Baby so young?

Question

I just want your opionions on being fully prepared for a baby (job, long term fiance (6 yrs.) schooling, and very stable money wise) but....18 years old. Is it so wrong? If so, why?

Since I'm asking for others opinions, let me give mine first. I've always been rather mature for my age and I've had to grow up way too fast so, now at my age I've gotten to the point mentally where I'm prepared and ready to settle down and have a family. Why is it made such a point that a person should not have a child so young and have fun? When in all reality, to me...fun would be having a family with the man I love. Okay, so I know there will be negative comments towards this. In that case, what is "fun while young"? Drinking? Partying? Sleeping around? etc.

Please do not bash me. This is a very serious important question. I am a grown woman with good parents who have done all the preaching already with my life. I don't need it to hear it. constructive would be nice though.

Thanks.

I would just like to add that I have never been the type to party all the time. I've always grown up admiring those in love with a family. I've done my share of partying and I am well over it. I work hard to take care of my family now and I would love even more to know that I'm busting my hind in at work to provide the best for my child and my husband. I do plan on being married before I have a child and I know in my heart that the man I want to have a child with is the man I'm with now. The possibility is there of us not lasting but I do not believe in thinking of the negative until god hands it to me. Even then, I know in my heart we will always provide a loving life for our child. I also don't believe you can't have fun in life because of having a child..I believe it increases the fun to have another addition to a loving couple. One more point, the comment about "can't take it back" I would never want to take back having a child.It's a part of me, and i love and accept who I am.

Answer 1

I am a 23 yrs old and the proud Mother of a 5 yr old and 1 yr old. I got pregnant at 18 and it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Do I regret not going to college and getting drunk everynight? No. Do I regret partying so I couldnt pass a test the next morning? No. To me I had already had my fun. It was time for me to grow up. When I got pregnant with my daughter I was going down hill fast and she saved me!

I went to college and graduated with a 4.0. Being a Mother gave me more drive and ambition to do better. I watched others around me drop out or fail because they missed too much class or were too hung over to come to school.

I LOVE being a young Mom. It isn't all "peachy keen" all the time. But I wouldnt change it for the world. I never thought I would be where I am today. I am also very blessed to be a stay-at-home Mommy. I was caught up in my job and so eager to keep going on college, but during my second pregnancy I was put out on bed rest at 6 months and stayed home with my 4 yr old (at the time). I realized what I missed out on by working and going to school the past 4 yrs (even though I had to do it for her and I before I met my husband). Being on bed rest put ALOT onto perspective for me. Work will always be there, but your kids are only little once!

If you are with someone you love and feel your ready to take on this big responsiblity then you go for it! I wish you the best of luck in whatever decisions you make!!

When you become a Mother, nothing else matters in life! My kids are my everything and my family comes first! I make time for my husband and I, my friends and myself, but my kiddos are #1!

Answer 2

My opinion is that I'm a lot older than 18. I've had five children and it looks, in your comments, as if you are thinking more about yourself having a nice, fun life, than you are thinking about what your child's life would be like.

You think you are mature because you have only lived to 18 years old. But when you are 24, you will look back and see that you were not as mature at 18 as you thought you were. Just like right now, if you look back 5 or 6 years into your own life, or even 3 years to when you were 15, you will see that you have matured a lot since then. And you will keep maturing.

It is probable that no one is ever perfectly mature. You have lots and lots of time to have a baby. But once you are a parent, you are a parent forever. So it's best not to rush it.
Your child deserves stable, mature, committed, married parents and a stable, secure home. You should at least be married long enough to know the marriage is likely to last. Most marriages need a few years, say 3-7, to get stabilized so that children don't rock the boat too hard.

Life changes after you have childlren. You can never just not have them to take care of, like when you want to go away for the weekend. Or when you want to be wild for a night, you can't just do wild things without thinking.

I hope you wait awhile: You can always have children, but once they're here, you can't ever take it back . ; )

Answer 3

OK so my answr to you here is probably the differentiating one from the group but I think you need to hear it.
I was never really one to party either and I understand you're mature and articulate, but no level of maturity or mental preparation is enough when you're just 18, sorry. At 18 you're just getting to learn who YOU are and at this point in your life should be concentrating on that. You have plenty of time to have babies in the future. You should spend some quality time together as a couple too (you said you have a fiance?) as a married couple..You owe it too each other to have some couple time before having kids. And at 18, I'm guessing no college degree yet? You should make that your #1 PRIORITY at this point in your life, because that (like it or not) will set the precedence for the rest of your life. Get your degree, get started on good stable and rewarding career path, get married and THEN start having babies. I don' t know why people feel the need to rush into this and I see it all over this TTC board. And I know this is probably not what you want to hear but you'll be MUCH better off this way. Don't rush your life simply because you're 'mature'. So was I-so are a lot of people. Do things in the right order and you and you're future babies will all have better lives for it. Please understand I'm not bashing you because I relate to you big time-I felt like you at 18 but I'm telling you this because I think other people here won't.

Answer 4

I wouldn't say that enjoying being young has to do with drinking, partying or sleeping around. I would say enjoying being just the two of you, once you have a child you can't go back and you'll miss out on the joys of being a "couple". Of being silly and driving to the airport in the middle of the night to watch the planes take off, of staying up watching movies until 4 in the morning and then sleeping 'til noon the next day. Of just being two.

It's really important that you have a strong relationship before you have kids because having a baby puts a strain on even the best relationships.

It's not the age, it's the time together. I would hope that someone who got married when they were 40 took the same time to work on their relationship. I got married at 19 and we waited 6 years.

Answer 5

Concentrate on getting married and nurturing that relationship. While you can, work on these - buy a house, build a family nest egg, boost your careers, and continue your education. At just 18, neither of you could have a very stable work history - it is only 2 years old! (This is not long in the adult working world, trust me). And although you say you are "very stable money wise" I am skeptical, because to me stable means consistent, not high.

With just a high school diploma, your earnings for the rest of your life will be limited. Remember, YOU will need to be able to earn enough to support your family if you have to. You can't rely on hubby to bring home the bacon because life doesn't always go as planned.

One day I was earning half of the income in my little family. Me, hubby and baby made three. A week later I had a husband in a coma who couldn't do anything but drool with what looked like coffee grounds coming out of his mouth. Suddenly, I was the soul provider to my young son AND my husband. The house, the perfect family, the white picket fence, the all American dream.... flashed before my eyes.
Continue your education!!

Answer 6

Honestly, the decision should be yours to make not some one else. If you feel that you're ready to handle the responsibility of being a mother, the physical as well as the emotional, then its up to you. Mentally you may be ready but make sure that that is what you want.
Find a partner who feels the same way as you do and go on and have a happy family of your own.
A lot of the older, "more experience in life" people, for the most part will tell you that you should enjoy your life while you're still young with no attachments and go out and have fun. Having fun does not mean getting out of control but being responsible when it comes to recreational activities.
Follow your heart and not give in to what others want you to do. Technically, you're an adult now and shouldn't ask permission to do what you want to do with your life.
If you act like a grown up people will treat you like one, if you act like a child and have the need to ask permission to your parents or any one else, they'll treat you like a child.
Its all about maturity and being a responsible adult.

Answer 7

Settling down, getting married, and becoming a mother...it just depends really on the person AND their spouse, not to mention. But you say you are mature already and are ready so I think that's fine. It's just not a good idea to do that stuff when you are immature and can't handle the numerous responsibilities that those stuff bring in life. To me you sound well mature though. Oh yea and since your goals include your fiance/spouse, also make sure that HE, too, is mature and well prepared for the responsibilities that a baby brings. Just being financially stable does not mean anything. You must be calm, EXTREMELY patient, and have a strong mentality in order to nurture and raise a child. Good luck in whatever you decide to do

Answer 8

I honestly do not feel that most people should have a child at 18, or 19 or 20 for that matter. I am speaking from experience. I was married at 18, had my children at 19 and 23. I am now 27 and I love my kids so much, but I can say that having them at such a young age has made it difficult. It has taken every ounce of my effort, now divorced to balance my children, my education, working and mental sanity. I am not telling you not to do what you feel in your heart, but before you make any decisions, think about the next 18 years. You are a smart girl because your asking about it instead of just doing it, you will decide what is best for you. Good luck :o)

Answer 9

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my daughter and 19 when I had her. She is now 8 yrs old. She was the best thing that ever happened to me! It was not a planned pregnancy, but after getting over the initial shock, I got my priorities in order and did what I had had to do to make sure I made the best life possible for my daughter. I have loved every minute of being a mother to her. She is my pride and joy. She has had some problems that we have had to deal with(learning diabilities, minor surgery), so make sure you know that things don't always go as smooth as you may want them to go. But if you are ready for the challenge of EVERYTHING that comes with being a parent, then go for it! You seem mature and seem as though you have a good head on your shoulders. I think you will make an excellent mother, no matter when you decide to make that decision. Don't let society steer you in one direction or the other. You know when the time is right, whether it be now, or ten years from now. Good Luck hun!

Answer 10

Honestly, it's not a terrable thing, but you will miss out on things. How are you going to feel when all of your friends want to go out to the bar and you have to stay at home and watch the baby. What if, by some odd chance, that you end up breaking up. You are at a big changing point in your life and a child will hinder choices you may want to make like going to college, having a full time job. How are you going to afford a baby? How will a baby effect your relationship with your boyfriend? Are you ready to make a serious commitment as a parent? Can you put your own selfishness asside for the baby? Just random thoughts that have gone through my head while thinking about a baby. Some people are ready sooner than others, you just need to be prepared for how it is going to change your life and your life choices.