Let's say you have a girlfriend / boyfriend of a different race / culture than yours. Suddenly after being together for some time with almost no cultural obstacles, you two disagree on a key culturally-influenced issue, like say... abortion.
Here's what I'm really wondering about... what cultural obstacle would you consider reason enough to leave someone even if you care for them a lot. What unresolved problem of a cultural nature would be cause enough for you to pack up and move back to your parents.
And let's not mention religion as a reason as this would be quite predictable. So besides religion... what would it be?
Just wondering. It's been in my head recently.
2007-09-20 10:20:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Travel ➔ Asia Pacific ➔ Philippines
I'll answer the other question (“what cultural obstacle would you consider reason enough to leave someone even if you care for them a lot”) because I'm not qualified to answer the first one.
One core Filipino value that Pinoy males treasure very much is "pakikisama," or the intrinsic desire to be united with one's group. Pakikisama could mean having a drinking session with one's buddies, or going fishing with them, playing golf, whatever, it's a group action with one's friends, not involving the participation of the other person in the relationship.
The problem with those activities is the potential conflict it creates; obviously some valuable time that would otherwise have been spent with the wife or girlfriend would be lost. Interests clash. I have seen this a lot for this practice is prevalent in Filipino society. Apparently this doesn’t cause complications because it is tolerated by our wives and girlfriends. However an outsider to our culture may not fully understand this, much less find it acceptable. By itself, this conflict might not be sufficient cause for breakup in some cases, but might contribute to it.
Good luck PT.
2007-09-22 10:00:28 · answer #1 · answered by sweetwater 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't like where you're going with this, PT...I trust all is well in paradise.
I'm far from being an old-fashioned gal (heck, my values are ahead of this century!) but I draw the line at abortion. Let me be clear, however, that I do not and will not condemn anyone who'd go for abortion - "it's her body, it's her choice." But not for me. I think I should be responsible enough to bear the consequences of my carelessness. If I choose to have unprotected s-e-x, the pregnancy may be unwanted but that baby is NOT. It has nothing to do with my religion nor with my culture, it's just how I feel about babies. They are faultless here so why should they suffer and be punished for my misdeeds.
Putting my shoes on other people, maybe a big cultural thing is the prospect of being "branded"....maybe some would rather undergo an abortion than bear a child outside of marriage or that is the product of extra-marital affairs. So many factors, PT...some societal, some personal.
Added:
Let's not forget too, some women are just darn scared of giving birth or have unfounded aversion to being moms (not ready yet, blah blah blah).
2007-09-20 11:15:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Good question!
To me there are four areas of compatibility: Religion, Education, Finances, and Family.
To what degree you expect to be compatible to each area with your spouse depends on what role each area has on your life and whether or not you have uncompromising values in any of these areas.
You mentioned abortion, and this isn't about culture--but about history. Let's say you and your GF talk about abortion and you mention that you are against abortion--but turns out without you knowing she had an abortion! Or suppose you are for an abortion and turns out her Dad left her Mom because he would have an abortion when her Mom was pregnant with her. In any case this is really a big deal for some people because they have strong personal feelings and emotions invested in such a belief.
Most persons will mention that love should over ride all--but to be honest, that's why two people she get to know eachother first and be willing to listen to eachother to identify concerns early on.
2007-09-20 11:22:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I rarely, very rarely have cultural problems with anyone. The most for me would be imposing his religion on me but that's already out per your question.
I guess another would be racial discrimination. I don't think I can get along with anyone who doesn't like me in the first place. I don't consider abortion to be cultural really. Abortion is universal. It is being practiced by almost every country, just not in the open of course. It is an individual disposition and based on how you two would agree on it.
2007-09-20 10:37:33 · answer #4 · answered by ohioan_femme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abortion will still somehow be related to the belief of the person. It would be a big issue.
One issue also if the girl or boy often goes out even he/she is married laready. This will be problem if one is not used to it. But this will be one of the things that will somehow be attributed to the cultural differences.
2007-09-20 22:07:46 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only God, who giveth life, can taketh away.
I am against abortion, period. If I were asked to make a choice between keeping the relationship and keeping the baby, I would choose the latter.
Dear Mommy,
I am in Heaven now... I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existence. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.
That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Daddy, help me." Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.
Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me. I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.
And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me away to a wonderful place... Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion". I am sorry, for I know how it feels." I don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name of the monster. I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn't want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.
Love,
Your Baby Girl
2007-09-22 01:27:08 · answer #6 · answered by shirley g 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would say family matters.
I love my family, they're the source of my strength. If my husband can't deal with how i value my family, he can forget I ever existed.
2007-09-20 17:26:37 · answer #7 · answered by MAGpie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she'll go to pieces, for sure, there is more abortion in the Philippines than you realize my friend, about half of them botched ones.
2007-09-20 18:59:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋