Here's the deal. I'm 33 years old and I keep getting into relationships with women that seem sincere and nice on the surface but in the end turn out to be evil, soul-sucking, and callous. I've tried to date different 'types' of women from different places and even in different age groups, but always seem to end up with the same result: the opposite of what I was looking for.
Anyone have any suggestions on how I could meet someone that is REALLY (not faked) nice, sincere, good-hearted AND can appreciate those qualities in a partner without taking advantage?
**The reason I am asking in this category and not the dating category is because I'm pretty convinced my problems are a result of something I'm doing unconciously. Which, if that is the case I'd probably get better advice here.
2007-09-19 19:06:54 · 6 answers · asked by Patriotic Libertarian 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
lovechild: Very well written answer. A lot to think about.
2007-09-19 19:32:53 · update #1
Generalist: I'm afraid I'm a bit confused by your some of your answer... Can you explain your question?
2007-09-19 19:37:10 · update #2
wpepper: That is the kind of honest answer is what I was looking for. Your deductions were spot on - brutally so. I've always known I have an anger problem but I have always kept it under such tight control and refused to show it. You wouldn't be the first person knowledgable about psychology too mention co-dependency to me either (one of my failed relationships was with a mental health counselor lol), I just didn't want to listen then.
2007-09-19 19:52:22 · update #3
I'm really glad I asked the question here. Great responses. The general idea I'm getting isn't a pretty one about myself attracting people... well, like myself.
The thing is, in my last relationship everything was great. Amazing even. We were engaged to be married. She was smart, beautiful, caring, she seemed perfect. I had never been so happy and she seemed happy as well. BUT I was completely caught off-guard when the same day I proposed I found out that she was had a dating website and happened to make an offer to meet a guy at a hotel... turned out that guy was a friend of my sister (who ended up breaking the news to me).
Not once did I ever even think of cheating on her. Am I responsible in some way for that? I forgave her and we were friends again for awhile. She then later wanted to get married again. It seemed she was truly sorry and I loved her so I proposed again.
The same thing happened again.
There were many lies up to that point that I will spare details on.
2007-09-19 20:30:08 · update #4
But to sum it up, I have never been so devestated. I never lied to her like that (yes I told small lies a few times like that I liked a certain dress or hairstyle just to avoid conflict or to unnecesarily hurt feelings in little ways)... and I never had any desire to cheat on her...
How would that tie in?
2007-09-19 20:33:01 · update #5
wow, you got it right. In the next to last sentence. You go through all the horribler things women do to you then you get to the truth. Well, that's ok. You have the insight. You probably came from a dysfunctional family--alcoholic, drugs, obsessivelly religious, criminal or abusive, and even sometimes all of the above. See if you can find a counselor specializing in co-dependency so you can isolate what you are doing to attract the "wrong" kind of persons around you. Otherwise it isn't going to go away on its own. Interesting how you seem to think that you have yourself all the traits you are looking for in a partner but they fall shy of your own qualities. It would be well to get that anger in tow, I would suspect it has caused you some difficulty in the past, if not the present. Start a journal.
Be honest. Write down everything. You are courageous to bring it up on a national forum, even though anonomous, it's still difficult for some. It's great you are on your way and asking for help. That's the first and hardest step.
As kids, we got the wrong script. We just need to turn it around and get the right one. Then life changes, remarkedly so.
2007-09-19 19:33:22 · answer #1 · answered by wpepper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can be 100% sincere, honest and good hearted in this world. As the world has darkness and light, ups and down, our mind has dual quality to gether...sincere and insincere, honest and dis-honest both.
I ask one thing, if you already know what is insincerity and dis-honesty...you already have that quality with in you..that is you have bearing the map of all evils...is it not?
Drop out the thought that every one is evil except you....that may be a tactful way of your own mind to burry your guilty consciousness and at the same time you can feel Egoistcally proud about being honest(!) with every one.
Its all give and take policy from others.
You be sincere with one human being or any living being, and that being is..i bet you... going to be sincere with you.
Dont ever be peeping into the others mind, for their honesty and sincerity but search it always within you!
Be aware of your mind.
2007-09-19 19:58:54 · answer #2 · answered by yozenbalki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A P,
What's the common element?
I found such a woman only after I went through some hard soul-searching forced on me by the complete collapse of my life.
That soul searching led me to accept that I am the source of my life and I found a non-authoritarian, non deistic group that taught me how to accept responsibility for my thoughts, speech ,and deeds. They also showed me that my life is both myself, and others, and to stop only considering my needs.
It worked.
2007-09-19 19:27:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know, you have to be honest sincere and considerate to expect those things in someone else, but as a man you also have to be stronger than the woman or you will find the type of female that will walk on you because you put yourself down there for her to do just that... the world lacks strong men these days and that has nothing to do with the size of your, ummm, muscles or any physical trait... just believe in what you do with strong enough conviction and find a woman with the same values and you'll do ok
peace love happiness
2007-09-19 19:26:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually there is no definite place for you to go and look for the kind of girl you are looking for..i'm just convinced that those kind of people are the ones truly God-fearing and you might as well know her by her acts when you're with her..one who does not expects much from you, who understands you when you explin somethings and can get along very well and love those whom you love..
2007-09-19 19:27:37 · answer #5 · answered by bettie bhoo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In such matters ,LIKES attract each other .Reexamine your life and amend if required.
2007-09-19 19:59:48 · answer #6 · answered by brkshandilya 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋