he only calls his father when he wants money and when every he is home we end up giveing him up to 1000. for his trip home his father see's nothing wrong with this the rest of my step kids are the same they only see there father as a bank. we are having a hard time paying our own bills at home along with having 2 teens at home.
I wish they would just stay the hell out of our lives as they have they own ...they are 24,21,19........I just stay way from home when they are around.
At one time i would play the good little house wife and cook big meals for them and make sure everything was wonderful for them..I would do this for my husband not his kids. now i resent him . help.....
2007-09-20 07:30:17 · 18 answers · asked by b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is definitely something you need to discuss with your husband. I'm sure he has his reasons for wanting to help his kids, just as you have your reasons for wanting them to stay away. Some boundaries definitely need to laid down, and the only way to do that is through communication.
2007-09-20 07:39:41 · answer #1 · answered by corduroymagician 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about your troubles, but when you marry a man (or woman) with children, it is a package deal. Perhaps you could talk with your spouse about your concerns and suggest some things that may help with the problems.. Where the h$$l does he live that it costs $1000 for his return trip? YIKES... buy a train ticket, bus ticket, etc. Having kids does mean that the dad (usually) is the "pocket". Though they are old enough to be on their own mostly, at that age, many kids still need help and some even still live at home! My advice, decide if this is the marriage for you. Talk to your husband and then decide, but NEVER, NEVER come between a parent and their children.
2007-09-20 07:36:45 · answer #2 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real problem is your husband not the children. There isn't anything you can do about it unless your husband agrees to quit being made to feel guilty and being used like a door mat.
You and he need to sit down and have a long discussion about your frustration and about how his children treat him and why he allows it.
I would stress to him that you have children who are minors and living at home that need the money he is giving to his grown children who should be old enough to care for themselves. It is literally taking bread out of your children's mouths. Maybe he hasn't thought of it that way.
Also,when any of his children visit, a time limit of how long they can stay should be made clear in advance and it should be clarified that he needs to have money to get there and to get back home. If he doesn't then it will have to wait until he does.
2007-09-20 07:38:33 · answer #3 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have discovered all of this before you got married.
It is unfortunate that kids are like this and your husband is the enabler. Seems like he's not much of a parent.
I just don't see you getting around this unless your husband is willing to lay down the law.
Finally, all that hatred is just going to eat you up inside and they will still be going strong. Don't waste your time or effort in hating somebody.
Get them all to go to church. (you can laugh but do you have a better solution?)
2007-09-20 07:38:47 · answer #4 · answered by m_c_m_a_n 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL, another panel member and I was just talking about this same issue, step-kids. Girl, i've been in your shoes, done the good little wife, step-mom thing only to be taken advantage of all the time. Wouldn't go there again for nothing.... sorry you're there.
2007-09-20 07:39:55 · answer #5 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a conversation with your husband. Tell him your concerns but leave off the hating the kid part. Just tell him this kid needs to start taking care of his own thing. Tell him that it is starting to affect your life and marriage and you will not continue to live this way.
2007-09-20 07:34:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If these three young people are earning their own income, your husband has no financial responsibility towards them. If they are in full-time education he may have a responsibility for their education/maintenance.
I'm presuming that they each have an income of their own, and that being the case, you need to make it clear to your husband that the family budget cannot sustain that sort of generosity towards his children.
There may be a certain amount of guilt for past mistakes on your husband's part which he tries to make up for in this manner. If so, he needs to put past mistakes behind him, build his relationship with his children based on mutual respect, and concentrate on the financial welfare of his young dependant family. And he's the one who must explain all this to the older children.......he just needs a gentle push in that direction from you!!!!
2007-09-20 07:39:15 · answer #7 · answered by cautious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These stepkids need jobs and a heavier hand from their dad. It won't get any better. These children are ADULTS and should be told that they need to make their own money- end of story. Dad has to try some tough love or he will lose his wife, house and family.
2007-09-20 07:35:53 · answer #8 · answered by Antonio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to stop giving them money. It is up to him not you. You and not helping the situation at all by hating them. Remember that even since they are grown they still need there parents and want there parents there so maybe you need understand before blaming the children for it.
2007-09-20 07:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by kingsgirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Start putting money into another account that only you are on. Every time he gives his kids money give yourself some. If he asks where it is say none of his business. If he can give it away then so can you.
2007-09-20 07:33:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋