how much of an issue is trust?

Question

My husband has been talking recently to some chic at his job and because of his past (cheating) Im not so sure that I trust that she is only a friend. not real sure what more I can do other than ask him about it but he has also lied to me in thepast so I dont know how much ill believe... i guess im torn because i really dont wanna leave him because of our shildren but i know had i never had children i wouldve been gone a long time ago because to me trust really is everything....back to the question can you really love a person you dont trust and can u reallly have a healthy relationship witthout trust?

Answer 1

I know what you are going through. I'm sorry.

Answer 2

sounds heave there. well depending on how long you have been married, I would seek counciling to discuss the tribulations in your marriage. All too often I see that cheating is the result of the lack of communication, and the obvious, sexual interest. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust, because it can affect all other aspects of your life, such as friendships, finances, and family. Staying a family does take work on everyone's part, not just from you. Evaluate your marriage on how much work and effort is being put in on all parties, be truthful to yourself, not prideful.

Side note, if he is cheating, as I said before, he may lack some sexual interest in you. Send the kids to your parents or get a babysitter and plan an evening on the town, or if your on a budget, stay at home with a few steamy movies (not the kind you find in the adult store though), and buy an outfit/nightwear he has never seen before, and the rest will play itself out.

Take time, even once a month, to be with each other where it is just you, and plan way ahead, like the 1st friday of every month or something. Good luck and God bless

Answer 3

Honestly, I think you could love someone you dont trust but your relationship is really not healthy. Especially if you're constantly thinking and worrying about him being unfaithful to you. More importantly, the reason for you staying in a relationship/marriage should not be because of children. Not saying that your children know what's going on with you and your spouse, but children do pick up on un happiness and issues in the home. You may not want your children to pick up on the issues and/or anger associated with you and your spouse's relationship. Even if you guys decide to split, you two can still be involved in your children's lives and they'll still know that mommy and daddy care for eachother. But back to you two...Talking is a great thing to do, but if you feel like he'll continue to lie to you like he has in the past then maybe you two should sit down and figure out where your marriage goes from here. Hope this helps! I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

I believe that trust is a component of love.

Would you (and would he?) consider going into couples therapy? You have a marriage and you have children, which is a heavy investment. Maybe it's worth one more shot. If he's willing to go with you in couples therapy, I would see that as a ray of hope. Otherwise, the relationship appears empty to me.

I agree with those who say do not stay in the relationship for the sake of the children. This is about you and your husband. Sometimes as people get older they become more responsible and do the right things. Not often, but I think it's worth seeing a therapist to see if there isn't something left for the two of you to work on.

All the Best of Luck.
LindaLou

Answer 5

Well this are the two options,cheat on him your self and find true love(keep it a secrt)you onliy have 1 life brown_eyes .if he finds out well, 2shey husband.Option 2 get a divorce the kids could live with u and visit their dad evey monday and firday or something.They will be sad for a wil its sad .But most of my friends parents got devors 10 or close to 10.
Well their is a tird option confrunt him tell him that this is herting u and may start to haert the kids.If it doest work option 1&2 fit perfekly.

Answer 6

No, you cant. Without trust, there's nothing. He's a LIAR and hes not worth it. On a different note, there needs to be love in a relationship as well. Remember, you're doing this for the long term and u have to remember the significance of urself besides your children. Confront him about it and tell you how you feel. But if you do not have feelings whatsoever for him anymore, then its better not to hold on to this relationship. It'll hurt the children either way but through co-operation and respondence if u split, itll work out. He'll be a bad role model for ur kids as well.. not a responsible, real father figure. My mum held on to a relationship because of the kids for a long time.. and this only caused thing to spiral out of hand. True, parents divorcing had a huge and rather unpleasant impact on us kids.. but in the long run it seems to work out for the better. Good luck!

Answer 7

Girl trust is everything. Just sit down and think about it for a minute... if there's no trust, everythiing he says you're going to be questioning.

If I were you... I'd sit him down and explain the situation. Tell him you are concerned about the girl at work. Tell him you understand he says they are just friends, but he has lied to you in the past, so let him know that you have every right to be concerned and question his response. Because of his past of lying... tell him you want proof that him and this chick are just friends. When he asks the question "how"... tell him he can figure that one out. He made his mistakes in the past and now he needs to prove you wrong! If he gets pissed off about it... he's probably got something going on with the other chick... guilt and anger are often signs of lying.

You deserve someone who's going to treat you like a lady and be 100% true to you... don't let him play around. Do what you feel in your heart is best... you seem like a smart girl, you'll figure things out.

Good luck :)

Answer 8

Trust is EVERYTHING!!! If you don't have it, then you don't have a relationship. If he knows you are uncomfortable about this women, then he needs to be an open book about everything he does. It takes a long time to learn to trust again, but you will never do that until he gives you honesty. He has to earn your trust. He lied and desicrated your vows, now he needs to be VERY open about his life if he wants to fix this. It is not just your problem, it is a problem that he created. If you are feeling like this, all it is going to do is break down your self esteem and make you insecure. cheaters don't cheat because they aren't getting what they need at home, they do it to boost their own ego's, oand are selfish. They like the thrill of getting cought, but don't calculate the consiquences. NEVER stay in a relationship just for the kids, they can sence things, and a non trusting set of parents isn't going to be a better environment then a parent who is dedicated to them and their own happiness. You deserve better then to stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in, with the excuse of kids. You gave him those kids, the biggest gift on the face of this earth. Don't live a life where you are not happy. You deserve to be loved and cherrished and honesty. I'm not telling you to leave, but if you are not happy and can not forgive, and are constantly afraid he will do it again, that is not healthy for you or the kids. He not only cheated on you, he cheated on them, and you need to protect them, even if it means leaving him. They may not understand now, or be mad at you, but they will get over it when they see you are a whole happy person again. Or you are going to have to learn how to trust and forgive. Good luck hun, trust me I feel your pain, but it is a pain I chose to leave. It was hard, but I'd rather be happy and alone, then together and miserable.

Answer 9

yes, you can love someone you don't trust, but, you can not have a healthy relationship without trust.
you still have some issues to work out about his past conduct, rightfully so, but at some point you have to forgive and learn to trust him or move on...those really are you're only 2 choices.
here's the thing...if he feels like you don't trust him, then he is going to live up to those expectation, but, if you reinforce how much you have come to trust in him, now more then ever, he will truly think twice before breaking that trust, unless he's an ***...in which case, good riddance.

Answer 10

Yes, you can love someone you don't trust. No, you cannot have a healthy relationship without it. Trusting each other is more important that anything in a marriage. When someone betrays that trust, it causes a "domino" effect. Everything they say or do causes you to question their motives. Since he's lied to you in the past, you have every reason to suspect his motives in this instance. Trust has to be earned, not taken for granted.

Answer 11

Trust is an integral part of a relationship, whether it be with a friend or a partner. Cheating is not something that is forgiven over and over again. Maybe once, depending on the circumstances, but I would think about your relationship, and how it will impact the children knowing that you are unhappy in the relationship. We teach our children how to be by our own interactions with people, and if we let ourselves be disrespected, then we are showing our kids that it is ok to let others disrespect them.