Should i speak to my aunt regarding the relationship?

Question

When i was 15 years old my aunt came to our place for search of job at that time she was 21 and she came from village. As i was younger, we used to sleep in the same room. one day while i was sleeping she storked my penis thinking that iam asleep but i was awake and feeling very embarrsed so did not had the guts to open my eyes. After sometime of stroking by her i felt like heaven. From that time onwards we used to had sex at night time both used to act as we are asleep. when she used to do some thing with me i used to act sleeping when i used to something with her she used to act sleeping. but in the day time we used to behave like normal aunt and nephew, It continued for 2 years after that she got married and left this place and settled in another town. its 10 years now.Recently her husband posted near to my place. so frequently she visits my home and have good rappo with my folks. I feel very embarrsed when i speak to her now.

most of the times i avoid talking to her. but on otherside she doesnt feel anything she speaks to me freely as nothing has happened. Iam really embarrsed while speaking to her before my family members. Should i speak to her about what has happened and reduce my embrassment. Her present status is she completed 10 years of marriage life and she had two daughthers one 7 and another 4 years old.

Answer 1

Well whether you realise it or not, you are a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse. Just because you were 15 or enjoyed it, does not make it your fault. She is your aunt and she was an adult and she knew that what she was doing was wrong.

Lots of people think it's "lucky" for a teenage boy to have this kind of experience but it IS an abuse experience because the adult is using you for her gratification.

Your confusion is very natural. Many men who were abused as boys have this confusion.

"To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and damaging. Premature sex, whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a position of power over a boy, can cause confusion, rage, depression or other problems, both in childhood and later in life."

I work with men and women who were abused in childhood and my website Askios is all about that, I have a special page for male survivors with information and links to other sites.

Please don't ignore this as others suggested, but at the same time, don't feel obliged to confront her, as this could be painful without being properly prepared. Also, don't feel like you have to be nice to her. No matter how nice it felt, she still used and abused you. Just because she is a woman is no excuse. If it was the other way around - if it was a 15 yr old girl and she was the 21 yr old uncle - it is immediately seen as abusive behaviour, and just because she is a woman doesn't make it different. She has abused you.

You don't have to continue living like this with confusion and unsettled feelings. Most survivors of abuse will have long term effects of depression, anger, shame, guilt, and many go on to have problems with alcohol/drugs, relationships, and other issues. So I hope you will take the step to educate and inform yourself so that you can move on and live a happier life.

Some people say "forget it", or "put it behind you" but what that really means is "please don't talk about it because it makes everyone uncomfortable". But that is not forgetting .. that is just repressing it, stuffing it inside your head where it stays and rots and poisons you. Real forgiving/forgetting can only happen if you face it, process it and then move on. Otherwise you will always carry that baggage around you even if you pretend it's not there you will be dragging this burden around with you.

You are not alone in this. This kind of abuse happens more often than you know, but 90% of guys never talk about it. Nowadays more men are coming out to talk about it and do something to regain their personal power .. so you should be proud that you had the courage to come forward and talk about this issue. That is one of the first steps of healing.

My website has a lot of info and resources, especially related to India, check it out. Also as far as I know, Askios is the only resource in the country that focuses on male as well as female survivors.

Answer 2

You should remember that whatever you have done in past she is also agreed with you and enjoyed you.You won`t force her to do that.
When she doesn`t feel that nothing is happen so why are you embarrassed just feel free and talk to her normally that`s the past.

Answer 3

Talk to her let her know whats going on so you can release that stress off of you before the problem gets any worse

Answer 4

you should talk to her and say things like we were young and stupid and just ask her to keep it as a secret (and ask her if she told anyone about that... to find out if your parents or her husband knows... it'll help you behave in front of them) and you'll talk a few about that and naturally this talk will make you feel better about this. i'm sure that talking to her will be the best thing to do. good luck!

Answer 5

Past is history, forget about it and look into the future for something new. Life is short make it sweet.

Answer 6

Now that she has children I would let it lie there is too much at risk.

Answer 7

Please donot ask her of the past happened.

You are lucky to have teen age satisfaction at that age. u are so lucky.

Leave that up to that as a feeling. Be decent and cultured.

Answer 8

THIS MEMORY IS SIMILAR TO WHAT MANY PEOPLE HAVE. IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES. BEST IDEA IS TO TUCK IT AWAY IN SOME MENTAL COMPARTMENT AND NEVER SAY A WORD. SHE KNOWS YOU REMEMBER AND IS TRUSTING YOU TO KEEP QUIET.