Should I stay in touch with my ex?

Question

My ex and I have moved on and are in new relationships. I have a son that was not treated well during our relationship. Since last year the ex has wanted to maintain contact with my son. The visits were every two weeks until I took a temporary assignment out of state. The ex rarely calls my son now and does not know when a visit will be possible. The new girlfriend has moved in with the ex and they are talking marriage. Even though we had a bad break up I still like my ex and have feelings of friendship. I want to do the best for my son (age 9) and I am not sure if continued contact is the best for him, since it is now sporadic. I will be going back to my home state soon or a nearby state. By the way, the ex moved to a different state recently. What do you guys think?

Answer 1

If the son is yours and not his then why even talk about him visiting. If the ex has not seen your son on a regular basis, I would just let it go.

Answer 2

I think you need to put the needs of your child before your own, a child needs STABILITY, and if your ex is in and out of your child's life then there is no stability. Furthermore, you don't know how is new girlfriend is going to take to the idea of her boyfriend spending time with your son. If the ex wanted contact, he would have continued the phone contact. So I would not bring the ex back in the picture. It will only hurt your child, should you allow this, and then the ex decides again that he doesn't want it, are you ready to handle the repercussions of this. Your son is your first priority, and an ex is just than AN EX, you and your son need to move on, and since you are in a new relationship what does your current boyfriend have to say about this, and why can't he play a positive role in your son's life. Sounds to me like you want to hold on to the ex. Let him go, and you and your son be happy.

Answer 3

Well I'm confused , nothing new there I live in a constant state of confusion.

You Stated : I have a son that was not treated well during our relationship.

So the ex didnt treat him well how? did he boss him round more then a dad should? did he verbally abuse him? physically abuse him? emotionally or mentally? .

If your son wasnt treated properly by the ex why would you even want him in that child's life ? or are you just waiting for his teenage rebellion to kick in and for him to start smashing your furuniture and stealing off you , or getting into drugs because he thinks he wasnt good enough for the ex? Was the ex his biological father?.

If he is his biological father and you have a court order stating he has to see him then its a totally different ball game , but take it from someone who's 2 oldest sons were mis-treated by their dad that child is going to take it out on you not your ex so be prepared for whats coming.

Sporadic visitation of a parent to a child can cause a lot of emotional insecurity and anger issues , so unless you plan on start making these visit's more a permanent fixture I would consider just wiping them period , dont even bother with the partial phone call .

I dont mean to sound so rude and so blunt but your whole question is full of part specifics not full you jump from 1 section to another and back again , you havent clearly thought out your wording so it makes it hard for me to make a clear and precise advice helpful answer.

What has the new g/f and your ex talking marriage got to do with you communicating over your son with your ex ?Maybe rethink the question and ask again with a more precise explanation.

Good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like you moved away, so its not totally the ex's fault that he is not contacting. Have you encouraged your son to stay in contact? Or did you intentionally not help him?

I just dont know the total story. I think you should STAY OUT of contact with the ex---he does not need your friendship and it will only cause trouble in his new marriage and YOURS.

Your son is the one who should keep contact---mom stay out of it. Let your son build a relationship with his Dad. The Dad needs to admit and work on the bad treatment he gave his son, shame on him if that is true. I think you should work on forgiving each other---the son and his Dad. Dont deny your son his Dad----there will always be a hole in your son ---that's where his Dad should be.

Your son is getting to an age where he and his Dad can make a beginning on a new relationship. Forgive. Your son is old enough to write email, encourage him to write to his Dad.

Answer 5

As hard as it can be for both parties the first priority here should be the boy. Even if you two aren't together, he needs to KNOW that he is loved by both parents.
Even in a new relationship, his Dad should make the time and effort to keep in touch with his son. Even if regular visits are too hard, due to time or distance, a regular phone calls take not much time or money, but are worth gold to your son.
Talk to your ex, away form your son's hearing, and GENTLY remind him that his son needs him to stay in regular contact. If he seriously says its too much trouble, to make regular contact, point out that its his son that will miss out. If he's any kind of father, he will make the effort.

Answer 6

well if he has moved to another state then he is clearly moving on and the g/f has his attention right now and his son is 2nd so now you know that your son should make the choice of weather or not he wants to maintain a relationship with his dad . I think the ex has made it clear that he no longer wishes to maintain the relationship with his son .And it will be worse if he marries the g/f. cause she is not going to want the boy around her . sounds like they are trying to move away from you and your son . good luck .

Answer 7

I personally think it is really good for the kids to see their parents get along after a divorce. Too many times parents use their kids as weapons against each other. If you keep up a friendly relationship that is best for all concerned. Even though the marriage didn't work out, you had a life with this man and created a child. The difficult relationship your son and his father have will have to work itself out. It is really healthy that the two of you get along and you don't bad mouth the x. That will probably help their relationship to get better also. You are doing the right thing. Good Luck.

Answer 8

If this is his son I wouldn't suggest interfering with their relationship as your son is old enough or soon will be to draw his own conclusion about his dad ,however I would not pursue or encourage contact if it is not happening it will probably have a negative effect on your son in the long run find another positive male figure to be a role model for your son ( but not a replacement for his dad)

Answer 9

Well you should stay in touch with even though he treat you bad and maybe like dirt but over look it say God has it even tough he treat you an your son bad life goes if he's willing to take care of your son let him take him out an have a good time an them getting married just lets him see for the best if he treated you wrong God will have something in store for him let the event unfold thy will be told of all bad and if good deeds that your done if you take my advice but have a nice life an i hope you find somebody.

Answer 10

well if he did not treat your son good to begin and now has no time for him since he has a new girlfriend, what does that tell you? Is it his son? If it is, you guys have to get along and do what you can to allow your ex to be part of his life. If it is not his son, MOVE ON.