Ex-husband's future wife won't allow Harry Potter in her home??

Question

My 11-year-old has read her way through thousands of pages of the Harry Potter series and is half way through the sixth book. My ex-husband's fiance doesn't want the books in her home. She has also been praying that my daugher won't grow up to be "bad". My daugher was in tears tonight asking me if she is a bad person. I told my ex-husband we agreed long before this woman came into the picture how we were raising our kids and that I would not allow her to butt in. I'm so furious that she would plant this seed in my child's brain that there is something bad in her! He has asked me to let him handle it. He says he's on this fence with this issue and not sure what he believes anymore. Oh. He is also not sure she should be able to trick or treat anymore because that is evil, too! Should I let him handle it or talk to this woman?

This woman is a Baptist. She is a fanatic. She's told my 15 year old son he will go to hell if he doesn't stop listening to rock music! I am just so angry about this. I am a Christian. It's women like her that give the rest of us a bad name!

Answer 1

i'm a big harry potter fan too, but there's a little more at stake here than whether or not your son can read the books. there are plenty of places (school, your house, etc) that they can be read if he can't bring them to his father's. i'm far more worried about her insinuation that your daughter may be "bad" - what kind of person lets a child think that something is wrong with them or that they're not a fundamentally good person? fears about things like that, even if they were valid, are not to be voiced in front of the child if one wants that child to grow up with any self- esteem. she doesn't sound like the kind of person who is interested in solutions to problems (i'm assuming she has no children of her own, at least i hope not) and i can't see how it is likely to change anytime soon, especially if your ex isn't willing to stand up for the greater good of your childrens' mental well-being. if the courts don't have anything geared towards this, maybe family counseling with you & your ex would be beneficial? it might help him see that his actions today can damage not only his relationship with the children, but they're mental health as well. the kids are already going thru major changes in their lives, they need to feel that they have secure foundations & are valued people in their own right at BOTH homes, not just yours. i'd give him another chance to talk to her; if it doesn't work, i'd request to sit down with both of them for a talk. if they were unwilling or uncooperative, i'd go back to court to see what limits can be made to their time with her.

good thing is that they have you, their number one fan and teacher in life, making them feel loved, respected & cherished. you will override any other influence from the dad's house as they grow up.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

This is just crazy. The only thing I can say is it's a good thing your children are old enough (or almost in the 11 year olds case) to go before a judge and make their own decisions about visitation. Let the kids voice their opinions. Do not back down. Stand behind your kids and let them be normal. Talk to them about this woman's crazy views and try to explain that they will unfortunately meet many others like her in life. She sounds like she has your ex totally under her control and he's forgetting who he is. His "on the fence" stance makes me want to vomit. He's on the fence because he's afraid to jump one way or the other! This is a terrible example for your kids. I think talking to her will only make it worse. People like this have no sense of reason at all. Tell your husband how you feel and let him know that it will be up to the kids to decide if they want to spend time with this woman. Maybe it'll shock some sense into him. No other person is worth putting a huge wedge between you and your children. Good luck and make sure YOU have the kids on Halloween!

Answer 4

I was in a very, very similar situation. The ex typically takes the side of the new women in his life. (Imagine your child was on visitation with the father and his new wife's 18 year-old half-wit kid molested your daughter, age 11 at the time. When you and your daughter tried to discuss this with your ex (the father), he refused to believe your child and took the new wife's side.) It sounds like your ex is with a very religious person. There's nothing you'll be able to do to change HER. What you CAN do is this: Have the courts intervene. You can request that the court ban this woman from interference. If she (and your ex) don't comply, your ex could lose visitation. If their actions are causing emotional turmoil for your child, you need to put a stop to it. There will be a hearing and possibly counseling for the child (which can be a very good thing).

Answer 5

I am going thru the same torture for four years with the new girlfriend always butting in (their not even married). So my daughter skipped school while she was at her dads house and I went to get her to go to school. He has no discipline, always the fun parent, and I'm the strict one. As my daughter comes out so does the girlfriend running her mouth calling me horrible names. Tell me you don't want to rip some heads!! Anyhow if she has any respect for YOU as her MOTHER. She would not overstep her bounderies, and your ex should do the same. Nip it in the butt now!! Or it will never stop! Its all a matter of respect. You wouldn't tell her how to raise her children, Right?

Answer 6

I think I would try and get full custody. Sounds like the new wife is a fundamentalist Christian and there are few sheep more abusive than that. You've already got her sent home crying and feeling like she's a bad person, I wouldn't wait for this to become regular. Contact a lawyer ASAP.

Answer 7

Wow.. this isnt just the normal case of another woman being involved this woman is emotionally abusing ur children.. and that is cause enough to restrict his visitations with the children.. and i would let him know that if cant find away to get his fiance to keep her big mouth shut where ur children are involved that u will get a lawyer and they will fight it out in court and if he gets stuck with supervised visitations so be it, he has a choice, the kids or her..

Answer 8

First, get yourself a notebook and make regular entries of dates, what's been said to your kids, and how they behave afterwards (being in tears is not a good thing). You need to document this behavior. Your ex is spineless; don't expect him to handle anything. You shouldn't aggravate the situation since you know what she'll make a fuss of in his house, but you might point out to him that if he goes along with her plan, he'll probably drive the children out of his life.

I'm wondering about Christmas plays. Since there are kids dressing up and pretending to be other people--revered Biblical characters, no less--isn't that as sinful as dressing up for Halloween?

Answer 9

This woman has no say over your child; but could change your husband beliefs. She has no right to talk down to your child.

You may want to talk to your husband. Remind him that court could be an option. The court really, really tries to have the parents reach an agreement, anyway.

My courthouse has a help center that will help with these type of issues.

Attorneys tend to get expensive. I dropped mine years ago.

Answer 10

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR HUSBAND"S FIANCE?? ITS NOT LIKE SHE IS RELATED TO YOU ANYWAY. TALK TO HER CAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A RIGHT TO READ THOSE BOOKS AND THE CONSTITUTION ITSELF ALLOWS IT! YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD NOT THINK THAT BECAUSE IM SURE SHE IS A GOOD STUDENT AND DOES WELL IN SCHOOL! SHE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO GO TRICK OR TREATING AND NOT BE STRIPPED OF ALL THE FUN STUFF IN LIFE! its not like God will punish her geez *rolls eyes* Plus theres nothing wrong with rock music everyone listens to it theres nothing she can do about it. some ppl just cant accept the changes in life. I suggest you go and take this to court