Im 23 yrs old, married and have 3 stepkids on child of my own. My husband changes personalities like socks. One day he's the man I want to spend my life with, then next day I want to be so far from him and never think of him again. We are 3 weeks left to deliver our first child together and we are putting up for adoption. Its very hard and nerve racking, my husband is not here for me emotionally, he rarely ever talks to me which he was the talker not me. I am so fed up with having to do everything myself with no support from the man who rushed it all. Should I stay or go? What would you do and why?
2007-09-20 07:59:19 · 14 answers · asked by pchristine84 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband was the one who pushed the marriage issue so excited and didnt want to wait. So I felt the marriage would be promising to last b/c not many men want marriage. I see now i was wrong. The reason for the adoption is we want better for this new baby then what we can provide for at this moment. My husband was the one like i said to rush marriage i was reluktant, my own mother told him when he asked her if he could marry me, she told him better make sure shees not wearing shoes she will run! He wanted a child together after we married another baby was soon for me my daughter is the youngest shes 2. Things were always so beautiful and real, until he and i got into argument and i went to stay with my mother for a few days then he sends me adoption papers after he contacted an agency. He knows I cry and feel scared and apart of me doesnt want to do this but i do understand its best financially at this moment.
2007-09-20 08:51:12 · update #1
It sounds like the adoption was his idea. Can't believe you really want to give up your child and you are married. Try explaining that to your child when he or she is 18 and they findout you kept the other 4 kids and gave them away. Just someting to think about. If you are not happy in your marriage then open your mouth and say so. You do have a choice in your life take a stand. If you handling this adoption issue alone , you will everything else in the future alone if nothing changes.
2007-09-20 08:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one, I would get on birth control as soon as the child is born. There's no way I would ever want to go through giving up my child again. Then, once things settle down after the pregnancy, I would try and figure out why I married the person I was with, and if these reasons still apply. There had to have been something compelling enough about this person for you to decide you wanted to marry him; without knowing what it was, and is, it's impossible to say "stay" or "go". If he has emotional problems, perhaps the reason is medical; he could see a psychiatrist. You have to keep in mind that right now you both are going through a difficult time, and it may have caused him to become more distant. Wait until the whole adoption process is over, then see how you feel about the marriage. Good luck.
2007-09-20 15:09:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing is stop putting your feelings here and start telling them to your husband.
Putting your child up for adoption? Why in the world would you do such a thing? He very well may be feeling like you don't want his child as you've been willing to go along with the adoption. If you didn't want to have another child yet, or ever for that matter, there were ways to prevent it from happening.
Get some freaking common sense in your life. Open the line of communication with this man. Tell him how you feel, take responsibility for your actions, and grow the heck up.
2007-09-20 15:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by wentfishing2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What? Why do you have to put up your child for adoption and keep his other 3 children. It sounds like your heart is not in it if you are questioning the adoption. I would keep your child, but then the question arises as to why you got pregnant and added more hardship into your life. Why is it that you must conform to his wishes? Did your husband push you into the pregnancy and then decide that you couldn't take care of another child. I don't understand the "man who rushed it all" part but I can say this, Please dear, realize that we were all born with the power of free will..no one controls our choices or makes decsions for us. It is all up to us, the individual...and I believe you have yourself to blame for this for going along with his ideas. Start thinking for yourself. Best Wishes
2007-09-20 15:36:38 · answer #4 · answered by n8tive_muse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would worry about the child I am carrying and if your having 2nd thoughts about your husband then maybe you should sit down and talk to him and if he willnt talk to you then that should be your answer to pack up and go and take care of yourself and the baby that is coming... Who wanted the baby in the first place??? U rushed into marriage to soon and now your in a big mess.. I would get out and take care of my baby and myself....
2007-09-20 15:05:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you do have alot to think about. Have you tried talking to him about how disconnected you feel? He probably has alot on his mind too, so i wouldn't say leave him over the mood swings. Try talking about all of this and see how you two can learn to be more supportive of each other. I wouldn't come across as attacking him and telling him what he does wrong, just tell him what you need and use the word "we" instead of "you" when you are talking about things you want to change in your relationship. Good luck. :)
2007-09-20 15:16:45 · answer #6 · answered by BNic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would pack up and go, because he is not going to change. You need somebody to give you support, love, understanding, patience. You need somebody who cares for you, who takes the time to ask how are you feeling. You need a man that is going to do the job of a husband the way it should be done. A man that is not there for his wife emotionally, doesn't really love her. It is known to all men that when a woman is pregnant, she needs to be taking care off. She needs to be pampered and loved. If he is not doing that, then why would you waste your time with him. He appears to be a selfish, careless man.
2007-09-20 15:13:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are looking at giving up your child together because you cant care for it and give it eveything they deserve, thats great.... but why in the world would you stick around?? if its bad enough to have to give up your child, that should tell you something right there... he maybe bipolar and need medication and that is something you two need to look into. But with the info you have offered, what is the reason to stay.....
2007-09-20 15:08:25 · answer #8 · answered by KatieAnn H 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you putting your child up for adoption?? I would think that would be a pretty hard thing to do. It sounds like you are not happy...I would leave and not look back...I wish you luck...
2007-09-20 15:07:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you would want to put your own child up for adoption, yet raise his three children, how is that fair?
2007-09-20 15:10:28 · answer #10 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋