My Husbands Words mean NOTHING..its his actions i dont see.?

Question

I have been married 5 yrs and we havent had a good relationship bc right at the start of our marriage he got depression lots his job, was on tranquilisers and took him 2 yrs to get a job again. The reason was bc for 7 yrs he wasnt doing what he wanted to do bc he wanted to make me happy. I used to ask him things but he always said he was fine. Now 5 yrs into our marriage we always fight bc he contiunally works late, every weekend is out to sports events and nothing gets done around the house..eg establish our garden, organise a fence wall, put blinds in bathroom instaed of sheets, build our wardroom shelves so clothes arent everywhere...so my point is..these things dont get down the list grows and we fight. All bc he has other priorities in his life...WATCHING SPORT.Ive told him to comprise but he doesnti feel there is no love in the marriage..i keep trying to talk to him and all he constantly says is...things will get better..how much longer do i wait..bc it never happens..

Answer 1

Instead of relying on him, hire people to do the work. Then when he complains, tell him that you have asked him to do it repeatedly and he is too busy watching sports. He will either say fine, and then do what needs to be done, or keep letting you pay someone else to do it. I would be grateful that he is working! After all, after a dry spell, he may feel the need to overcompensate. Let that one go. But the other, just hire it out!

Answer 2

My fiance simplified the to do list by making it 3 parts.

1) What I want.... I do.
2) What HE wants... HE does.
3) What WE want... WE do.

I happen to be the slacker in the relationship. My motto is "if it isn't broke, it doesn't need fixed." But if it is broke, I want it fixed right away. He is the one who does the garden thing because I am not a gardner and have no interest in being one. I take care of the remodeling/repairs in the home. From time to time when either of us feels a bit generous, we will offer to help the other. Got to be honest with you... those occasions are rare if it isn't on the WE list.

But in all fairness, if I know it is something really important I will find the time to assist. We agreed from the beginning that it just isn't a subject worth a fight. Now we can battle over the important things like who's turn it is to get the back rub or who gets to cook dinner!

Answer 3

I have a feeling that you are nagging him. No wonder he avoids you and things that need done in your home. And as far as expecting him to do all those things, there are few men that are good at that. Like one of the other gals said, grab a screw driver and do it yourself. Hanging shelves is a rather easy thing to do. Blinds are a piece of cake. Also, it sounds like you are very unhappy, but you are expecting him to make it all better. What's with that?! You are responsible for making yourself happy. Calm down and quit criticizing him. It sounds like you could go on all day about the things he does wrong. Take a look at yourself and see what you can improve there first. Watching sports is probably his way of getting away from you.

Answer 4

DID you KNOW he was a sports freak B4 you married him? Did you KNOW he was a procrastinator B4 you married him? Were YOU aware of ANY of his disagreeable "traits" B4?? IF you say YES, they you should not have married him, and should NOT stay married now.

All the nagging in the world will NOT get him off his behind any quicker - it will only make matters WORSE, because NOW you have to defend your nagging!!! I TOTALLY understand your frustrations, BUT, you are going to have to ACCEPT his downfalls and deal with some issues yourself - TRY THIS - call several contractors, and get WRITTEN estimates - give the estimates to him and ASK him which one HE wants you to hire to get his unfinished jobs done. He will either pick one, or get off his behind and do it himself. I did this, and it WORKED.

As for the SPORTS, I suggest you FIND SOMETHING YOU ENJOY and go there, or do it, when he chooses to bury himself in the sports. DO NOT just hang around and whine - find your OWN entertainment. My husband occasionally wants to watch certain sports that I loath, so I grab his credit card and disappear - notice I said "occasionally" - he used to watch games more often, but quickly learned it was too expensive!!!! Hey, you want THIS, so I am going to do THIS because I want it!! What is good for the gander, is good for the goose - unlike SEVERAL people here, I DO NOT advocate "doing it yourself" - HE started it, let HIM choose WHO is going to finish it. By doing it yourself, he will learn NEVER to get off his behind again - WHY should he if YOU will do it instead?

ANYWAY, hope this helps, and good luck!

Answer 5

So grow up and be a woman. Why can't you do those things yourself? That list made me tired, and to listen to you say things like the clothes are on the floor because "my husband won't put up shelves" is depressing.

Go down to your local hardware chain and take some classes on home repairs and projects. Do it yourself. You might find yourself empowered and not dependent on anyone but yourself instead of expecting your husband to do something he's obviously not going to.

Then get into couples counseling. You're obviously mad at your husband for letting you down, and you need a constructive way of handling that other than nagging him.

Answer 6

how about doing some of the stuff yourself instead of having him do it. He spent 7 years at a job to make you happy and provide for you. And your letting sheets stay up in the bathroom instead of just putting up the blinds yourself...classy. From what I've read it sounds like you want a change but you want to just talk your way through it. Why don't you grab a screw driver and say hunny I'm putting up the blinds can you help me. If he doesnt he doesnt either way blinds go up, and your mood improves and the fighting goes down and maybe just maybe both of you interact better

Answer 7

He had been depressed since after the marriage .Look here, he is your man ,cool down and be very gentle with him .He is trying to break the marriage but your subtle attitude and perssuasion will safe the near collapsed marriage.Use your woman's approach and if all fails,get a friend of his to talk to him, finally let his parents do the magic with their vast experience before the church's intervention

Answer 8

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Answer 9

do you have any where to stay for a while? if so tell him you will be gone until he desides what is more important in his life,his wife and home,or his friends and sports ? then when he doesnt have you around doing all the house things and everything else starts closing in around him without you there ,he might open his eyes.

Answer 10

Does his job involve sports? Just wondering. What always works for me is for me to start the project my guy keeps putting off; that will get him taking it over in a split second.