my husband of 7 years makes no effort in our relationship. He is a dedicated man, and works very hard to provisde a very nice life, but in general he has no interest in having a relationship with me, he is happy with our roles, me , the house maker, him the provider.
Our anniversary was not long ago, he didnt take the time to even buy me a card. It made me feel super crummy,
but he always makes ways for everyone else, he'll travel to meet others needs. not a one time occasion but more freaquently then ever.
I am so lost in where we are, and I keep trying to get back on track, he shows no interests.
what can i do? I feel like I am reaching the end. help.
2007-09-20 17:37:10 · 16 answers · asked by Brenda W 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just wanted to add we relocated , fro a dif state, and he is swapped w/work. there is little time, but we have 4 small children, I def dont think he is having an affiar. but It has become routine, he knows I feel this way. I am not sure where to go with that
2007-09-20 17:56:46 · update #1
Have you spoken with him about this matter? Some times, we as women, try to make changes and drop subtle hints for our men, but they just don't get it. It takes sitting down one and one and talking to him, but you can't be confrontational or sound like you're accusing/blaming him for the problems. I find that if talk to my husband and try to identify to him the areas that I need to work on, he's much more open to discussing the areas he needs to work on. You may also remind him that you should come before others in his life...forsaking all others til death...he may remember that line from his nuptials. Your role as a home maker is no less important than his as the provider. Figure out how many hours a week you put in doing house work, cooking, shopping, etc....all those areas where you are "working" toward managing the house...and "pay" yourself...on paper that is...show him how it adds up if you were making, say $10 an hour for cleaning/cooking/errands (you may even give yourself mileage for the errand!) Hope some of this was helpful and best wishes.
2007-09-20 17:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Couple therapy. There seem to be some serious issues there beyond the whole "in a rut" scenario that married couples face when they have been married for a while.
You may also want to spice things up in the bedroom & take some daring chances that you've never done before. Go to your local bookstore (or look online) for some options.
I also hate to say it, but there may be a chance that he is having an affair. Often people will become distant to their spouses & not meet their sexual needs if they are seeing someone else on the side. I would be especially suspicious about all of this traveling he has done. No one is that nice & not show some of that affection to their spouse.
2007-09-20 17:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Then along comes a man or an old boyfriend that pays attention and makes you feel good about yourself again and that is how affairs start! You need to wake him up or just go ahead and leave. A good heart to heart for a starter. Then if he doesn't change or doesn't see the need to change, it is time to make a change rather than cheat. There are plenty of men out there so you could easily find you one that will treat you like a wife and not a business partner. Good Luck.
2007-09-20 17:50:20 · answer #3 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't give up on him and don't blow things out of propotion it may not be what you think first reflect on yourself maybe you being too needy and nothing is never good enough for you or maybe your husband is not even aware of what he is doing to you so talk never ever keep things inside.don't answer for him ask him and tell him exactly how you feel you will end up laughing about it rather than being in an unhappy marriage.
2007-09-20 17:50:17 · answer #4 · answered by maz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband. This happens in a lot of marriages and it's up to the TWO of you to fix it. Make time for each other. Spend time together. Talk to each other. Get a babysitter and go out on a date.
2007-09-20 18:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not alone my birthday and our anniversary was last week and I didn't get anything either. My husband is either on the computer (fantasy sports) watching some kind of sporting event at work or asleep. Feeling lonely when your married is the worst. All I can say is hang in there. Have you talked to him about this???
2007-09-20 18:20:40 · answer #6 · answered by danielle 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to find some girlfriends to hang with. They won't forget your birthday. Don't feel bad....my husband did not even buy me a card for our 35th anniversary.
2007-09-20 17:49:20 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Reverse tactics, don't be mean just become distant and unconcerned. Don't call after him, don't look for him, hardly even notice when he comes home. Find something else to do. He is too sure about you. You have to turn the tables and put some mystery in to the mix.
2007-09-20 17:48:36 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So he is dedicated & a hard worker - to provide you with a nice life?
So he forgot a card on an anniversary? jeez, some people complain about any little thing.
Sounds like you are the "house maker" & your problem is that you're bored. So bored you pick on hubby for any minor misdemeanor by the looks of things.
Stop your whinging & start pulling your own weight & you'll find things will improve because you'll be too busy to complain.
2007-09-20 18:51:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
If you haven't done it yet, sit down and let him know how you feel. If you have and he hasn't changed then leave him. If it is bad enough that you have to ask strangers for advice, then it is not a realationship worth being in.
2007-09-20 17:47:28 · answer #10 · answered by ihatelilac 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋