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My boyfriend and I were together for about 6 months and out of the blue he said he didnt want to see me anymore and that was that. No answers no nothing. I tried and tried to get ahold of him and see what in the world changed him but no luck. I eventually gave up, but was heart broken. I did the girl thing, went out got drunk and slept with an ex to make myself feel better. My boyfriend came back around and I told him what happened because I wanted to be honest. We are now married and happy but he still sometime mentions that I hurt him sooo bad and how could I cheat on him....but I don't think I cheated!! Opinions???

2007-09-20 08:45:13 · 37 answers · asked by must<3dogs 3 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

37 answers

RIGHT... You know you let the ex hit that thang while you were with your boyfriend. You came home and he smelled sex on you. He needs to keep an eye on you. You will do it again!

Wash yourself before you come home next time!

2007-09-20 08:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by ranch_tester 5 · 1 10

No you did not cheat, but that is not the point. The point is you two are now married and that is in the past. You cannot change the past, so why worry about it?

I can tell you from the man's perspective that your actions of getting drunk and screwing some guy is a very worrisome reality. You hubby is afraid that you will make the same mistake again next time he screws up. So on one hand, I cannot blame him.

He is a slave to his fear and that is why he makes you feel guilty. It is the only way he knows how to handle his immature feelings.

Until he learns not to be a slave to his fears, and few people achieve this task, you will be reminded of this blunder. Your choice is simply to live with it, or don't.

I will pray for you and your husband. Good luck. Just love him for who he is, all the good and all the bad included, and all will work out.

2007-09-20 08:55:41 · answer #2 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1 0

You did not cheat on your boyfriend at the time. He told you he did not want to see you anymore, he did not communicate with you and for you at that time he gave you every indication that he was gone and not coming back!! When he did decide to come back you were honest and truthful explaining yourself..... which was something he did not even have the respect to do! He abandoned you and he is very lucky that he got you back and you married him. This should teach him that if you really care about someone you cannot expect a person to stop living and think the world revolves around you! He needs to let it go and learn from the experience how important it is to always communicate and not expect another person to read his mind.

2007-09-20 09:05:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

My opinion is that you shouldn't have married someone who would leave you out of the blue. Now that he is claiming you cheated on him, it shouldn't surprise you that he is emotionally immature.

You would do well to address this at a time when you're not in an argument. Just bring it up. Ask him how he could possibly define your actions as cheating. Make him be clear, and go into details about what cheating is and what it is not. Make him explain how he thinks of it as cheating. Get specific. When the two of you reach a point at which he must agree that what you did does not constitute cheating, conclude the conversation by telling him that he is never to refer to that incident as cheating ever again. Give it a new name: sex on break, for example. If you continue to allow him to do what he's doing now, it's going to be a thorn in your side for many years. So make him stop it.

2007-09-20 08:55:42 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0 2

Just like everyone says, this is right out of 'Friends' and although most will say it is not cheating.....it may not have been the right thing to do.

Most people in a relationship would like to think that they can have a spat or 'mini-breakup' without having to worry about their partner having sex with someone else.

I've had arguments with my girlfriend that end with me saying something like 'Well, if you don't like me, just leave me then'.......and of course, she'll walk out the door. Now, if she came back the next day having had sex with her ex, I would probably consider that cheating......even though technically, it isn't.

People do and say things out of spite all the time. Every situation is different and there may have been 3 weeks in between your 'breakup' and self-confidence sex......or there may have only been 1 day.

Either way, it sounds like you have been married for at least a little while......he needs to either forgive, forget, or whatever he needs to do in order to get over it.

2007-09-24 08:09:54 · answer #5 · answered by Jay E 3 · 0 0

He broke up with you, and you tried to make yourself feel better by acting a fool and sleeping with an ex. I wouldn't classify your actions as "the girl thing" as many of us (hopefully most) do not react to a breakup in that way. However, regardless of his opinions of what you did.. he needs to remember that he was the one who broke up with you, BEFORE you did anything. It's not like you were "together" at the time.. no matter how soon it happened.

You may have used poor judgement, but you certainly did not cheat. You can't cheat on someone you're not even in a relationship with anymore.. That's obsurd, and you need to have a serious talk with him.

2007-09-20 08:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 1 0

oh my friggin god this same thing happened to me but I didnt sleep with the other guy did other stuff but whatever. He told me how he didnt want to be with me etc (turns out he was had gotten bad medical news and didnt want to ruin my life really oer dramatic it wasnt that bad) so after a month of bs I finally went out with this other guy and we got back together and married and he bitches about it too. I dont get it. It would have never happened had I not felt so alone and horrible from what he did I'm with you its not cheating and they need to grow the **** up

2007-09-20 09:09:25 · answer #7 · answered by sarah W 4 · 0 0

No you definitely didn't!
He doesn't want to accept any responsibility for breaking up with you, then tough.
But you didn't do anything wrong.
What is someone to do when she's hurt and heartbroken and having tried so hard to save the relationship?
Well, maybe sleeping with someone else is not the best way to get over someone, but sometimes, grief can make you do terrible things.

2007-09-20 08:53:30 · answer #8 · answered by Kc 6 · 0 0

No you did not cheat because he broke up with you THEN you slept with your ex and THEN after that he got back together with you and so teqniqually you didnt cheat if you slept with your ex when you were single. But heres what you do, confront him and tell him that you were heart-broken when he broke up with you and after you did you slept with your Ex!
You didnt cheat.
Hope everything works out between you and your husband!

2007-09-20 09:07:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

It sounds like this guy is a manipulative and insecure individual. He probably insists that you cheated because he was with somebody else when he broke up with you. Since he ended the relationship previously, you did not cheat. I think it would be worth watching him for strange behavior to ensure he is not cheating on you in your marriage.

2007-09-20 09:02:10 · answer #10 · answered by clahti1 2 · 0 0

It's time for him to move on. When ever my wife thinks I have done something wrong I always ask for all of my punishment up front as I don't want the "I forgive, but I never forget" attitude. My wife and I got through this by coming to an understanding that if we don't forgive each other and move on, why do we ever apologize?

2007-09-20 09:03:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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