Can the abused ever get out of the cycle of being abused and abusing others?

Question

a mother having been abused numerous times physically by her husband, and having her children also abused by her husband, still loves him and wants to get back with him.

then a friend comes along helped her and her kids by aiding in getting the husband into jail. in jail, the husband consequently gets stabbed and dies because of his revolting violent nature. the mother on the other hand feels guilty of her husband's death and wants to give him a proper respectful funeral and burial. when the friend tells her not to spend the extra effort & money on the husband's death, while reminding her how badly he treated her and her kids, the mother gets angry and becomes enraged, revealing a figment of the husband's nature living on in her.


the cycle continues and i'm sure the children would end up being abused by the mother later on as well.


damn these people. i show no pity for the victims.

@ MulgaBob, stay on subject, troll. answer the question or take your self-importance to AA meetings.

@ Rappel_Welch, i agree with you. but the frustration comes when the mother gets enraged at the friend who's trying to help. telling her friend that she doesn't need the help. well, from the friend's point of view, it's not whether to show sympathy to the victims as a friend or person or human being, but to not condone the victims behavior and not allow them to use excuses especially being victimized as excuses to carry out their destructive actions against themselves and against others without regard of others around them.


"it's not the person i don't trust, it's the devil inside of them"

Answer 1

If everyone felt the way that you do, then the cycle would never end. If we don't take pity on the victim, or rather, if we don't feel sympathy for the victims, then we cannot help to break the cycle.
Victims of abuse, be it sexual, emotional, or physical often blame themselves. They were raised to feel that they deserve what they get, or they are told that they want to be abused. If we blame them for their victimization, then we are simply adding to their self doubt and guilt, and they will continue the cycle. If we show them sympathy and kindness, and help them to learn that they are not to blame, then they will learn that they can reach out for help and hopefully learn to lay the blame at the feet of those who deserve it.
As a child, I was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused. Both of my sisters shared the same abuse. My brother was emotionally and physically abused. Each of us have healed to the point of coping with our abuse, and have learned that we are not to blame for the actions of our abuser. We all have families, and none of us have continued the cycle of abuse that we were taught. Had I not had the help of family, of friends, and of a few good therapists, then I would probably not have broken this cycle.
It is possible for the abused to break the cycle, but it is not a simple task, and not one that can be acheived overnight.

Ozzy, You have a good point. No one, no matter their circumstances, should be allowed to hurt others and use the excuse that they are suffering or have suffered. When someone refuses help, or refuses to acknowledge that help is needed, then we can certainly pity them, but we cannot enable their actions. Unfortunately, it often takes the victim the blunt force trauma of hitting rock bottom to come to the realization of what they need, the damage that they have done to themselves, and the damage that they have done to others.

Answer 2

despite the wrong doings or abusive acts done to her by the husband... i see no point why we should be judgemental over her. we may not understand this kind of act or love she has but, whether we despise/hate all these...i beleive, it is her right and freedom we need to respect.
if she loves her husband in this manner, i don't think that she would dare hurt or abuse the only memories of her love- even if life to others who saw the abuses that seemed like hell here on earth, his children.
who knows... they might be compatible where the husband was a saddist while the wife is a masochist in their relationship? only they know... what we know and see are the black and whilte... what we don't know is the true color they truly share.
Let's respect her decision. She is, the wife...

Answer 3

evil in side? does this presume we are NOT responsible for our own actions? its "some thing" inside us its not are fault?
and do not agree but moving on,
the mother is/was going through grief whether we understand it or not , each person does this in there own way,and if she wanted a bigger better funeral, than that was her choice, it may well have helped her to let go, when we intervene in other peoples lifes we better get ready for a whole load of cr*p !
its clear you don't agree with the mothers wants and think she is wrong, well that's just tough as its her life and she has to choose, friend support in spite of these"wrong" choices
it seems to me your looking for reassurance of your position
and im sure the help you rendered was invaluable possibly even saved life's,
but you can only help so much,
back off and give her room, and if she presses that self destruct button (again, as of course she was responsible for the trouble she put her self in before)than all you can do is protect the children no more than that

Answer 4

i know this happens and there is nothing but sadness from all parts. there is not much one can do unless the mom wants to change and help her kids which could happen if she chooses. take care.

Answer 5

yes, you can. by looking in the mirror and saying "i am only worth the best in life". the minute you realize your dating a creep or get a weird feeling about someone, dump them asap.

Answer 6

I haven't seen season 2 yet - thanks for the spoliers, sigh.... I think Rita's whiny anyway & won't stay when she finds out about Dex anyway

Answer 7

no we cant