We have a 4 month old daughter and I am the only one getting up with her at night which is usually twice a night . My boyfriend works everyday so he leaves by 6:45 am, I on the otherhand work 3 nights a week as a waitress. I feel like it's wrong to ask him to get up with her since he has to get up early and I dont . I am not getting much sleep though and man am I grouchy !!! What do you think about this ??? Is this fair ??/
2007-09-20 07:43:30 · 26 answers · asked by LLIJ617 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
tell your boyfriend that technically you have two jobs now. Your a full time mom and part time waitress. So it wont kill him to wake up sometimes with the baby so that you can get some sleep. Im sure there's much more at risk you trying to raise a baby dead tired all the time then him being sleepy at work a few days a week. The whole idea of parenting is that it's a two person job. He's the dad. Just because your the mom doesnt give him the right to hand over the baby every time she cries or needs her diaper changed and he's a little sleepy. It's not fair at all .
2007-09-20 08:23:21 · answer #1 · answered by adrianne M 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both have made some mistakes (a pregnancy that you were not prepared for and birthing a child without providing him/her the sancutary of married, commited parents) but it's never, never too late to get on the right track. You both need to learn some parenting skills but most importantly, your boyfiend needs to learn how to be a whole man. Ask him if he knows what a man is. Can either of you define it? He is confused (men in our culture today are terribly confused about what manhood really is and what their role is) and it's not his fault. It only becomes his fault if he doesn't take advantage of opportunities to learn, grow, become un-confused so that he will reject passivity, lead courageously, accept responsibility -- and take care of you and his family. If you truly want him to be a real father to your child, you will need to get married, get serious and get committed. Being a mother and father is not for sissies. It is difficult. It is a lot of work, a lot of responsibility and involves major sacrifice. Without the framework and commitment of a marriage and a sense of the roles we each should play, his lack of helping at night is the least of your worries.
2007-09-20 15:15:57 · answer #2 · answered by braavhaart 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not fair at all. My husband works late and I work full time as well, but we take turns. You need to put your foot down and come up with a compromise. Being a mother is hard work, and being a father should be too. Have him try helping out twice a week with the night feedings and see how he does with that. If he gets angry, ask him how he thinks YOU feel. While he may work daily, you also come home to take care of the baby, cook, and clean the house.
My husband actually went out with friends last night until 4 am without calling in once. I had his clothes all packed in suitcases when he came home. He clearly got the message and told me this morning he'd take care of the night feedings tonight.
If your boyfriend cares about you, he should help you out. If he doesn't, you should reconsider your relationship and where it might be headed.
2007-09-20 14:54:37 · answer #3 · answered by Astragalo 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
As most men, my husband would not get up with either one of our kids. Even when I worked a full time job too. It's a man thing. Maybe you two could work something out where you get up with the baby during the week and he gets up with her on the weekends. But good luck with that too. Sorry honey, it's all part of being a mother.
2007-09-20 15:10:35 · answer #4 · answered by honeybear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Story of my life times two kids.
Don't get me wrong he is a wonderful involved dad but NEVER got up at night or on Saturdays with them. It drove me nuts. I always wanted to go in and squirt him in the face with the formula LOL Tiredness goes hand in hand with being a mom especially to a little one.
And no I do not think it is fair, you should get up the majority of the time since you do not have to work as early but he should do his fair share or take on the weekends for you, but it never happened for me.
Oh and with our first one I did work full time, we left the house within 15 minutes of one another, I did not stay home until the end of my second pregnancy.
2007-09-20 15:26:49 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both had a hand in bringing the child into the world. Therefore you should both have a hand in raising the child. He needs to help. Figure out a schedule. Something. It's not fair that just because you are the mother you have to do everything. You are both working. You are both tired.
Good luck! Hope that she starts sleeping better soon!
2007-09-20 15:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by mistygoering 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to Motherhood.
I have three kids, oldest is 8, middle is 5 and youngest who is almost 9 months and still gets up usually once a night.
Here's what I have learned -
I have pretty much gotten up by myself with all three of them during their first year - year and 1/2. After they get into their big boy/girl bed - guess who they get up- Daddy!!!! Funny how that works out huh? So, yes, I did all the hard work and the late night feedings, etc. But, he's the one who gets up with them now when they're sick in the middle of the night, when they have a bad dream, when they have to pee, etc. I just keep right on snoozing. I paid my dues already - it's his turn!!!
Hang in there! If possible - take a nap during the day!
2007-09-20 14:53:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Is he there to help at all during the day/ evening? Are you able to catch a few hours of uninterrupted sleep while he takes care of baby?
One thing that worked for us in the early days: My hubby liked to stay up late anyway (he's a gamer...always on that darn computer) So I'd feed dd then from about 8:ish to 11:ish I'd nap and he would take her. (She'd sleep for most of the time anyway, but if she fussed or needed a diaper change, he took care of it). Around 11:ish I would take her again for another feeding. Then he would take her until 1:ish and I would nap again till then. Around 1:ish I would feed her again and then she'd stay in bed with me. Hubby would either come to bed at that time or go back to gaming for another hr our so.
DD has always slept with us. It just made our nights SOOO much easier. I didn't have to keep getting up to feed her...I'd just roll over (usually still asleep, lol) and feed her. We both had our full nights rest. We were pretty much in sync from the start. We also took naps at the same times during the day. This schedule kept me from going insane from sleep deprivation, lol.
DD is now 14months. We have both slept through the night since she was about 6 months (unless she's teething or if I've had dairy)
Something else that helped us: an Amby Baby Hammock. we got ours from eBay for a great price. Check them out at http://www.ambybaby.com
2007-09-20 14:57:05 · answer #8 · answered by Green Is Sexxxy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband worked 4- 10 hour shifts so he had Fri, Sat, and Sun off. Thurs, Fri and Sat nights he would get up and feed our son and change his diaper so I could sleep (I still woke up instantly at the sound of my son's cry, but went right back to sleep). Tell your b/f that you need a break and it would help greatly if he would get up with your daughter at least two nights that he has off from work. She is his child too and he needs to help. If he refuses to help just refuse to do anything for him, no laundry, cooking, sex, etc.
2007-09-20 14:51:31 · answer #9 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
and you're letting him get away with this? Good grief he helped you make the baby, now he gets to help with the rest of it too.
I work, my wife stays at home with my son and I certainly don't expect her to be the one to get up to sort him out every night, we take it in turns. You both need your energy for your jobs unfortunately you have a baby, so you're both gonna be tired, it'll pass, but he needs to help you out and take some responsibilty. Next time your son wakes up, kick your boyfriend out of bed and tell him to go sort him out. He's just being a selffish git!
2007-09-20 16:55:23 · answer #10 · answered by James H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋