why do guys these days seem to have confidence issues?

Question

some of my buddies cant even get the courage to say say to a cute girl, what causes this.

Answer 1

Lots of things. Literally, it can be the Death of a Thousand Small Cuts for some of us. Any one thing can be overcome, but not if there's half a dozen of these things going on at once:

--Work issues. Consider that in most Western cultures, a man is still pretty solidly defined by his answer to the Question: So...what do you Do? (almost always meant, "...for a living, for money?") So if a man's been recently downsized, outsourced, or is working a job he hates, or that he gets paid *peanuts* for, or he's *underemployed* (not finding enough work to make a living), yeah, it's going to ding the confidence, especially where women are somewhat *encouraged* to look for Success Objects with their men.

--Body issues. This used to be a woman's issue mainly, but more and more these days, guys are feeling pressured by the Media to "be buff" or to "use the Axe (deodorant)" or whatnot. This pressure was *always here* to some degree with short guys (since women date tall) or chubby/fat guys (since the pressure is to date skinny on both sides), but any more these days...you can't win. If you try too hard, you're a "metrosexual" and a joke. If you don't try at all, people tell you "you stink" regardless of your actual hygiene, or they treat you like you're invisible.

--Lack of Social Skill issues. More and more, guys are growing up in single-parent households and that single parent is *Mom*. And she tries, really, but she's *not* going to be interested in teaching her sons how to be smooth with the ladies. If anything (from my own experience as the only boy growing up in a single-mother household), the tendency is to teach young men to be meek and submissive to a *fault* because the alternative--males asserting power--scares women who confuse assertiveness with aggression (and violence).

--And....some men grow up with Emotional Issues too. Maybe they *needed* a father in their lives. Maybe they had no friends growing up. Maybe they *learned* the Wrong Lesson in P.E. Class, as I did being That Fat Kid With Glasses And Asthma: That the Strong Rule with an Iron Fist and that Life is a Meat Grinder for the Rest of Us.

*Any* emotional issue, whether it's in need of psychiatric treatment or not, is going to make dating situations *awkward*, because Opposites Attract....meaning in this case, the Troubled look for Stable women, who are in turn likely to *turn them away* for Being Troubled.

--Lack of Adaption to Changes. This one is a toughie. Basically what it boils down to is: in the 20th century, this thing called *feminism* not only came into effect but in many ways changed women *radically*, both for better and for worse. Some men, however, haven't really kept up, and it's been 2, 3 whole *generations now*, so you get boys and young men *raised* on the one, old-school girly-girl model of a woman's behavior, and then they find out, well, no, women are *DIfferent* these days, to the point that some *Paralysis* happens.

Just one small example of this kind of issue. Do you let yourself *look* at women you find attractive? Do you *risk* having someone tell you "you're staring" or "you're invading her space" or "you're undressing her with your eyes"? Or do you not look, and risk not making needed eye contact, and in turn not *connect* as a social entity? Because with *some* women, they *want you* to look....but with others, looking is some sort of "harrassment" these days. It's a fine line to walk and *nobody's* giving out clues here.

And those are just the big ones.

That doesn't count how people lie and deceive on the Internet and by text-messaging, or how dress codes change nearly *week to week* sometimes for some people, or how *some* women will get hair-trigger on just about *any* issue....for whatever reason.

And it doesn't count the single biggest thing either.

--Sometimes...People Have Bad Days. Maybe shaving didn't quite work, or maybe the new deodorant stained the shirt, or maybe the caffiene hasn't hit yet, or maybe you've had to deal with mean, unfair people today....

Sometimes....people, men and women alike, have days where the confidence just *isn't* there because they are having an Ugly Day.

And the problem with this is? *lol* ^_^ For some of us, *those* are the days when women See Fit to Show Up. This happened to me just yesterday. It was a hot, bothersome day at my end, and all I really wanted was a cold Pepsi or two from the pop machine in my building....but that damn stupid *piece of garbage* machine wouldn't *take my money*, period. Not nickels, dimes, or quarters. I spent half an hour trying, stewing, getting more and more peeved.

I finally gave up and went somewhere to snag a 2-liter....and wouldn't you know it, *now* that I was annoyed, angry and upset, *that* is when I ran into the 20-something women with their decollete thing going on. -_- I ran into the cute women at *the worst* time, when I was feeling miserable and unsociable.

And I think that sort of thing happens a *lot*. Women show up, and they end up being *available* at the *exact time* we *are not*.

I hope this helps....thanks for your time. ^_^

Answer 2

i think of the final ingredient you're able to do is confer with a completely qualified concellor, you ought to bypass to your close by GP and that they could refer you to somebody who's risk-free and robust at their interest, it is robust that a number of those emotions are commencing as much as bypass away comprehend yet you have been via one in each and every of those difficult time that i think you like a splash greater beneficial help via, everybody does, I even have had councelling two times so far (i'm not even 18!) not something rather undesirable has surpassed off to me yet I only mandatory somebody to speak too approximately stuff (i think of everybody could desire to bypass via concelling a minimum of as quickly as of their life) you are able to tell them something and that they are confidentail. they could help you comprehend why you sense like this and grant you with common ways that should assist you cope. you're additionally so luckly to have a boyfriend that looks to care approximately you lots, (while you're apprehensive approximately going to the GP via your self you ought to ask him to come back alongside) he does not say any of thoes issues to you if he did not mean it he could only attempt and sidestep the convastion. not all boys are after intercourse, they could think of roughly it (this is truthfully widely used) yet not prefer to bypass each and each of how yet so do not concern. additionally your scars are portion of your life, in case you do get apprehensive approximately them there are particular make up and coconut oil and coconut butter from Boots can consistently help. solid success desire this helpsxxxxxxx additionally James C there is no could desire to convey Iraq into this, their lives are rather difficult yet completely diverse to ours, if somebody is feeling fairly unhappy and coffee in self assurance comparing there life to Iraq won't do anthing, it does not have achieved something for me whilst i became dealing with my difficult time.