Me and my husband both had affairs in the last 6 months?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids. 4 months ago I found out he had an affair w/a prostitute on a business trip, he gave her his cell and I found a text from her. After he admitted it, he went to counseling for a while and said he would try to change the things he felt led up to the affair, like being a workaholic. At first he was changing, then once he got too comfy he slipped back into his old ways of putting his job before family. I felt like I was in this marraige alone and started to try to figure out how I was going to leave and be a single mom of 3 kids, I had no job, i was a stay at home mom. Then out of nowhere I got a message from an old boyfriend wanting to talk. We started talking and now I am the one having the affair, not just that, I am falling in love w/ this guy! As soon as my husband found out he went crazy desperate and is now ready to do ANYTHING it will take to save our marraige. Do I follow my heart or do I try to work it out w/ husband

Answer 1

I really believe you should try to work on your marriage first. You may be having strong feelings for your ex right now because your husband has not made you and your marriage a priority. Your ex is giving you the attention that your husband should be giving you so I can see why you are maybe falling in love with him. BUT... if your husband is dead serious about getting some help to save your marriage I think this is the most important thing right now. You have three children together and eight years of marriage, I feel this is worth fighting for. But your heart has to be in it too or it will not work....good luck to you, I wish you all the best!!

Answer 2

First, you have to decide whether you and husband will be able to resolve anything. He went back to his old ways. You should not base your decision on your feelings for the new/old boyfriend. He came and went once before and will probably leave again. Each relationship should be treated seperated and individually rather than cloud the issue with another relationship. You husband just may do anything to save the marriage BUT will he continue or go back to normal? He also knows that now you have someone else that wants you even if it is just for sex. You have another place to go and a support system if you divorce him. He also see 50% of everything he owns (men are territorial) leaving with you and going to another man. Counselling would help but in the end you have to choose with whom you will pick. And you should pick yourself!

Answer 3

You BOTH stood before God, friends, and family and promised to be faithful and to stay together always. Honor those vows. Tell the ex BF to go away and do it in a way that he knows you mean it. Not by being mean but appealing to his moral high ground. Get a concrete agreement on paper with your husband. Do it on paper so you have to think through what you each want and reduce it to writing so you're each clear on your obligations. Both of you sign it and each keep a copy signed by both. Then enforce it and I predict things will work out fine.

Good luck!!!!

Answer 4

Don't ever leave a marriage for another person. If your marriage isn't working, leave for those reasons. You do have 3 kids and I assume you did initially have feelings. An intact family is best for the kids if possible. Check out the web site
www.marriagebuilders.com. It has alot of good information.

You are setting up the 2nd relationship to fail if you go one to another, especially with a ready made family.

Good luck!

Answer 5

If spouses live a long time together,it is nor rare for the man have an affair. He wants excitement and wants a younger girl and so on. I signed in sugarmommymeet.com and made many friends. I learned a lot from them. You cant give up. Using your head and regain your husband.

Answer 6

you are almost in a lose, lose situation that old BF thing usually doesn't work and your hubby still needs to find himself to figure out why he can't get his priorities straight. I say you would be best to stick with the hubby since he is the father of the kids and your husband and he is and has provided for you. if you go to the old BF and it doesn't work you have to ask yourself where do you go then, crawling back to husband? would you want to do that? no i don't think so. He would own you like a piece of property.

Answer 7

Don't give up on your husband. Both you and him should go to counseling together, at least for the kids. If it doesn't work out, you're going to have to split up and find a way to get a job and find babysitting or daycare for the kids.

Answer 8

its easy to fall in love, You have to decide, what you have now with your husband, and is it worth it to trade the 8 years in for as new guy? . Also with the new guy you just have fun with him, No bills, no soccer, no day to day stuff as you do in your real life with your husband. im sure it a blast and it makes both of you feel great,but in the long run you have much more with husband, if your husband is a drunk or beets you, that's different. good luck, and try to get what you have with this guy with your husband.

Answer 9

you must be crazy to start an affair, save your marriage for your children sake!!!!!!!!!!
oh! by the way, sent your husband for HIV test!
go for counseling session (both of you) and work it out, good luck !

Answer 10

Well, at least now you know that both of you are cheaters and liers and don't take your marriage seriously. And one thing not to forget.... your old boy knows that as well. I wonder how much he will trust you.