I recently found out that me husband has been communicating with a woman who he claims is his friend. They talk 10 to 20 times on the phone all day long. He says she is just a friend but I can't understand what they have toi talk about so often and for long periods of time, considering the fact that we don't talk that much. He rarely ever calls me on the phone during the day while he is a work. I am paranoid and confused. He siad he will stop speaking to her but i don't know what to believe anymore. Let me know what you think.
2007-09-20 04:13:32 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dealt with the same thing. All of a sudden my husband was speaking to an ex-girlfriend for 6 months before I found out. I was devastated. It has been a year now and I still do not trust him nor have I forgiven him. He has stopped talking to her but I couldn't understand why he wanted to in the first place, and still can't.We talk all the time and have a good relationship.anyway, trust is important in a marriage and he has broken that. You have to make a decision to forgive him and move on. I still haven't told my husband I forgive him because I am not ready too. He does let me talk about it when I need too. I have founs some counseling has helped. I am trying to move forward. You need to do the same. Sounds like the two of you have a communication problem already and he went elsewhere to discuss his feelings. I wish you luck, it is a long road, but if you love each other the obstacle can be overcome. Remember marriage is not easy, its a journey where you k eep discovering each other along the way. For better or worse.
2007-09-20 04:31:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely suspect something of this situation. You are right that is a lot of times per day to be talking to "a friend." But if he says he will break contact with her then he obviously respects you and thinks that you are more important. That is admirable! Communicate with him and continue to let him know how you feel. I'd watch the phone bill to make sure he has stopped talking with her and it isn't do it behind your back. Also, I'd check the bill for numbers you do not recognize that could be something to be concerned about. It sounds like he cares and loves you a lot. By breaking ties he is putting you first and trying to save his marriage. Give him the benefit of the doubt for that. Be careful though. You can't be too cautious. I hope the two of you work things through. Best of luck!
2007-09-20 04:36:46 · answer #2 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for the way you feel. Talk to your husband and let him know that his talking to this woman so often bothers you. Make him know that you understand that he can have "woman friends", but he needs to cut down on talking to her. If you tell him he needs to stop talking to her, it will come across as you being jealous even though what he is doing totally wrong.
Let him know that you would like a call from him at least once a day when he is at work because you miss him. Even if he is the wrong, he is going to get defensive if you say what he is doing is wrong, So best course of action is to win back him by making him spend more time with you. Tell him that you two would have more quality time together if he can cut down on his talking to her
If he doesnt want to change, then it is time for some tough choices.
Good luck
2007-09-20 04:30:26 · answer #3 · answered by Traveller4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone prefers to talk with another 10-20x/day and not their wife, there is something very wrong. She's apparantly a VERY good friend. You may be confused, but you are not paranoid. He is basically cheating on you. That is not a part of marriage. Let him know that you will NOT accept this behavior. If he enjoys her so much more than you, then he can be with her. You dont need that kind of nonsense in your life. Stop it b4 it goes any further.
2007-09-20 04:27:54 · answer #4 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why this would be upsetting and hurtful. I have zero tolerence for things like this and other things I feel would be disrespectful to me. The first thing I would do is not talk to him at all, my line of thinking would be that if needs something or someone to talk to he is not calling me so have him call someone else for EVERYTHING else.
The second thing I would do is call this woman, introduce myself and make her well aware that you know they are talking and that he has a wife, and what the deal is between them. IF she is just his friend YOU should know all his friends and HE should know all of yours. That is what a couple is about no secrets.
Then I would do exactly what he is doing. When he calls tell him your talking with Bob your new friend and you will have to get back to him. Blowing him off for another guy to talk to will let him know how you feel.
If you don't nip it in the bud it may turn into something else.
2007-09-20 04:22:54 · answer #5 · answered by Kathleen B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is such a fine line between male and female friendships. My closest friends are guys. I've always been that way. It's gotten me into trouble a few times, when I was younger. I'm married now, and my husband is completely accepting of my guy friends, but I definitely think there is a little twinge of jealousy there and I can't say I blame him. Our spouses/significant others cannot fulfill all of our needs, it's just not possible and unreasonable to think they can. Other perspectives and relationships are healthy... but you have to be very very careful. When you start sharing your inner most thoughts and feelings with your "friend" and not your significant other, that is a danger sign. That happened to me with my best friend Brent. But the lesson learned from that was I was not happy in my relationship. In my marriage, a lot that I shared with Brent, I share with my husband. Brent and I are still close, but our friendship has evolved into something different. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to make "new male friends" now that I am married, but the ones I came with, are staying. Nor do I think my husband coming home one day saying "i met this great girl today, she's really cool, we're going to have lunch on Thursday" would be appropriate. The fact that you said you "found out" makes me a little nervous. I never hid any of my male friends. In fact, I was excited and proud to tell my husband about them and couldn't wait for him to meet them. So obviously this girl did not "come with your marriage" - I think you have reason to be concerned, but the last thing you want to do is come off completely insecure, demanding, accusatory, or anything like that. Be calm and tell him this concerns you and encourage him to open up to you, but make it safe for him, and if he does tell you"something" the goal is to resolve it, (unless he tells you worst case scenario) keep that in mind....good luck
2007-09-20 04:30:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is up to no good. 10 to 20 times a day talking on the phone with a woman friend is setting up the relationship to become more than just friends. It appears that he enjoys more of what she has to say and talk about with her than you! He and this woman are setting up the scenario of temptation to cheat on you and you need to put a stop to their relationship and say hell no and thats the bottom line!!!!
2007-09-20 04:31:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lets not blow things off proportion. Though the frequency of calls is a bit hair raising. Marriage is a long long relationship...tomorrow it may be you seeking out some other guy for a conversation depending on how vulnerable you are. Invite this lady over for tea, dinner etc if there is a love affair, you will definitely see it if not then the excitement will die off and your husband will be yours again.
2007-09-20 04:30:05 · answer #8 · answered by lavagal.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he offered to quit talking with her you tell him thats exactly what you want, if he does, then it may be done, if he balks about having to quit speaking to her then he is guilty. I think he is up to no good, men hate being on the phone unless its a new girlfriend. Think back to when you two were just starting to date I bet you heard from him alot and had long conversations.
2007-09-20 04:28:01 · answer #9 · answered by lucidwillow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him how he would feel if it was you talking to some guy all day. Ask him what they talk about. Ask him why doesn't he have anything of interest to talk to you for that amount of time. I think he is very insensitive. Maybe he can let you talk to her if she is that interesting and that should spark up a conversation for you. Just tell him you feel disrespected. If he loves you, that should be enough. Good luck sweetie
2007-09-20 04:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by mowsermae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋