Why do people get embarrased about being around the disabled..?

Question

I have a twin sister... (Alaia) and shes profoundly deaf... (I like to talk bout her a lot cos shes my hero!)

We just went to the store and while there she wanted to buy a drink...She picked it up, went up to the pay point and as she can lip read, better than I can talk nearly!! (lol) she looked at the woman (who was like 50..) and waited for her to ask for the money...But instead, this woman just looks at me and says it to me!!

Alaia was so angry, but as she cant speak well enough for people out of the family to understand, she just slammed her hand on the counter and the woman serving just said...Oh no shes angry, poor her..'

I couldnt beleive her ignorance, yeah, she was very angry, she walked out the store without the drink and now shes upstairs in our room and shes crying and looks so sad, which is awful, cos shes so happy...
Its not the 1st time by a long way, but I think she is just getting really tired of being different in other peoples eyes..
Help me help her!

EDIT: Lex..

When someone is deaf they wear what is known as hearing aids...They are comprised of an ear piece a piece of tubing and a hearing aid, the hearing aid sits over the back of each of her ears, they are about the size of a thumb.. They are not invisable, they are pinky coloured.

My sister and I communicate using something called Sign language...Its when you talk not using your voice, its using your hands instead...can I point out again, this is not an invisable process, people can see this happening... SO I expect with those two things, the woman may have seen a deaf person before and known she was...

As for the rest of your question its daft and does not jusitfy a logical answer. You angry individual

further more.

She can speak, but as a deaf person, her voice is not clear enough for people who are not familiar with her voice to understand and she is understandably self concious about it. As i have grown up with her, I understand what sounds and shapes she makes with her mouth to know what she is saying.

I was brought up in a mannered society, where by you purchase something and the person would say

'thats 99p please' she was unaware I imagine of the exact cost of the item and so waited so as to give her the right amount of money...

Very very rude.

Do not answer any of my questions again. Take your poison elsewhere

CAB: I know that. But I was asking a question about my sister. She does wear hearing aids and I was pointing out to the man who very rudely and bizarely accused me of making it up.

I am fully awate of ITE, Concha aids, however, my sister wears two BTE models, because she hears a few things and it helps with her speech.

Answer 1

some people are just shallow

Answer 2

I don't understand the story. How did the woman know your sister was deaf? Unless she did in fact ask for the money and your sister didn't hear her. In which case it's only natural for her to ask you.

Again, I don't understand the story. How did the woman know she was deaf?

Yeah I just reread your story and it sounds like a lie to me.
First of all, can your sister also not speak? If she can't then I can understand her just standing there waiting for the woman to ask her for money. But I am not deaf and I am not dumb, but sometimes the cashiers don't say "please pay me now", they just assume that since you know, you are trying to buy something, that you know you need to pay. And almost everywhere has the amount on the computer display so you don't even have to ask how much. However, if I were your sister, and I could speak, I would simply have said, "How much do I owe you?". Problem solved. Why did you both sit there staring at the chick like idiots? It has nothing to do with being deaf so it makes no sense.
So I guess the question is is your sister both deaf and dumb or just deaf? Because I know some people who are deaf can't speak and some can. Anyway, it just sounds like a misunderstanding to me, if it even happened.

Answer 3

I know how Alaia feels I'm disabled as well. Though I'm only on crutches long term people look past the children and I when in supermarkets and other places when needing paid. I eventually asked one day if I was invisible, the woman went red faced.

I honestly think the biggest problem is that people don'nt know how to act with disabled but I do wish that people would stop treating us as though we're invisible.

I'm a single mother and like Alaia like to pay things and do a lot of things for myself ie pay in a store.

I find it's not discrimination though in a lot of places but ignorance. I've had this for 15 years that people don't know what to say and friends find it harder when I tell them I don't want them if they are going to treat me different.

Tell her she's not different but like thousands of others out there she can't help the narrow mindedness of others who cant see the heart and person behind the disability.

Hope this helps you to show her she's not alone in this

I'm sorry lex felt the need to jeer at something that happens every day in life with disabled people and not just the deaf but the supermarkers and stores here where i stay still tell us how much we need to pay.

I happen to think this is a good honest question that crops up in the minds of many disabled people and applaud this person for asking it

Answer 4

First off i want to correct the fact that not every deaf person wears a hearing aid, and not every hearing aid sits behind the ear, so its not always easy to tell when a person is deaf unless your looking very closley.

I myself wear 2 hearing aids yet i can speak as clearly as the person standing next to me, and the amount of people who shout when there speaking to me or they look to my husband is unreal,

Tell your sister shes not alone in this world and to hold her head high, shes a remarkable women for getting this far in life with her problem and she shouldnt let a few ignorant people stand in her way. and if need be to make a complaint to management of the store for the clerks ignorace.

HTH

Answer 5

People can be so cruel with out even realising they are doing it!
It boils down to ignorance and sadly some folk are just to set in their ways to change or indeed don't want to.
I understand where you are coming from, my late Dad suffered from Parkinson's Disease, and as a result his speech sounded a little slurred, people were so shallow they would speak s-l-o-w-l-y and LOUD!! He used to say, Ive got Parkinson's, I am not bloody stupid! It did embarrass some people into apologising sometimes!
I have worked with children with speech and hearing problems, (my own son had hearing difficulties when he was smaller) and I can not see how people cannot see through a disability and see the real person inside or underneath!!

Answer 6

There used to be a radio programme called 'does he take sugar' which dealt with these kind of issues and ignorance.
Here's a poem ( or maybe Rap song ) Alaia might appreciate

"Does he take sugar in his tea?"
Hello; why not ask me?
I might have a disability,
But to answer for myself I still have the ability.
Just because I'm in a wheelchair!
It's not that people don't care.
That much I know,
But it's a problem wherever I go!
"Just 'cos I'm not stood up like you:
"Does not mean there is very little for myself that I can do."
Some people think we're sick
And others a little bit thick.
"Well, how many O levels have you got?"
"As many as me, I'll bet not!
I also have a university honours degree!
A brainy sod that's me.
To my mum people will say: "Is this your son?"
"Tell me, how's he getting on?"
Mum's reply is: "Well he's certainly not dim,"
"So why don't you ask him?"

Answer 7

Hate to break this to you, but she is different...she's deaf. Not all deaf people can read lips, and not people are clairvoyant, nor can all people sign. Maybe this woman has never been exposed to a deaf person, she surely doesn't know she can read lips. How do you think Stephen Hawking feels, the guy is a carrot with a brain. Do you think people he hasn't met before treated him different. I would venture to say...yes. I think your sister will just have to accept that people will always treat her different until people get to know her. It's not the cashiers fault.

Answer 8

Honey it is ignorance and it is widespread. If it happens again ask her why is she talking to you, it isn't your drink. Maybe talking to a manager would help some. Explaining that they are discriminating against her might help also. But unfortunately most of the things that can be done are going to make people defensive. Telling the cashier that she hurt her feelings by ignoring her and turning to you might have worked but that depends on the intelligence level of the cashier. Sorry. Best I can do.

Answer 9

I agree with JIM G. It is even worse so for the developmentally disabled. I was at a dept store one day and a woman was in there with her adult DD child. He had a pretty severe disability and the woman at the cash looked at me and said, " why is God so cruel to create people like that, it must be such a burden" I must have turned dark red and I can't remember my exact words but I went off on her pretty badly unfortunatly for her ignorance. My best friends son has a quite severe case of Autism. He is one of my most favorite people in the world. Because he has the mom he has and she has the friends and support she has this child has come wayyyy further then every expected. He brings so much joy to my life, my husbands and all of my children. We treat him the same as we treat his siblings and so do my children. People need to stop looking at the problems with disabilities and start looking at the blessings these people can bring to our lives. Your sister is one lucky gal to have you as a sister. Thanks for your story!!

Answer 10

sometimes people are just not sure how to react, not all people are as shallow as this, your sister is very blessed to have such a great sister as you, i wish i could give your sister a big hug and let her know that there are some of us out there who treat all people the same no matter what their disability, your sister is a human being and deserves the same respect as the next person, unfortunately your sister is going to face this prejudice in her life, i remember being in a shop and there was a deaf person getting the same sort of treatment, to my surprise she suddenly pulled out a bit of paper and gave it to the shop assistant, it said " i may be deaf but I'm not stupid" everyone in the shop thought this was a great way to deal with, so next time someone treats your sister this way just tell them shes not an idiot and is more than capable of buying her own stuff, watch how quickly they take her money then. sorry i can't make your sister feel better and you have every right to feel mad but with a wonderful sister like you I'm sure you can make her see how special she is and it is the other peoples problem, good luck honey, bid hugs for your sister, hope it all works out for you both.

Answer 11

I don't know! My mum had breathing problems so couldn't walk. I would taker her out in a wheelchair when we went shopping/Restaurants etc. What maddened me was the fact that, and if in a wheelchair, she was as bright as a button! Yet of all shop staff, restaurant staff would all talk to me and not her. I remember one a few occasions, mum asked for something, shop assistant turned to me and said "Would that be what she'd like" And it made me so angry, i told her to speak to my mum, adding you know she is a person! She was a highly trained and paid executive in a multi national. Because she is now in a wheelchair doesn't mean she's suddenly gone and developed idiocy! On one occasion a shop assistant apologised, other occasions? I just got blank looks.

A lot of people find their eyes and minds attracted to disability. They forget to see the whole picture ... A person, same as themselves, if in a wheelchair. Were they to take more time to realise that, they would not only learn something but also make everyone else's life that little bit better.