Would you class this as 'violent behaviour'?

Question

My son is under special needs at school and unfortunately seems to annoy other children at times. Unfortunately whenever the headmaster has to speak to us he always talks about our son's 'acts of violence' towards other children.

I know our son hits out at children from time to time but to us doesn't seem violent. My thoughts on being violent are punching someone enough to break a bone, severely bruise or cause a nosebleed - which he has NEVER done and I would be absolutely mortified if he did.

All I am asking in this question is what you would call 'an act of violence' in a child. I know my son has done wrong and is being punished which is understandable but personally I feel that the headmaster is using too strong a language for this.

As some have pointed out he is quite intelligent and it appears to be frustration coming out of him. Thank you for clarifying about it and I am doing my best as a parent to help the school with how he is behaving - obviously my thoughts of violent behaviour are different to others but then I suppose I look at it from an adult point of view - which obviously I shouldn't do.

Answer 1

any act of aggression is an act of violence whether you like it or not, your child is clearly violent

hitting out is hitting out regardless of how hard

Answer 2

Ok a lot of the comment are a little rough. I can understand where you are coming from because I have a special needs brother but I think you could grasp this a little easier if it was another kid hitting on your child. Schools today have no recourse but to draw the line at any act or even threat of aggression. What if just once your son poked @ someone and heperm. damaged there eye. The school would hold some liability for letting it happen especially if he had exibited aggressive behavior in the past. I don't dissagree with the headmasters language and as unfortunate as the situation is it is your responsibility to ensure he doesnt do it any more.

good luck
Doc

Answer 3

Impossible to answer properly without a bit more detail. What's violent from a 5 year old could be very different from what is classed as violent from a 14 Year old.

Also depends what your son has on his SEN statement and whether he is in mainstream schooling or at a special school.

The trend nowadays seems to be to put kids into mainstream schools where the teachers simply do not have the experience or the knowledge to deal with special needs children.

More and more parents of SN children are opting for home schooling simply because the system no longer provides the help they need. There are dozens of websites offering help if you choose that route.

I have been fighting without any success for two years to get my son assessed for dyslexia, but all we have achieved so far is an assesment that he is definately not ASD.

Best of luck

Answer 4

Are you kidding? Do you think violence isn't violence until a bone is broken or you see blood? You need help yourself or you will not be able to help your son. You must be clear on what violence is and you seem to be in denial. At this point, the Headmaster would probably be the better judge than you, so you should listen to him. The problem is that even if someone else was to identify violent behavior to you, you probably are not able to deal with setting appropriate consequences for your son, since you seem to want to excuse him. Kids are seldom messed up on their own, it usually comes from the parents not dealing well with their job as parents, mentors, protectors, disciplinarians, and role models. So, fix yourselves first, then you can help your kid, and listen to the HeadMaster, he can identify violent behavior, he has to look out for the safety of all the other kids before your kid breaks a bone or draws blood. You could benefit from family counseling, but everyone has to participate for it to work, not just the kid.

Answer 5

I agree with the headmaster, any action which causes another student pain is wrong. Schools should have a zero tolerance with hitting. It is hard to hear I am sure, but yes your son is being violent. Special needs are not, and as a mother of a special needs teenager I do understand.
My question is is this a public school, does your school receive public funding and does your child have an IEP. If so the school needs to accommodate his needs and develop a behavior modification plan.

Answer 6

It would be nice if the headmaster was more considerate and chose his words more carefully but when you have a special needs child,you have to get a tougher skin. I would turn the tables on him and find out why the school isn't handling things better to prevent such actions.Tell the Headmaster,no one is more upset about the hitting then me,what are you going to do about it? Get him to have the Behavior Specialist in the classroom to observe and see why these incidents are occurring, and set up a behavior plan. Your child is there for help,make them give it to him. We were lucky to have a great B.S. She would put things in perspective with people (like your Headmaster)when incidents occurred.She would say,a slap takes 5 seconds,the school day is 6 hours,how did the other 5 or so hours go?(although my son never hit another student,it would be his one/one aide) She was great! Hope you have a good one in your school too.The support really helped me.Good luck!

add on: Hi Annie,I have missed your comments the last few days!

Answer 7

I suppose when the headmaster lables it as 'an act of violence' it sounds extreme, but it is violent behaviour if you hit out at someone, regardless of the age. I understand what you are saying and when it concerns your child it's very hard. I know a child who behaves in the same way towards other children and it does look quite violent when he hits out or kicks someone.

Answer 8

I really liked the answer from the people who talked about a behavioral specialist.

Violent acts really makes it sound like the your son is the next Manson doesn't it?

So let me propose a thought to you we learned from the behavioral specialist we got to deal with my daughter's "acts of violence".

All behavior serves a function: It gets you what you want, it helps you avoid what you don't want, or it is controlled by forces the patient cannot control (such as with bipolar disorder). Your son classified under special needs and I am not sure why, although I can suspect his behavior has something to do with it.

If he cannot be categorized in the final category, he does not have a severe brain injury, autism, or something physical that affects the way his brain works, then challenge your principal. Instead of discussing his "acts of violence", which serves no purpose other than making you and your child feel horrible, figure out what you child's behavioral function is. Is he being picked on prior to these incidents? Is he trying to seek something, like attention from someone? Is it possible he is mimicking behavior observed from other students but due to his disability takes it too far? If other boys in the class rough house but your son has impulse control issues, he may do it at inappropriate times, for example, or to someone who may not want it.

If you can decide the function of the behavior you can plan to teach your child more appropriate ways to get his needs met. The fact that he doesn't seem violent to you would seem to me that there is more to your son's behavior than meets the eye. Lecturing and punishing don't seem to be effective in changing his behavior or you wouldn't be here.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Harassment, threats, intimidation, vandalism, physical
assault, robbery, arson and homicide are all considered to
be forms of violence, so no, not just breaking bones or letting blood, but the threat of such is considered violence. He probably does not seem violent to you because at home he does not have the same pressure and triggers that he has at school.

From an "adult" point of view, violence can take both verbal and physical forms. And all of them are punishable by law. You do your child a grave disservice by excusing these smaller forms of violence, rather than by working on finding more appropriate ways for him to express anger, frustration, sadness, etc while it is still somewhat acceptable rather than illegal.

I had a child who was very violent, and I worked VERY hard with the school to create a Positive Behavior Plan (PBP). I'm not sure about your country's special ed laws, but in the US, all I needed to do was write a letter to the school district saying that there was a need for an outside trained professional to come in and assess the situation from a nonbiased standpoint and help create a support system for my daughter. This psychologist was able to find the situations and people that were triggering her outbursts, and not only help eliminate them, but create a positive reward system for doing well, as well as an emergency plan for when things got out of control.

The school was required to write out a chart for every incident, including antecedents, the actual behavior, the teacher response, student responses, supports offered my child, and in the end, how the incident was finished. We also requested that no teachers or principals were allowed to discuss these outbursts with us in front of our child, that seemed to encourage her outbursts, so please consider that.

Answer 10

Most schools and educational specialists classify any act of physical aggression towards a person or property as violent behavior. If your son is repeatedly attempting to physically strike another child, that could be considered violent. I work with many parents and generally tell them that if the behavior could result in ANY physical pain or damage, it needs to be addressed. Basically, dealing with it now, while the child is young and before it can escalate will make it much easier. Even the mildest of physical attacks from an older child or adult can bring in law enforcement, so it is imperitive we do all we can early on to help the child find better ways to communicate their frustration and re-direct that energy.

My suggestion would be to request that any time the phrase "act of violence" is used in a report or written communication, the school include a description of the act ..for exapmple...one incidence of violent behavior (attempted to strike another student with open hand). Insist that any and all behaviors the school deems "violent" be documented this way,each and every time, with copies sent to you and placed in your child's record. It may seem excessive, but it is best to be able to point to what happened specificially than for the mention of "violent behaviors" with no explanations to be veiwed in the future (new teachers, specialists, etc).

Answer 11

The headmaster is exagerating by far as violent behaviour is definitley when you put someone square bank in the face or another part of the body.
if your headmaster is anygood then he would understand that your child may not know what is wrong and what is right as in violence i have a friend with an autistic children she pinches punches pulls hair and so on that is act of violents but the main thing people have got to consider is the fact that your son may not realise he is doing wrong .
therefore you should question the headmaster phrase as ur son bein violent it is aload of rubbish