My son is being bullied in school but doesnt want me to tell as it will only make it worse, what do i do?

Question

My 11 year old son has been getting into trouble with his teacher as he is trying to be a messer as not to get bullied, and whenever the teachers back is turned and someone makes a noise he gets the blame, he tries telling the teacher it wasnt him but teacher just says I dont want to hear your excuses, in the yard kids are pushing him and calling him small boy. He is really sad about this and said he wishes he was dead. I want to go and talk to the head but he doesnt want me to as he said they will all call him a rat and make matters worse, I said I would speak to the kids involved but he doesnt want me to do this either, what can I do to help him? I am really worried and want to make things better for him.

Answer 1

dont speak to the kids themselves, can you speak to their parents? Or your sons teacher, say YOU feel that he is being unfairly treated by her then you can maybe mention the bullying and see if she has noticed it too? I know your son doesnt want you to say anything but taking matters into your own hands can get out of control and make things worse - a quiet word to guidance teacher or playground attendant to keep an eye on things maybe?
You have my sympathy and hope you manage to resolve this for your sons sake. Bullies are cowards x

Answer 2

You really DO need to do something. First, I would get your son into counseling. The counselor will work a lot of the issues out with your son and help him manage all the things going on at school. Your son is right. If you go to someone, the board, etc., it probably WILL only get worse. A counselor can give him awesome advice on what to do, how to react to all the negative things and offer you advice also. All else fails, seek another school to put your son in, but the issues may still follow him.

When an 11 year old says they wish they were dead, we need to take that seriously. He is in real turmoil. His health, mental and physical, will be affected by the bullying. When the bullying crosses over from students doing it, to teachers doing it, that's an ultimate betrayal on the teachers part. The teacher is there to educate and protect. But the kids bullying your son see that they had the POWER to turn even the teacher. So they will probably NEVER stop until the teacher starts to step forward and take on the proper role.

In my opinion, I would start by getting him some professional help. Attend WITH him occasionally to learn what YOU can do.

Good luck. It's a tough situation and such a vital time in your sons life.

Answer 3

First of all, it is the teacher's job to assure that everyone in his/her class is properly cared for and has an equal chance at an education. If a student is being prevented from acquiring the knowledge he is there to acquire because of disruptions caused by other parties in the room, it is the teacher's responsibility to rectify it. If the teacher is aggravating the problem, either by ignoring the problem or encouraging it by not making it clear to the perpetrators of the crime that such behaviour is unacceptable, then the matter must be taken up with the dean of students or the principal.
I would advise you to first, cleverly get the names of the bullies from your son. If that's not possible, go discreetly to school and observe the kids playing in the playground. That should give you a good indication of who's doing what and if the teachers are properly supervising the youngsters. Armed with this knowledge, go to the dean or the principle and lay it on the table. make it clear that if they refuse to maintain proper control of the delinquents and something happens to your son, that you will sue them for every penny they are worth and then some.
It is very sad, but even teachers are so scared of the bullying of the parents of bullies that they frequently don't intervene. But it is the job of the teacher to watch the kids and the way they interact. Anything less is dereliction of duty.
Remember, do not tell your son you're doing this. And don't let him see you in the school.

Answer 4

You MUST go to the school, don't tell your son that this is what you are doing, inform the head that your soon is being bullied and also that his teacher seems to be singling him out for critcism. Some teachers need to go back to the classroom themselves! They can be so ignorant. Tell the school that if matters do not improve that you will be forced to take things further. Nothing is more important that your child's emotional well being. If you are able ensure that you are around to meet your child from school as sometimes the bullying can escalate around this time. Even if you meet him just down the road this could help him feel more safe. Try and keep a log of incidences that happen so you have something to go back to the school with if things don't improve. Bullies need to be challenged on their behaviour early on otherwise they just get worse. But I do not think it is wise for you to go to the parents yourself as they can often be either very defensive or completely deluded! Very best of luck to you and your son x

Answer 5

Take it to the school principal, ask for a mediation between your son, yourself and the teacher.
Perhaps having this laid out on the table in this manner will help the teacher understand the situation for what it is. Assuming it was your son instead of watching his class properly, as well as the playground aides are there any?

My 8 year old went through this, he also insisted I didnt take it to the teacher or anyone at the school, But I didnt want the situation to escalate any worse than it could possibly be and I didnt want my son to pay emotionally for it.
Take it to the principal, and if that doesnt help, keep escalating.

Answer 6

Talk to the teacher immediately, and if necessary the principal. Discuss what is happening and what the school's bullying policy and anit-bullying program is. If they don't have one suggest they start one. Tell them that your son doesn't know you are coming to them. They have probably dealth with this situation before. Do not try to talk to the kids, not only will it have a good chance of getting you into trouble, it will probably also make it worse for your son. Unfortunately you are not likely to get much satisfaction for the parents either. Most parents of bullies are in denial (when my kindergarten aged daughter was being bullied by a 5th grade boy his mother wanted to know what my daughter was doing to provoke her son!). Try reading Barbara Coloroso's book The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander. Good luck, I know it's not fun.

Answer 7

You need to speak to the teacher about keeping a closer eye on his class. I hate ignorant teachers that just turn a blind eye to harassment in the classroom. Same goes for bus drivers. My sister had a purse stolen from her desk when the teacher sent her to the office to get something. He let the students leave the classroom at the end of the class instead of making whomever stole it put it back. The next day my mom went into the school and told the teacher that if he couldn't control his class that she would hire an undercover cop to do it for him. My sister's purse showed up the next day.

Answer 8

I would have a word with the parents of the children involved, the majority are most understanding and would really want to know if their child was actually the bully. I would also explain to them your child's concerns about them being told so they could implement this when they talk to their child. If all else fails you need to speak to the head of the school so at least they are aware of the situation, and could keep an eye on things.............Been there, i know just how upsetting it is .

Answer 9

I was bullied really bad through school in primary school beacsue i had eczema then in high school because of jealous girls and when i have children if i ever find out they're getting bullied i will take them away from the problem, because the teachers are crap and they basically don't know how to handle things themselves i know its drastic but i would put him in another school i developed so many mental problems from being bullied thankfully i have come through it all but i really would do that if i were you the teachers won't be able to stop it

Answer 10

I know it may be hard but your son needs to realise that this is going to get him nowhere.
If something is not done it will get worse...
Go talk to his principle and explaine the problem...If they don't do anything on the matter get in touch with the other boys parents.
Why don't you ask him to invite one of his friends over?
I really sympatise with him but the sooner he stands up for himself or something is done the better...
Ive been in situations like this myself and if nothing is done about it it will only just get worse.
Try talking to him all the time to help get his self'esteem up...Although i'm sure you're already doing this...
If your son is really talking about stuff like he wishes he was dead I would go f**king mental.kids like these really make me angry bullying other people.
Just a suggestion...If it doesn't stop maybe consider changing his school?
Really hope all works out for him...