 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i don't think your sister is naming her baby just to spite you...she may really have liked the name even before that incident...it would be a pity to let a name get in between your relationship...be happy that your sister is going to experience motherhood...be happy that you will be having a niece...maybe she is somehow right, your niece might cure you of your hatred for the name...it is only a name after all and not the person itself...
2007-09-21 00:52:41 · answer #9 · answered by geisha 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What is there to forgive? YOU are the one being cruel to yourself not your sister. She has chosen a name for HER child that she likes, she liked long before the name had negative connotations for you. Get over YOURSELF, the world doesn't revolove around you. This isn't about YOU but the name of a yet to be born baby. Your husband cheating on you is in the past, LEAVE it there.
2007-09-21 01:22:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋