Okay so techinally hes not my ex but we are seperated and our daughter stays with me. He sees her sometimes but today he told me his family was planning an outing at an amusement park and he was taking Ava this Saturday but I already made plans for me and her to go with my new guy and his kids to go on his family's horse farm. I don't know what to do but I'm furious that he waited until the last minute and didn't even ask but instead TOLD me he was taking her. I was thinking of not even opening the door when he came to get her. What do you think?
2007-09-20 06:28:38 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to get the visitation schedule set in stone now. I have custody of my son, but my ex gets him every other week, & if he asks in time, we can switch or make special arrangements. He is also allowed to see him for two hours tues & thurs nites. I moved as far as I could & he has to travel 30 miles just to see him for 2 hours during the week! I was hoping the distance would turn him off, but he has only cancelled a few times...darn!
Who had her the week before? You may have to start talking, or emailing or something so this doesn't happen again!
& talk to a lawyer! It seems like it is about time!
2007-09-20 06:36:40 · answer #1 · answered by fairly smart 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its very hard when emotions get involved, but try to take a step back, then take a deep breath. Don't use your daughter to try to punish your ex for anything...that only ends up putting the child in the middle and essentially punishing HER! You are fortunate that her father is taking an interest in her and wants to have a relationship with her at all...so many just walk off and leave their kids like they were kittens or puppies. Is the issue really about Ava going to the horse farm this Saturday or is it about your ex being a bit inconsiderate about not "asking" you what your plans were? Why not let Ava decide what she wants to do (with no pressure or judgement on your part). After all, she does love her Dad too!
2007-09-20 13:39:57 · answer #2 · answered by Ann 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you legally separated or just separated? A legal separation would outline the conditions of a joint custody arrangement with you as the custodial parent. If you have not done that you certainly should. As her father he has every right and the fact that you are not divorced (oir legally separated, if that is the case) doesn't give you much room for negotiation. He may also be reacting to the fact that he found out you are already in another relationship and was taking his daughter to join your new man and his kids. Not really very wise on your part, especially given the fact you are still legally married.
2007-09-20 13:38:31 · answer #3 · answered by JD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, the problem is you say (your Child) she is both of yours, you both should set up visitation so these types of things won't happen, but your daughter needs to see her dad and if you do this thing and don't answer the door you are going to cause problems for yourself, if your daughter sees him and you don't answer the door she will be upset at you. And this will cause problems with your ex, call him see what time he is going and when he is bringing her back you may be able to change your plans or he may be able to change his. My main suggestion is to get a game plan (visitation)
so your daughter doesn't become the(ball) in the divorce game..Good luck
2007-09-20 13:47:43 · answer #4 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look remember that regardless of your feeling towards him he is still her father and will always be. Forget about your plans with her for a moment and think where she would be happier that day. Her dad. And as much as you want to introduce her to your new man and his kids. She first needs that time with her father. Remember you are fortunate to see your daughter everyday all day. Your husband is not that fortunate. I think that you should let her go this time and sit down with your ex (not infront of your daughter) and explain to him that you both need to have more communication on when you both will be having her. Is going to have her all weekends and you the weekdays? Communication is so important between you two now. Make sure you talk and not punish each other with your daughter. As it is already having divorced parents is hard dont go and make it more difficult for her.
Talk alot. Have a lot of communications. That is the key a healthy relationship with your ex and for you and eventually your daughter too.
Good luck
2007-09-20 13:37:55 · answer #5 · answered by sweetsarah 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I noticed you used the words "Your Child" in your question. Why do parents pretend a child is their property? Your child belongs to you and your ex husband. I don't see what harm it is to let your ex take the child that belongs to both of you to an amusement park. The kid probably would love to go. I think you are just jealous and are using the child as leverage. You will eventually turn the child against you if you do not allow Ava to spend time with her dad.
2007-09-20 13:38:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you don't have a parental agreement, then he has rights too. Why should he be told no? Why would you keep his child from him? If you have legitimate reasons other then because you are angry with him then I would suggest you go get a parenting plan. That way time is divided up. If you don't have BIG plans then ask yourself why am I getting so angry about him wanting to take our daughter. There are so many fathers out there who are not in their child's life. Be glad he still wants that. IT is a good thing dear. Sometimes we have to put our feelings aside and let our children be happy even if we are angry. I always thought about it like this. Will my child have fun? Will it be a fun memory for her to have with her dad? So who am I to stand in the way of her having a wonderful time?
2007-09-20 13:36:20 · answer #7 · answered by dazednconfused 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't really think he needs to ask you to take his own daughter. Are you divorced? If not then he doesn't need your permission to see her. If you want it like that then you should file for soul custody. Otherwise you're just going to have to compromise with him, or your kid will suffer. And don't be a
b-tch & not answer the door when he comes by, because that is just going to cause you a hell of alot more problems than you want.
2007-09-20 14:04:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very difficult situation. It sounds like your ex still wants to be a part of you and your daughters life. I am sure that having your "new man" around is going to push your ex away for good.
You need to ask yourself if you want your ex to be a part of you and your daughters life. Your ex will continue to act out.
Setting up a set visitation schedule is a good start.
2007-09-20 13:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by Rich's 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are only separated and already you have another man? Your daughter would be better off going with dad and being with family. You should really think long and hard about getting your children involved with this new man already. What kid of an example are you setting for them? I see this so often on here. I feel for the kids with all these new people in their lives. You might be ready to move on, but the kids still love their dad and need to be with him every opportunity.
2007-09-20 13:36:26 · answer #10 · answered by gma 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋