My husband is severly bipolar and physically,mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. I love him but I can not take it anymore. I am scared of him and he told me if I leave he will kill me...I live in a little town with no family or friends, I have no where to go, no money, or car..I have two babies that see him do these things to me...he has never harmed them in any way but he has hurt me many time...so, I am here to find out suggestions on what to do...
2007-09-20 08:33:44 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
THIS IS SERIOUS. my mom was and is bipolar and they NEED the right medication... if he is on the right meds and the bipolar issues have gone mostly away Watch OUT because he could have a TOTALLY seperate issue of being an abuser.... Honey take care of yourself!!!!!!!! I know how hard it is to stop caring for someone else day in and day out and the responsibility that you feel towards them.... I just left my abusive husband a year ago!! Just know that if he is bipolar and the PSYCHOLOGIST not psychiatrist says that his hitting you and abusing you is the mania and the BiPolar and is SURE about that... then you should get him on the right meds, try ect, or even hospitalize until he stabilizes... if he is hitting you your life is in danger. My own mom was able to almost take my life a few times.. he is not blood he is a husband.. you know he could make the worst mistake of his life if he hurt you that bad and didnt realise he was killng you. Please dont take this wrong.. I am being blunt because this is an issue that is EXTREMELY important.... get this behavior to stop NOW... even if it means stronger meds... TELL the doctor what has been happening. If it is the BiPolar you may see him get better in the future! But if it is abuse... there is a 2% recovery rate from that personality. You have to know the TRUTH... And the babies? Ill give you psychology stats.. children who see abuse/are abused they statistically grow up to either be abusers or be abused. DO NOT let the children see!! And if he is BiPOLAR and does this because of the illness there is nothing keeping him from one day hurting the kids too... people are UNAWARE of their actions with this disorder it is a psychotic disorder not an anxiety disorder. Be careful and get him help!! STAY SAFE. Even if you need to live with your parents or anywhere else stay SAFE.. keep the kids safe... and realise that what he does is NOT your fault and not your responsibility.. that was the #1 thing we had to learn when recovering from our life with a Bi Polar mom.
Wait!!!!
Now that Ive read the other answers PLEASE understand 3 important things.
1. no BiPolar psychotic disorder is not an "excuse"
he needs medical and psyciatric help (as in NOW) and he is NOT himself it is his Brain not him. I know because after 20 years my mom recovered. She is back.. but for 20 years we did not know at ALL who she was.... Also If he gets on the right meds and continues to abuse THEN yes you need to see if he is truly an Abuser. If he IS... That is when you leave honey. Just being honest. Give him all the chances you can but do not lay down your life.
2. NEVER EVER DRUG SOMEONE. Even if it is zoloft or whatever. A mentally Ill person who is on other drugs will have an affect when you add chemicals to their drugs!
Health problems/seizures/heart attacks ..and you would be blamed even if you were just trying to help...OR worse ~ the drug could cause an episode!!! It could make him worse!! And make his behavior worse!
Now even if he is Not on any drugs (and god I hope he has some!!!) the medicine may still cause a reaction because BiPolar is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain... dont mess with those chemicals leave that to the psychiatrists.
Remember For psychological help see the psychologist not the psychiatrist.. the psychiatrist does only Drugs dont let them fool you into coming for therapy. They do the drugs and that is all... and medchecks. Dont drug him!!
3. Someone said you should threaten him with leaving.
Ok I see your point... but NO dont do that.
Most women who are killed are victims that just told their abuser they were leaving or threatened their abuser. Ive seen 3 people die this year in my emotional abuse online group.. please believe me here. If you decide to leave someday you must go when he is NOT around.. do not tell him.
Leaving is simply what you chose and you just go and don't let him find you... ecspecially when he is mentally unstable!!!!! Do not tell him that or threaten him or say you'll take his kids!!... hush on that because you do not want to fight.
Just keep it in your heart that YOU are in charge of your life and your kids lives. You do have the power. And as his wife you have the ability to hospitalize him if you think he needs to be taken care of and stabilized.. Just.... No threats... please stay safe!
I really hope you take all this advice from all of us to heart.
I run an abuse page if you ever want to visit.
http://www.myspace.com/_emotionalabuse
2007-09-20 08:54:03 · answer #1 · answered by Miz Phoenix 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do have somewhere to go, go to your nearest womans refuge. It might be horrid and not the sort of place you want to be but you will be alive and your children wont grow up and beleive that is the way to act. If your husband loves you and wants to be with you he will seek medication and counselling and you can start to rebuild your life. YOU NEED TO GET OUT. I think you know in your heart that it isn't going to get any better. If you leave and go to a refuge you will be safe.
If your husband is diagnosed bipolar you could contact your family doctor and ask for their advice. Also the bipolar society - just make sure you look after yourself.
2007-09-20 08:45:39 · answer #2 · answered by snaffle 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sorry but, he's using the bipolar as an excuse. he may be bipolar but he's also a controlling idiot. you should be calling the police when he gets abusive and have a restraining order put on him. i know a few people who are bipolar. violence included. i've dealt with this first hand. your husband is,simply put, abusive. plain and simple. take yourself to a shelter or call your family-if you have some out of town-and get away from this guy.
2007-09-20 08:48:37 · answer #3 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have a relative who has bipolar and he takes medication. Does your hubby see a doctor at all? Does he take his Meds? You need to go to the police or your own doctor and tell him how he treats you. That is no way to live. Your doc or police can steer you to the person who can best help you. It is easy to tell you just leave him. But under your cicumstances , no car ,two babies well that is tough. I will pray for your safety and for him to stop hurting you.God bless you sweetie.
2007-09-20 08:50:25 · answer #4 · answered by Trish 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The ERs in the hospitals where I live seem to be required to ask women if they're being abused (I was there for an inner ear infection and they still asked me). Check with the police or with your local hospital; some have outreach programs.
Contact the local psychiatric facilities. The social workers there probably know what resources would be available to you.
Good luck. Stay safe.
2007-09-20 08:43:04 · answer #5 · answered by pufferoo 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Call a family member or a friend and get out. File for a restraining order and. next time he touches you call the cops and get it on record. Are you sure he has bipolar or is he using that as an excuse to abuse you?
2007-09-20 08:39:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Take the family car and leave. Go to the police. Get your family (where ever they are) to pick you up. Just get out of the situation because there is no reason to deal with that.
2007-09-20 08:38:08 · answer #7 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get your babies and get out, the sooner the better!! There are people in the community such as a minister or home for battered/abused women & children. Call your local police or sherrif's dept. They should be able to help you. It is only going to get worse. You want to get out before he hurts your children. Your children are already hurting if they have witnessed him hurting you. I have been in the same situation. GET OUT
2007-09-20 08:48:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although you love him, it doesn't sound like he loves you. He may not have hurt your children yet, but he will one day. Protect them now and get away! Go to the police, get a restraining order and find a shelter to help you get on your feet. The police or social services should be able to give you information on a shelter where you can stay.
2007-09-20 08:55:48 · answer #9 · answered by *Almost ready* 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry you are living like this, but know is time to run for your life and your kids life. Look for help in your area, He hurts you, abuses you, so eventually he is gonna abuse the kids. What about if one days he goes crazy and kills you? (God forbid this happens) just an example, Is he gonna look after your kids??? No, that is what I thought. He is sick and needs help, but you need to keep your sanity 'til you can and look after your kids and yourself. Email me, we will come with a plan, we can look for local institutions that help woman in your situation, you are in danger. Be wise.
2007-09-20 08:40:45 · answer #10 · answered by Kent-B-True 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋