My boss and I have been sleeping together for 6 months. His wife is so, so close to finding out and confronting me about it, I don't know what to say if she does.
I am in no way attempting to justify my actions. It felt like such a good idea at the time but I am regretting it immensly now.
I just want to ask advice as to how to apologise to her so that I sound genuine (because I am sorry) and to cause her the lease amount of anguish possible. I am in no way seeking forgiveness because I don't deserve it and what I did is unforgivable. I just don't want to make things worse.
What I really don't want is for their marriage to break up because of me. I know that it was fundamentally his fault for asking, and coercing me into it (to begin with) but that does not excuse my actions when I agreed to pursue it.
Has anyone been cheated on before? I know that no apology could make up for the breach in trust but what did you wish the other man/woman had said to you?
2007-09-20 00:17:11 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Guys, I'm 18 and he's 41.
2007-09-20 01:11:55 · update #1
You don't say a thing! You seem to have developed a conscious and now regret your actions. Learn from your mistake, then go and sin no more. But confessing to this man's wife will only make things worse--and an apology sure isn't going to help.
Should she confront you, tell her that it's a subject that she needs to take up with her husband and then shut up.
You're correct: What you did was wrong but someday you'll be able to forgive yourself for it. You are young and we all know the young are stupid. Your boss is old enough to know better and it is he that the wife should be the most angry with. If they divorce because of his affair with you, then so be it.
My ex cheated on me and divorced me to marry his then pregnant gf. He has apologized to me numerous times and not one of his apologies has meant squat to me. He ruined my life by his actions but there is no going back. I have forgiven him--but it took two and she knew he was married when she lay down with him. I would never do that to another woman--and neither should you. As I said before, learn from your mistake and never be caught in a situation like it again.
Good luck.
2007-09-20 04:25:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Statistics show that being cheated on causes more pain and angush than rape, death or physical abuse. It can do more harm to a person than almost anything else. And yes, I have been cheated on and went through the lowest part of my entire life; it was the most difficult thing to deal with and heal from.
I don't know what the OW could say to me that would help me. Her words would seem empty to me, as she had a choice to make before she entered into an affair with my husband, and she chose to go ahead. She also did everything she could to get him away from me, though and was a bit of a stalker for awhile.
Guess if I had to say something to her, I would ask her if she has learned a lesson from all of it and that I would hope she would never again cause such pain to another person; a good person who helps others and who was always a trusting, faithful, loving, loyal wife to this man. I would ask her if it was worth it all and tell her I had forgiven her a long time ago; that if I had not done so, I would be holding onto the past; which she is. No amount of apologizing will make her feel any better; you had control over the situation. I would tell you to take full responsibility for your actions and not say it was his fault; you knew better; he did not hold a gun to your head.
You are young; please learn not to hurt anyone else, ever, in this way; it takes them years to get over it and could destroy a family. Also, forgive yourself so you can move on.
2007-09-20 08:54:26 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I where you, I would start looking for a new job. Believe me she does not want to hear an apology from you, that is the farthest thing from her mind. No words will change the fact that her husband has been having an affair, in stead of being home with her and the kids, he was out with some sleaze, doing her. You don't want to hear yourself called names, but that's what you are. You knowingly had an affair with a married man, that had children, whose life will also be affected by your indiscretion. I hope he was good because your life will never be the same. He will beg his wife for forgiveness, ( it costs to get a divorce ) and will blame you for everything that has happened. As I said at the beginning, FIND A NEW JOB!!
2007-09-20 07:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sorry honey but there is no way you can apologize to her for what you have done, regardless of whose fault it was. Stop the affair right now and stay away from her. My husband cheated on me with my friend and I'll tell ya..there is nothing in the world that that woman could ever say or do that would have stopped any of the pain..in fact if I could have gotten away with it..I would have killed her..but she was and is such a sorry excuse for a human being that she wasn't worth losing my kids over... just stop what you are doing and don't let it happen again
2007-09-20 07:27:38 · answer #4 · answered by dances with cats 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you still working with the man? If you were sincere, the first thing you should do is move to another job. I would not contact this woman unless she confronts you. If she confronts you then apologize from the heart and tell her you left/leaving for another job and won't contact him again.
I think the name calling here is useless. You are showing regret and a desire to make amends. I think you should put some distance between you and the man to show there won't be any new infidelities. Don't say anything to the wife unless she confronts you first. Look for someone new and unattached.
Good Luck
2007-09-20 08:09:10 · answer #5 · answered by Big Red 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, STOP SLEEPING WTIH THE MAN!! Shame on your BOSS for putting you in this position, and Shame on you (you are already doing this yourself) for allowing it. Let's make this perfectly clear YOU can not break up their marriage - the man obviously had problems in his marriage before or he is just too selfish to be a good husband. If she does approach you, you are right, all the appologies in the world won't make a difference. Asking her to FORGIVE YOU MAY. Admit you were wrong and ask, tell her that you know it was selfish on your part too (this helps even if you don't think it is - which it happens to be)let yourself be in a relationship with a married man. If she forgives you or not, is up to her. Forgive yourself and move on. This may even mean getting a different job, but it may just be the consequence. And sweetheart, always remember this lesson you have learned, you don't want to be the "other woman" because some day you could be where his wife is right now. Good luck!
2007-09-20 08:01:53 · answer #6 · answered by chefddr 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You were close to accepting responsibility until you said he was wrong for coercing you into it. That statement right there shows you blame him, just a little bit more than yourself for this situation. Yes it was his marriage, so ultimately his responsibility to keep his vows, but it's a complete cop out to say you were coerced. You knew he was married and you jumped into this with your eyes wide open. So if the marriage does dissolve, you will be partly responsible for it.
If she confronts you, all you can do is answer her questions and apologize for your actions. Don't tell her you didn't want to hurt her, or don't want her to feel pain, or leave her husband, or any of that crap. Just say you are sorry and leave it alone.
I hope you learned a valuable lesson about having affairs with married men and i hope you have stopped with this one. Cause it almost sounds like you are going to keep going until she finds out about it. End it before that happens.
2007-09-20 07:52:28 · answer #7 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first step is to STOP!!!!...you are still sleeping with him...not a good idea to start sleeping with your boss in the best of circumstances but to continue even after you regret it is plain stupid. There is no way you can "apologize" to his wife, I am sure the marriage was rocky before you started sleeping with him (otherwise he wouldn't have pursued it so diligently) but you are an adult and have control over your actions...if he was "coercing" you into having sex with him, you should have brought up sexual harrassment charges against him...now it is too late...you both should be fired for your ethical misconduct...better that you just leave both the "man" and his wife to their lives and get one of your own.
2007-09-20 07:30:24 · answer #8 · answered by kerfitz 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you for real?, this lady doesn't want to hear anything you have to say, not even an apology. Just get out of their life and find another job, as if I was you I would start looking now, because you can kiss that job goodbye.
Whats this crap where you are saying"I don't want to break up their marriage?". Hello you should of thought of this way back when you jumped into bed with her husband. I really hope someone screws around with your new found love in your life, so you get to find out how it feels.
2007-09-20 07:38:44 · answer #9 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are sleeping with her husband and now have a guilty conscience. Or actually sounds like you know your gig is about up so you want to sound sincere in an apology. How about this, don't sleep with him anymore. The damage is done, the trust should be gone. I don't have much pity for you, I really believe in karma and hope you get back what you saw
2007-09-20 07:29:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋