Question for mom's?

Question

I have a 14 year old step son, meal times.. he doesn't eat.. he gorges.
Typical.. I expected it for a teenage boy.
However...me and his father spent over $340 on groceries just for the 3 of us..and I bought certain thing's for myself, just odd thing's.. certain foods that I like..we specifically told him not to go near my thing's.. and he does.
We kept telling him not to.. and he does.. I dont know what to do.. after being told not to go near it.. it all adds up, and I can't afford to keep buying these items just for him to have when there is his own space aside just for him, and he has his own money to do whatever he wants... how do I go about this.. I dont want to put everything under 'lock and key' but I'm seriously considering it :S

Answer 1

This isn't just a food issue but an issue of respect. You shouldn't have to lock your things up.

Your husband and you should make it clear to him that if he invades your food cupboard again without asking, that he will loose priveleges - TV, sports, Video Games, Time out with friends - whatever it that is most meaningful to him - and then follow through.

Actions speak louder than words.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to say you aren't going to like my answer.

Yes, children need to respect boundaries. No, he should not have consumed something you had told him was "yours." Yes, you should address that issue. But for future dealings, I think you should shift your own attitude about the food in your kitchen.

I've never heard of someone having special certain foods in the house that no-one else can have. We don't do that. We all eat the same foods. The kitchen in our home is community property with stores of food laid by for people to eat when they are hungry. It isn't a place to stake out territory. It's food - it's meant to be consumed to sustain the body, not to be hoarded as a special treat.

He's 14 and certainly should know by now the rules of propriety, which include respecting his step-mother's things. Do remind him that you respect his privacy and you don't take his things, and that you expect him to extend to you the same courtesy, but at the same time, I think you should stop being so territorial about something as silly as food.

Answer 3

You gotta be firm. You are the mom, he is the child living under your roof. Where does he get his money from? If it's allowance, cut it. If it's from a job, make him help with the bills. If he doesn't listen to you, tell his dad to talk with him. As for gorging, hormones raging around this time, and eating a lot is normal. Maybe even just keep usual food in the house and when you want something special for yourself, buy it that day, and stick it on your plate, or don't even eat it in front of him. Enjoy it in a relaxing, private time.

Answer 4

This sounds pretty typical to me! I have a 16-year-old son and I call him the human vacuum cleaner. I really think he would eat anything I put in front of him. I buy $100 worth of groceries and 2 days later he's complaining there's nothing to eat in the house. Your stepson is a growing boy! Get used to the high grocery bill! It won't change any time soon!

Answer 5

It sounds like he is testing limits or possibly testing how far he can push which is typical for that age. I adopted two kids from foster care so they came with plenty of testing. It was important for me, as for you, coming in as their mom, to really pcik my battles. The one thing to avoid as much as possible is power struggles. I saved my energy for the big ones because then you really must win. It sounds like you have set things up micely and given him plenty for himself as wll as your trust. If this is the battle you want to pick then I would use logical consequences when he breaks the rules or crosses the boundaries. I believe that to disciplin means to "Teach," and punishment means to "Make Suffer." You are obviously caring and considerate looking for the best answer. So, I am sure your goals are to teach him to respect your boundaries and consequences should go along thopse guidelines like if he eats your special things then he does chore around the house (that you don't want to do) to pay for the things he took without asking or there could be less snack choices available to him. Developing his self control will gain you respect where as punishment just makes a kid angry. But, if there are bigger issues to be had down the line, I wouldn't get into a pwoer struggle with this one...I would either (and I have dne this) get a small dorm frigerator for your room like a mini bar or purchase something that you can lock your goodies in in the pantry and not say much about it. When he is surprised use it as an opportunity to discuss respect and mutual consideration between you and your family. It is suggested that we not use food as punishment with children because it can lead to eating disorders, so I wouldn't confiscate all his goodies...but you might also want to have a family meeting to make all the rules clear and also talk to him because I have no way of knowing in this short forum if I am rooting up the right tree....there is always the possibility that he may have some sort of compulsion with food in which he just can't keep himself from taking what he wants and it doesn't have anything to do with you personally. Hopefully starting a relationship where the two or three of you can calmly discuss things will give you some insight into why he is doing it before you determine your strategy. Good Luck

Answer 6

Take away, or use up some of his things. . . .see if that gets his attention. Missing the phone, or the tv or mp3 might be enough to do it. Or, just feed him peanut butter sandwiches for a few days and see if he likes what a limited food budget looks and tastes like!

Answer 7

It could be one of two things.. Either he has a tap worm, which is possible, and why he is eating so much, or he is just a pig and is eating cause it is in front of him or in just in the house.

Does he eat a lot with out it effecting his weight ..? Is he lossing weight even tho he keeps eating the way he does..? These are things to look at.

Your son being 14 might just be him being really hungry.

Answer 8

i would say to make him buy his own food, but that is litterally a form of child abuse.

hid your food and lock his up