my husband never treated me the way i shouldve been treated and i found another man that is more than wonderful to me and now my husband wants to step up to be that man! my husband is a good man but really didnt know what he had until this other man. we were seperated awhile then came back cause i felt guilty for divorcing him while he was being deployed to iraq. my husband is aware of this other man and knows im in love with this man as well. i know i came home for the wrong reasons but i just could see him going through this by hisself but this other man is just out of this world and i feel the love he has for me.. my husband never gave me that. but know after he lost me for awhile he realized what he had i knows how the other man makes me happy.. the other man wants to marry me and my husband has divorce papers in iraq with him! i feel like such a bad person but i try telling myself that sometimes its to late to make up what you should have already been doing!! im just so confused!!
2007-09-20 15:36:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, is your husband pulling at your heartstrings to get you to feel all this guilt? Or is it BECAUSE of this other man that he's suddenly had the interest in you. Saying he wants to be someone and actually being that person, are two completely different things. And sure he misses you. You were probably this great, caring wife who tried to stick it out. Yet, it wasn't good enough for him to appreciate at the time. Do you really want to go back to that? Seriously? You remember why you filed those divorce papers. You remember all those tear filled nights, the arguments about how he takes you for granted or is never there for you. Just take a walk down memory lane hon. It'll come back to you. As for the new guy? Guys like that don't come around too often. If you truly love him, and he loves you and you know it...then you know where you belong. Stop questioning it because you feel bad that someone else is hurt. Feeling bad is one thing, but going back to the life you thought you left is completely another....and totally not what you want. It's okay to want to be happy in life. Not everyone gets that...enjoy it. The soon to be ex will eventually move on...as should you.
2007-09-20 15:49:57 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love your husband and he is now treating you the way you always wanted to be treated then there is hope for your marriage. The fact that he is in Iraq serving his country makes it difficult for me to see you off with another man. At least for right now. I can't imagine how he feels being 1/2 way around the world, not knowing what the hell can happen from one minute to the next... I think you should try to be a supporting wife and re-assure him that you love him. When he gets home and adjusts back to civilian life you can talk about your relationship and were it is going. Final note: Don't be sleeping with this other man while you're married. If you really feel very strongly for this other man then get divorced and move on but don't cheat on your husband.
Good luck with your decision.
2007-09-20 16:11:09 · answer #2 · answered by Champ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not in love with your husband you should not stay with him when your heart is not in it. You always know where you need to be in the things that make you happy and not sad. Sometimes a spouse can do to much damage and things can never be the same no matter how you try to justify it or keep it together. When someone treats you so badly in life and you get a taste of how good things can be with someone else you know the difference and can never go back. This man that is so wonderfull to you will not wait around forever and you need to get over the guilt that you feel for your husband. You would be better off letting your husband go to find someone that could love him just for who he is....so that the both of you can truly move on in your lives and find contentment and peace.
2007-09-20 16:44:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer this question. You must be true to what is really in your heart. If you stay with your husband out of pity, it will not work. But if you feel you do have love for him and wish to work on it, then do so. If you know that you will not really make an effort, then you must tell your husband the truth; he deserves someone who loves him also.
Perhaps the best course of action is to separate yourself from this other man (no contact at all), that way you will be able to turn your attention on rebuilding your relationship with your husband; time will tell if you two are able to make it work and get back to the place you once were. Again, only you can make this decision.
2007-09-20 15:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does this not sound weird to you as you wrote it? My husband didn't treat me the way he should have so I found another man.
You didn't say he treated you badly, just that he didn't treat you the way you should have been treated. People slip up and don't always do like they are suppose to but that doesn't mean we are suppose to turn to someone else.Now hes stepping up to be the husband you feel like he should have been. Thats what is suppose to happen. When we find ourselves being neglectful or not doing as we should. We are suppose to change for the better and do the right thing. You sound as if its a bad thing. The bad thing, in my opinion is, you didn't give your husband a chance to work on things. You gave up on him and your marraige. I bet there are probably things he thinks you didn't do in the marriage that you should have been doing too. Marriage is not a short term committment that says I will be with you until I'm not happy anymore. We're not suppose to bounce around from one person to another. You made a commitment to be with each other through better or worse until death do you part. Marriage isn't something to be taken so lightly.
You weren't doing as you should have either. You say during a seperation,,,that means you were still married. You were married and turned to another man, that is willing to be with a married woman. Maybe if you had just taken some time away from him, he could have seen what he needed to be doing to make you happy. Instead you thought it would be better to forget that you had a husband and to try and find happiness with another man. It won't work and now you're trying to tell yourself its to late to go back. You have a husband that knows about this other man and yet he is willing to forgive it and try to work on your marriage but you can't do that.
Its never to late to work on something if you want it bad enough. If your husband is willing to forgive you for your infidelty to him maybe you should try forgiving him for not always being there for you the way you wanted and needed. Try to save your marriage. This other guy you turned to probably isn't going to work out anyway. He is a man that is willing to come into the middle of a marriage and start an affair. It doesn't matter if you were happy or not. Its not his problem, he shouldn't be with a married woman. He also knows you are married and are willing to cheat. Do you really think he will trust you? As soon as things start going a little bad he'll be thinking you're cheating on him next. Try working out stuff and talking about it with your husband instead of being so quick to give up and turn to someone else. Goodluck, I know you have alot of thinking and confusion to deal with. Just use your heart and your head and do what is really right.
2007-09-20 15:55:44 · answer #5 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different. Personally, if your husband didn't beat you or otherwise abuse you, you have an obligation to try to make your marriage work because you took vows (maybe before God) to stay with him in sickness and in health, for better for worse.... you remember. You should work on your marriage. Instead, you went out and found another man and committed adultry. Your husband is in Iraq fighting for his country. I'm against this war, but even I wouldn't divorce a soldier fighting for his country. You are heartless. That is what's wrong with so many people today. They are selfish. Out for themselves and not willing to work at their marriages.
2007-09-20 15:59:22 · answer #6 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should give preferrence to present husband and wife relation, coz for every one that is is the main ...
it is ok that the other man keeps u happy and wants to marry u, but wht is the gurrenty that the other man will be with u all ur life long ?
so, now if ur husband is ready to step up as u like, then u should ignore that other person ...
2007-09-20 15:49:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce. Don't take him back now. He only wants what he can't have. He had his chance to be good to you but now he wants to step up to the plate? Go with your heart. You only have one life and nobody will make sure that you are happy, it is up to you to do it. Go and don't look back. Good luck.
2007-09-20 17:56:49 · answer #8 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. Just because you mentioned that he's in Iraq, it changes my thoughts towards him. Can you wait until he comes back and try to work it out.
2007-09-20 17:01:34 · answer #9 · answered by lawstudntbynite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I here you i'm married to but theres times i wish i wasent. everyone changes in ther life, i say go with your heart, the one you feel the best with. good luck.
2007-09-20 15:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by Gone 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋