Ok, we've been together 7 years now and we now have 3 sons. 1 1/2 years ago i had to move 2 hours away because of my job. And now we are finally back together. We are to be married next month finally; but i found out she had a 2 month affair about a year ago. Of course i was devastated, and i felt back then something wasnt right because she started working out, going to the tanning bed etc. but she convinced me she was being faithfull even though she didn't really act happy to see me. She told so many lies to cover up was going on and i waited completely faithfull for so long. Her friend told me everything and she doesn't deny it anymore. But she swears she didn't have sex with him blah blah blah.. And now my family is being tore apart and I want to forgive her but i get so mad,sick, and sad and she never said sorry. so now what to do. my parents divorced when i was 4, and i dont want my kids to live the life I did, I love them so much, is it worth toughing it out for the kids
2007-09-20 11:59:37 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is not worth breaking up your family for one mistake, especially if she swears that nothing happened. All relationships have their ups and downs, and it takes effort and hard work to keep a family together.
2007-09-20 13:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by :))))))))))))) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Postpone the wedding and get some counseling. Don't get married because you think it will be best for the kids because sometime it just doesn't work out how you think it should. And it turns out worse for the kids. Marrying a woman that you don't have trust for is really the wrong thing to do. What are you showing your kids by doing that. She didn't even say sorry to you so what does that tell you? She just needs to be left alone go get joint custody of your children so you will have rights to see your children when you want and how she sounds she probably will give the children to you so she can run with whom ever she has been running with. Cheating is not love. There is no excuse for it. If that's what she wanted to do she should have left you alone or told you she wanted a break and did her cheating on her time and on both of yours. You need to take a break from this woman and get yourself together mentally because it's not over in your heart the pain is still there. Get some counseling
2007-09-20 19:22:34 · answer #2 · answered by Spacious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 3 children with my 14 year husband. Hes cheated on me probably 100 times. My parents also divorced so i hang on for our kids just like you. But yesterday he went too far, hes in jail now ive filed for divorce and my kids have been through enough. It only gets worse im sorry to say. I thought the first couple times oh yeah he will change because he loves me and for our kids. guess what i had a paper come in from child support enforcement last month he has a baby with someone else. Get out and run while you can
2007-09-20 19:53:32 · answer #3 · answered by charmed? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A 2 month affair while you were away? And they didn't have sex? Ya right!!! Dude, you must have some smarts between your ears !!!! If they didn't have sex I bet you his hands were all over her ... Think about that. And what about the other 10 months? I guess she was sitting by the phone every night waiting for you to call? You know why she never said sorry? .... because she wasn't. And now you're thinking of marrying a woman of that character? ......NEVER !!!!!!! She has shown you her true self.
2007-09-20 20:24:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont marry this girl. Dont marry someone who has cheated on you and you are not even married! You sound like a good guy, many women would be glad to have you.....find someone and start over----the girl that cheated, you know you cant trust her and , believe me, trying to live with someone you do not trust is..hell. You remember your parent's divorce, and the chances are almost for sure that your kids will experience the same thing.
Dont do it. It's not worth toughing it out for the kids.
2007-09-20 19:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by skyward 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would put off the wedding. You clearly have stuff to work through and she needs to earn the trust she lost. You can't just forgive blindly or its meaningless. She has to re-earn your trust and show you it was a mistake. How she is to do that I don't know, but I have a feeling it will take time and a lot longer than a month. So I say again put the wedding on hold. At the very least it will let her know that her actions have consequences.
2007-09-20 19:19:37 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, its going to be the same old lame excuse. I was lonely. Personally, I wouldn't stay together for the kids because she get lonely again and run off with the guy. She get divorced from you and you won't see the kids because every time you do she will be angry because of the guilt. I could tell you more but its downhill from there. Good Luck
2007-09-20 20:28:19 · answer #7 · answered by Arvind N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of getting angry you should realize that this is a great opportunity for you.
I'm totally serious mister. It would seem that your woman has a need to be 'desired'.So the smart thing to do is accept that under the facade of your marriage,she is a whore.No sir my intent is not to insult...one indescretion is a mistake,more than that it becomes something else altogether.
Perhaps you can 'capitalize'on this by turning her out.She wants to whore around,but retain the 'honorable' status of marriage, so it makes sense that she become a paid whore.
Of course you need a plan but if you think it through you could rack up some serious TAX-FREE money in a short time.
I think you'd be very surprized to see who would pay to bang your wife hassle free...especially if she's decent looking and good at sex.
Whatever you do,stop letting it get you angry,we men tend to do stupid stuff when we're angry.
2007-09-20 19:48:41 · answer #8 · answered by American Avatar 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She cheated on you once and you're going to forgive her?!? Probably she is is going to do it again. She already proved she doesnt respect you. If she loved you... she would never have done something like that. And you guys have 3 children together. It is not just because you're marriage didnt work that your children will suffer the same. Please... you are having the chance to get out of this relationship and find someone really nice. Someone who can make you really happy.Think twice.
2007-09-20 19:08:15 · answer #9 · answered by Ana Paula 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart, if you love her try and put your differences aside for the kids sake and work it out. But if you don't think that you can ever forgive her, "Don't get back into a relationship." Find a way to compromise and that way you can manage to still see and spend time with your kids. I would advise you too; to seek counseling before getting married.
2007-09-24 18:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋