My ex wife moved quite far from me when she got married this year. Previously, I had our daughter at least 3 nights per week while the ex went to school. Now, she moved her to a school 30 minutes away and I only get to have my daughter one night per week and every other weekend. This week, the ex decided to put her into a gymnastics class on the night that I get her. The class is over an hour away from me, but very convenient for the ex. She asked me if it was OK, I said no, and she did it anyway and told me it wasn't about me, it was about our daughter and I would have to deal. I couldn't make it there by 6 because of the distance to pick her up, so she told me her "stepdad" would pick her up since it was too inconvenient for me. This sort of thing has happened 3 times in the past 6 months. I have no prob with gymnastics, just needs to be half way. Should I get legal help to enforce my visitation rights or should I just take it for my daughters sake?
2007-09-20 12:45:18 · 21 answers · asked by Badrider15 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes. Fight for your daughter.
Your ex wife is absolutely ridiculous and it's too bad you didn't realize that before you had a child.
Now do whatever you can to be with your daughter. Having a father is much more important than learning how to dance. Girls who miss their daddies end up getting in trouble with boys when they're older.
She needs you.
2007-09-20 12:50:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your ex-wife may be making things difficult in terms of your visitation/access but she IS right about one thing. This is about your daughter!!! It's not about You! It's not about your ex-wife. As adults you both made a choice to end the marriage. Your daughter got no say in the matter. But like any child she is entitled to time with her father. AND she is also entitled to engage in the normal social activities that little girls enjoy, such as dance or gymnastics. If your daughter is taking classes because she WANTS to and because she ENJOYS them, then there really is NO issue here. You just need to make time to visit her and arrange to have her more often. yes it may be more awkward than it was but the reality is that life goes on...people move on, just as your ex-wife has! Deal with it! Get over it! Be an adult! Whatever it takes for you to be with your daughter, Do It! Make it your No.1 priority. bitching about your ex-wife won't do it, your the only one that can do it!
Likelihood if you go to court is that the judge will tell you in no uncertain terms that your visitation rights have not been interfered with, they just aren't as convenient as they were. But inconvenience is not a crime, just a nuisance you have to learn to deal with!
2007-09-20 13:00:18 · answer #2 · answered by cautious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about YOU changing the evening during the week you get her? Your ex is correct, it's not about YOU, if your daughter is interested in gymnastics she should be able to pursue that CONSTRUCTIVE activity. My ex had the same basic visitation schedule as you have, however on the "appointed" evenings during the week he had to attend mandatory meetings where he worked. So all it took was for him to pick another evening he wanted to spend with her. Why are you getting all bent out of shape when a slight adjustment to YOUR schedule can make everything run smoothly...or is behaving childishly your strong point?
2007-09-20 16:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,, This issue of visitation should be outlined in your divorce decree. Standard visitation means you're only allowed the every two weeks and alternating yearly major holidays. Unless you have something special outlined you will have to live without the heartfelt enjoyment of being with your child. The changes you will have to endure will tear your soul apart, until you can understand that the child has a life of their own and needs to be able to expand a bit from the everyday lifestyle you desire. It is possible your ex is not trying to screw you out of the extra visit , but has the upper hand in the schedule of events . Do not take it out on your girl, she is a fragile person who has been through somethings no child should go through, separation from her Father is very traumatic, but little girls and little boys need their mother more. BUT you could go back to court and get joint parental rights to ensure the bickering with your ex keeps your life really messed up. ( have not seen my 12 yr old son for the whole summer inspite of previous scheduled vacation days and holidays, after pursuing legal advice I was told to let him live his own life and do not interfere, it would not be in the best interest of the child!) Sounds like B.S to me, enjoy what time you can with her and make the inconvenient things work out in your favor. Good luck fellow Father.
2007-09-20 13:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm dealing with this same stuff, right now. You should be whizzing through the courthouse by now. Don't sit on this. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to establish, and your custody will be cut down to the minimum.
If you can afford to do a custody situation where your child spends half the time with you, why not do it? You don't have to settle for two weekends. I did this with my older child and I'll tell you what - it starts feeling really crappy when your authority starts waning on the day it's time to take your child back. The child knows, and basically has room to take advantage of you!
Go for broke man, if you really mean to do it then just DO it.
2007-09-20 17:04:29 · answer #5 · answered by Shell Answer Man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup, get an attorney and file a motion to the court concering her breaking the visitation rights. Don't wait..She may decide to move to the Fiji Islands, if you just let her.. Only the court can approve a long distance move and it has to be for many valid reasons.. She's not too far now, but who knows what's in the works for later? It's already made it hard for you.. Let a Judge decide this one..And don't wait.. Good Luck
2007-09-20 12:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by Joanie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yup. (I have absolutely no legal training, nor do I know where you
are, but..) I say yes. First: You would be doing this FOR your daughter. She needs her father. She needs to know him, and she needs to know he loves her. A card at Christmas is very nice, but hardly a substitute for your presence. Your ex sounds like she's just "moved on"... and... as none of the moving-on has cost HER much - "Oh well." "Deal"? Charming...
Go to court. Sounds like (from this side... smile...) you've got a case. You've been very cooperative. She sounds (frankly) like
she's making a move to cut you out (and not just in distance)... and pretend you don't exist. Your daughter deserves WAY-better than that. From you, and from HER MOTHER. Unfortunately, Mom sounds a wee-bit selfish...
I wish you and your daughter good luck, and the best arrangement that can be made. I hope everything works out. Your daughter deserves it.
2007-09-20 14:07:46 · answer #7 · answered by Ja'aj };> 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful. If it says you get her that night on a paper the judge signed, Depending on the times on the paper, it might be you that is in contempt, you might have to leave work early to make it. Be careful of what you ask for. I had something like this happen to me. It was for my ex wife and I to meet half way on Friday night every other weekend to exchange kids, I work nights the judge said work it out. now my ex wife lives 5 hrs away that's 2 and half hrs travel for me to meet her half way. We worked out another deal outside the order, it works for both of us. I would suggest working something out, and it's going to take more give from you being that you're the one unhappy about the situation. Good luck
2007-09-20 12:55:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime an ex makes a move without your approval you need to take it back to court. Otherwise she will continue to run all over you. This isn't about her, it's about you spending time with your daughter. The ex will make it difficult but if you step up each time she does something that you don't approve of, she will start to take you seriously. You don't necessarily need a lawyer. There are self-service centers at the courthouses that provide the necessary paperwork for you to file. It will take time to complete them but at least you won't have to dish out a bunch of cash for a lawyer. I hope this helps. Good Luck!
2007-09-20 12:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by !~!~Edward~!~! 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should be able to spend more time with you daughter. Arrange for her to stay the night when she does not have gymnastics and you should have her every weekend. You need to get your parenting plan revised. I would start with the family law department of your state courts and see what they can help you with before you shell out for an attorney.
2007-09-20 12:58:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋